Simply Delicious: Expectations in Marriage

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Expectations in Marriage

In marriage, knowing what to expect is half the battle! So, here are some things you should expect in marriage. Now some of them may sound negative, but they aren’t meant to be. We just need to be prepared that challenges will likely arise. When they do, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, or your marriage.

1. Conflict....We'll all go through this.

Conflict will happen, and that’s okay, don't you expect it? I did. Figure out how to handle the situation, what steps to take, what to say, and certainly what "not to say!" If you handle these conflicts in a loving, mature way, it won't seem so bad. Communication!! KEY!! Talk it out!!

2. Expect Delays

Planning for your future is a great thing to do as a couple, just understand that things don’t always arrive on schedule – not babies, not raises, not your health problems, not the sitter! Things are going to come up. Never fails in my family....it's always something. When you expect delays, you won't freak out when they happen.

Ex; when planning a get together, party, etc....tell your guest to arrive at 3pm when the party really starts at 3:30. If they are anything like my Ex's family, they still showed up late..but oh how they were the life of the party when they did arrive!

3. Expect Disappointments

File this in the, “you’re both only human” category. Your spouse will not be the answer to all of your problems. Your spouse won’t be a mind reader or anticipate all of your needs. You need to tell your spouse what you want, and need...otherwise, how will they know?

4. Expect to be annoyed, pissed off, and out numbered from time to time

What was once appealing is now annoying. Why is this? Perhaps it was a habit that he/she had that you once thought was quite cute now irritates you? Be ready for that habit of his or hers you found so adorable while you were dating, to become annoying,..what's worse is if you tell them it annoys you now and they keep doing it... But remember this, there are things you’re doing that are likely to be driving them nuts too. Cut them some slack and continually focus on their good qualities. If you just can’t overlook what’s bothering you, talk about it in a loving, kind way....don't throw things at them, it won't work, you'll just end u repairing the hole you put in the drywall. How do I know this? I threw a bathroom scale once....Oh, it got his attention, and he sent me the repair bill for $95.00

5. You'll find that you’re doing more...

You might feel like you’re Super Mom.... doing more dishes, more laundry, more bedtime reading with the kids, more yard work, more taking the garbage out. You get the idea. When you start feeling put out and put upon, take some time to assess the situation. Be verbal, and by this I mean chat about it, .....no screaming and yelling.... Instead of attacking your spouse and demanding more help, sit down and calmly express your desire to do your jobs well, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Maybe he doesn't realize that you are getting burnt out?

6. Agree to disagree

Just because you are “one” in marriage, doesn’t mean you will agree on everything. You never will agree on everything, you may be the missing piece to his puzzle but your aren't a miracle worker. You aren't always going to be right......Even though the pieces match doesn't mean the patterns do......but, guess what? That’s okay. Respect your spouse’s right to have a different opinion than you. Don’t shoot down ideas right then and there, think about the time that he put into this thought. There is more than one way to get the job done and believe me when I say,...arguing will only prolong it. You are both partners of respect, so give a little.

7. Not attracted to your spouse anymore?

This may never happen to you, BUT it does happen to a lot of couples. You might go through your entire marriage with the hots for your mate. But if, at some point, you’re just not that into your spouse, pray that you will have a loving heart, and talk about it, or seek counseling for guidance. Many things cause this, mid life crisis comes to mind....(been there done that, with my spouse) Also, look beyond the physical or lack of chemistry and fall in love with what’s good about your spouse. You might be missing something really great!

Marriages are a lot of work, and they are a two way street....you need to talk it out. Remember what brought you both together in the first place,...remember the wonderful times that you have shared over the years and be grateful for the time you have with your spouse. Nothing lasts forever, life is precious. Marriage is a loving bond that takes much nurturing....My parents are celebrating their 49th wedding anniversary this October. I've never seen two people happier! Sure they argue, its fun to watch them do it, they both always think they are right.....but someone always caves in and lets the other win the argument. Communication, understanding, patience, and love for one another is why their marriage is so strong. My marriage didn't last because I didn't have what my folks have. Trust and communication....without it, your ship will sink.