Women tend to do this so often, and most of the time, it tends to backfire on us. This is a little story about how "not" to fall hard for a guy! History says that often us gals find ourselves falling for guys quickly only to get our hearts stomped on like broken glass. When it comes to love, most of us fall into two categories 1) those
who don't think they deserve a lot and 2) those who are looking for the
"perfect" person who does not exist. In this article, I'd like to talk
about those of us who don't think we deserve a lot - and don't feel bad
or get discouraged many people really don't feel they deserve a lot when
it comes to love. Never, ever, ever allow someone to contribute to a relationship that isn't into you as much as you are into him. If you do it will be a huge mistake!
Women who feel that they don't deserve a lot have a tendency to quickly "fall in love" and as a result are more likely to get their hearts broken over and over. I don't need to tell you that it is because you are being so needy, clingy or pushy, etc. you probably already know that from reading self-help books and Internet articles, but how do you stop yourself and more importantly how do you avoid men who are incapable of the kind of relationship you really want....My unprofessional advice? Be very careful what you wish for.Yes we deserve a lot. Yes we are entitled to love but NO we shouldn't expect the world to be served to us on a silver platter. It's not going to happen, and that man that comes with it...he's in your la-la land head.
Now, the downside of being a hopeless romantic is that you always fall for guys you barely even know. Your romantic mind builds up a character that is often times so different from the real person. Your romantic mind also thinks that you know exactly how to "spoil" the person so much that he loves you eternally, but most times the more you give, the more he pulls away. And when he tells you "he is not feeling it" you get really confused "Isn't this what men want from a woman?" To those of you who are looking for MR Right with too many needs and wants...chances are gals, he doesn't exist, and if he does you better hang the hell onto him. As much as a hopeless romantic that I am, I still hesitate to throw too much of myself into a relationship of any kind. Yes I believe in taking chances and a risk every now and again, but if he does not meet me in the middle he can kiss this gal goodbye. No more days of 80/20 relationships, I want 50/50 or nothing at all. I always said that if I wanted to go backwards, I could do it real well on my own. I don't need any man to drag me down. So then Mr Romance, where ever you may be,..be good to me and be patient. I am fragile.
On a blank piece of paper, make a list of 10 PERSONALITY TRAITS that the RIGHT person must absolutely have for you to consider him or her. If a person doesn't have these qualities he will not be right for you. These "qualities" must come from a heartfelt place of inner knowing or intuition. Look at the enduring personality traits you find very attractive in the people closest to you, those who inspire you to want to be a better person: parents, friends, co-workers etc. Look at your list and ask yourself "Would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?" Can I completely be myself around him? Can I feel completely safe and secure in his arms? Can I argue with him and voice my opinions openly and honestly and still be respected and appreciated?" Hey this is no time to settle. It's all or nothing and you want a relationship where your partner is going to give as much as you do or it will NEVER work!
Avoid forgetting that guys have their flaws too. Yup, they have flaws and their human too! As amazing as they seem compared to you, everyone has something wrong. Some people just have a much better way of hiding it. They make mistakes, sure they do, but pay close attention to what they are not telling you for it is that which we must worry about. Do not ever let a man control you!
Find out who he really is. Looks aren't everything. First, befriend him, or at least talk to him and see if he's worth falling for. Good Lord, get to know him! Does he have many friends? What kind of friends are they? Has he had a girlfriend before? Why/why not? Why didn't it work out? Or does he still have a girlfriend? Is he married? Men, not all, but some, can be ruthless and will find ways of lying through their teeth when they want something. Wake up and smell the coffee. Don't have your tunnel vision on, otherwise you may smack into a brick way. If they are taken, or worse, married...You should definitely back off. This could lead to a horrible situation, there is no winning for you and you deserve so much more!
Keep your eyes open...I believe in fair game. Hey he is not your boyfriend! You're still allowed to look at other guys too. Soooo please do make sure you have plenty of back-ups. This way, your heart won't be too occupied with just one guy. Unless he wants to agree on you both only seeing one an other, you are fair game sister! As my grandmother always used to say, "never put all of your eggs in one basket"...I thought that this meant investments, and in a sense...isn't love and your heart a BIG investment? Just don't do what many men do and string a variety of them along. One at a time.
Take it slow ladies.... There's no fire...What's the rush? Don't simply blurt out your feelings for him. Men love the chase...if you lay your cards on the table too quickly, he'll be off looking for a new gal sooner than you can say 'wait where'd you go?' Slowly send out signals that you're interested. Coming on too strong will just freak him out and no one wants a psycho girlfriend. When you meet the right one for you it will be all about fun and laughter. Enjoy life, and take your time...when you do find the right one, he will be well worth the wait.
Women who feel that they don't deserve a lot have a tendency to quickly "fall in love" and as a result are more likely to get their hearts broken over and over. I don't need to tell you that it is because you are being so needy, clingy or pushy, etc. you probably already know that from reading self-help books and Internet articles, but how do you stop yourself and more importantly how do you avoid men who are incapable of the kind of relationship you really want....My unprofessional advice? Be very careful what you wish for.Yes we deserve a lot. Yes we are entitled to love but NO we shouldn't expect the world to be served to us on a silver platter. It's not going to happen, and that man that comes with it...he's in your la-la land head.
Now, the downside of being a hopeless romantic is that you always fall for guys you barely even know. Your romantic mind builds up a character that is often times so different from the real person. Your romantic mind also thinks that you know exactly how to "spoil" the person so much that he loves you eternally, but most times the more you give, the more he pulls away. And when he tells you "he is not feeling it" you get really confused "Isn't this what men want from a woman?" To those of you who are looking for MR Right with too many needs and wants...chances are gals, he doesn't exist, and if he does you better hang the hell onto him. As much as a hopeless romantic that I am, I still hesitate to throw too much of myself into a relationship of any kind. Yes I believe in taking chances and a risk every now and again, but if he does not meet me in the middle he can kiss this gal goodbye. No more days of 80/20 relationships, I want 50/50 or nothing at all. I always said that if I wanted to go backwards, I could do it real well on my own. I don't need any man to drag me down. So then Mr Romance, where ever you may be,..be good to me and be patient. I am fragile.
On a blank piece of paper, make a list of 10 PERSONALITY TRAITS that the RIGHT person must absolutely have for you to consider him or her. If a person doesn't have these qualities he will not be right for you. These "qualities" must come from a heartfelt place of inner knowing or intuition. Look at the enduring personality traits you find very attractive in the people closest to you, those who inspire you to want to be a better person: parents, friends, co-workers etc. Look at your list and ask yourself "Would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?" Can I completely be myself around him? Can I feel completely safe and secure in his arms? Can I argue with him and voice my opinions openly and honestly and still be respected and appreciated?" Hey this is no time to settle. It's all or nothing and you want a relationship where your partner is going to give as much as you do or it will NEVER work!
- Never come on too strong. That will only make your feelings stronger, and the guy's feelings about you weaker.
- Flirting too much with every guy you know is not a good idea. It will just make people think you're a player and don't know how to stick with just one person.
- If he's not interested, just move on. The sooner, the better. Trying to get him to like you back or changing yourself for him will never work.
- Don't ever be too shy around him. Speak up, be yourself.
Avoid forgetting that guys have their flaws too. Yup, they have flaws and their human too! As amazing as they seem compared to you, everyone has something wrong. Some people just have a much better way of hiding it. They make mistakes, sure they do, but pay close attention to what they are not telling you for it is that which we must worry about. Do not ever let a man control you!
Find out who he really is. Looks aren't everything. First, befriend him, or at least talk to him and see if he's worth falling for. Good Lord, get to know him! Does he have many friends? What kind of friends are they? Has he had a girlfriend before? Why/why not? Why didn't it work out? Or does he still have a girlfriend? Is he married? Men, not all, but some, can be ruthless and will find ways of lying through their teeth when they want something. Wake up and smell the coffee. Don't have your tunnel vision on, otherwise you may smack into a brick way. If they are taken, or worse, married...You should definitely back off. This could lead to a horrible situation, there is no winning for you and you deserve so much more!
Keep your eyes open...I believe in fair game. Hey he is not your boyfriend! You're still allowed to look at other guys too. Soooo please do make sure you have plenty of back-ups. This way, your heart won't be too occupied with just one guy. Unless he wants to agree on you both only seeing one an other, you are fair game sister! As my grandmother always used to say, "never put all of your eggs in one basket"...I thought that this meant investments, and in a sense...isn't love and your heart a BIG investment? Just don't do what many men do and string a variety of them along. One at a time.
Take it slow ladies.... There's no fire...What's the rush? Don't simply blurt out your feelings for him. Men love the chase...if you lay your cards on the table too quickly, he'll be off looking for a new gal sooner than you can say 'wait where'd you go?' Slowly send out signals that you're interested. Coming on too strong will just freak him out and no one wants a psycho girlfriend. When you meet the right one for you it will be all about fun and laughter. Enjoy life, and take your time...when you do find the right one, he will be well worth the wait.
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| www.simplydeliciouslingerie,com |
I have many men in my la-la-land head. After reading this article, I am going to do what you stated and try another route. Perhaps I am trying too hard, laying it on too think as you always say MssDelicious and maybe, just maybe then if I don't chase the guy, he'll like me? Mucho Gracias!
ReplyDeleteGloria Hernandez-Martinez
Ms Shelly, As always I love your blog. I can hear you saying these things and I laugh. What is even funnier is that I have never heard your voice. You should do a video or a audio blog on articles so that people can actually hear you saying these silly things and all of your Baba's quotes! It would be fantastic! You should give it some SERIOUS thought! People would love it!
ReplyDeleteGretchen Moore-Kinley
Thousand Oaks,California