Single Motherhood...and Dating Again

In today's society, and especially since my divorce over 13 years ago, I have learned that dating is not all that it is cracked up to be. It's stressful, and it makes me tired. You feel over worked, under medicated, and your body learns to run on caffeine!For some women after divorce, they want to take time to be alone. For many they need to regroup and reevaluate their life.  I needed to take the time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Now that I am on my own after years of playing the single mom role I am trying new things, and discovering a whole new ME. My children are grown and on their own enjoying life and following their happiness and their dreams, just as I raised them to. This mom is following hers just the same. I wanted to take a few minutes to share with all of you some tips for dating a 'single mom.'

If you're single and have children, let's face it...dating can be somewhat challenging. However, it's possible to be a great parent and still enjoy taking part in dating and developing close relationships with other adults. You have to make time for YOU! 

Read this and try these dating tips for single parents:

1. Vow to keep your parenting life and your dating life separate until appropriate. Consider your dating life as an activity you do the occasional evening as an adult social activity. It's not a meat market race to find your next husband. Take the time to really find who is right for you and who your children might like as well.

2. Strive to achieve a certain balance in your life. Ensure that how you spend your time on a day-to-day basis demonstrates your life's priorities. This is key to many men as they will want to see some form of independence in you. No man wants a clingy woman with a track record of loser men from her past. No drama mama is what I am trying to say....

3. Avoid involving your children with everyone you date. One of the most difficult things for a child after his parents separate is being exposed too soon to a parent's "new" partner.Kids don't need to know who this man/woman is UNLESS it begins to get serious. Introducing your kids to too many dates will only confuse them and make you look like a loose cannon floozie!

• Protect your kids from uncomfortable feelings by not involving them with your dates.
• Recognize that, even if you really like someone you've gone out with 2 or 3 times, you don't know for sure at that point that the relationship will "work out" and become long-term. If you involve your child and it doesn't work out, your child is again placed in the vulnerable position of feeling rejected, left behind and hurt.

4. Set limits regarding dating and parenting efforts with your children. Be upfront and honest about how much time you'll spend with someone you date.Your family comes first, they are your #1 priority. Don't forget that.

• For example, if you feel you can't be out past a certain time or can't go out two nights in a row because of your parenting duties, be open about it. Doing so shows you're clear and confident about what's important to you.

5. Share your feelings with the person you're dating. If you're disappointed you're unable to spend more time with the person you're dating, tell them.Otherwise they may think that you are looking for an easy way out.

• Also, this way, they'll know what you're going through and hopefully grow to understand your position as a parent who's striving to have a healthy social life.

6. Let your kids know that they're your first priority!!!!!!!!!!!!! Regardless of just telling them so, demonstrate through your behavior that you love your kids and are interested in all their activities.Don't stop being a mom. Your job, dear, is NEVER done. You took that oath when you have your children. A mothers job is never finished and you will be the rock that they lean on always, so get it right.

• Make a major effort to attend your kids' school functions and extracurricular activities, such as sports, dance and music recitals.

7. Every now and again.... talk with your children in general about your dating life. Tailor your talk based on the age of your children.

• Explain that you like to have fun with other adults and that there will be times that you go out with friends.I'm sure that they'll want you to be happy. (My kids pushed me to date and get out. Don't sit at home when you can be out meeting new people, but at the same time, once you meed someone, don't forget your family obligations.)
• Let them know a couple of days in advance that you'll be going out and share your plans with them to a certain extent. They don't need to know everything, but this way t assures them that you are in control of your life.

8. Your time out can be an opportunity to make life interesting and fun for your kids. For example, occasionally, let them stay over with Grandma and Grandpa or at your sisters, or BFFs when you have a date. Your kids most likely enjoy spending time with family or your friends.

• Or find a teenager close by that you know and trust. Usually, kids love to have teenagers for babysitters.
• As long as you know the kids will be well cared for and safe, make the time they spend without you fun.

This is your new time to shine....so enjoy life and dating! Don't make it a chore, make it a new experience! You can truly enjoy this time of your life. Even though you're a parent, you can set aside time to date. Make an effort to balance your single-parenting life and your dating life. You'll be happy that you did. Being a single mother is not easy, but it is rewarding, and you too will survive just as I did. Enjoy your family...they are your life, and they will become a reflection of YOU, so show them what good parenting is all about.

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