The Language of Love

Everyday people ask me what is love, really...and how do I know if I am 'in love?' Well, it's different for everyone. It's when the idea of doing nothing sounds like something! In the early stages of dating, there is a hunger to discover who the other person is, but this time also feels scary because he or she may not be what you thought or — even worse — you may not be what they're looking for. Even though the stakes aren't very high at the beginning, we feel that they are, so we play at dating, and one of the easiest ways to play is to do something at all times — either publicly or privately. The dating ritual is about finding places to go and things to do. Being yourself is wanting the entire enchilada. Everything else on the How-You-Know-You're-in-Love list hints at being yourself, but when you truly love someone, you want them to know who you are and love you for all that you are, not just for who you pretend to be. When you're in a truly loving relationship, you can be honest and direct, so do take chances. Don't be afraid, but DO be honest!

The language of love is spoken in many different languages, nonetheless, it all has the same meaning. There is a basic breakdown of five different love languages that makes it just a little easier for us to understand our mates traits. Once you've figured out what your partner's love language is you'll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them, and good for you!

For example, let's say that your partner likes to hear the words "I love you" often. Even though they know that you love them, just hearing the phrase can brighten their day. But perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love, but at the same time it's not their personal preference of how they like to receive love. 

The Love Languages Explained;

1. Be Verbal Lovers.... As the Material Girl once sang; Express Yourself! Like the example above, some people just like to hear gestures of love such as "I love you" and "I appreciate everything that you do." For this type of person, you'll want to provide constant encouragement, never letting things go unsaid.They tend to need this for reassurance as well as to just hear you say it!

• Try verbalizing your appreciations in some way each day.
• Don't assume your partner knows what you're thinking and feeling - speak up!

2. Time Well Spent. One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn't mean just casual conversation; it means the times where your partner is your main focus. If your partner enjoys quality time, here are some things to consider:

• Choose a certain time each day or week where you're completely dedicated to your partner and his/her needs. This means that you need to shut off the TV, put down the paper, and listen!
• Think of activities you can do together to really connect and enjoy your free time together.
• Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it's the only way you can truly connect with your partner. Make sure that your communication skills are are savvy! It is the only way that a real relationship will survive. Have faith in your partner, and enjoy your every moment with them.
• You're willing to go somewhere you hate. Yes, you heard me;  The willingness to go someplace you actually hate with someone you actually love — and not be a pain in the neck about it — is one of the hallmarks of love. When you first start to date, you're tempted to do whatever it takes to get the date off the ground because you're blinded by the possibilities. During the next phase of dating, you stand up for yourself and don't do the activity you hate. This is a necessary evolution because if there is to be true love, it has to be based on who you are, not who you think your beginning-to-be-significant other will like. But once you actually get to love, your need to constantly assert yourself is softened by your beloveds influence and the sense that you can give because your love will reciprocate your generosity.

3. Be the GererousGift Giver. Another love language is one where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn't because they're greedy; it means they're visual people who enjoy seeing proof of your deepening relationship. If you're with this type of partner, try these tips:

• Even if you're a big saver, make the effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts...something that says "I'm thinking of you!"
• Leave loving cards and notes for them, they LOVE this! Something so small can be the most meaningful.
• Don't give gifts everyday, but give the gift that they will certainly remember!

4. The Chores. We can't forget the chores when it comes to a language of communication between partners. Since there are many things that need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you try to figure out who's doing what. Keep these tips in mind:

• Everyone has different chores that they deem important, some of them are more important to him than her and vica versa.
• Figure out which ones your partner doesn't enjoy and you do them instead.
• Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate.

5. Physical Affection. The physical affection love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn't only mean in lovemaking. It involves simple touches too. Soft strokes of your hand against his/her face. Gently pushing her hair aside from her eyes so that you can see her true beauty, and kissing his nose or forehead and smiling at him.  Each partner will usually have some kind of opinion when it comes to this language:

• Figure out which kinds of touches your partner enjoys, it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television, or while spooning in bed.
• This is equally important, figure out which touches irritate your partner as in the future you will want to stay away from that.
• Get to know your partner's moods so you know when to express physical affection.

The Combination

Your partner will likely speak a certain combination of these love languages. As your relationship deepens, you'll get to know your partner better and better. It may even help to outright discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to better understand each other.Sometimes what one does isn't exactly what the other may or may not think to do. Often we overlook the little things that are so simple that they would have made his/her day! Use your listening skills to determine what you can do to get closer to your partner and enjoy every day with him.

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