Single Motherhood...and Dating Again

In today's society, and especially since my divorce over 13 years ago, I have learned that dating is not all that it is cracked up to be. It's stressful, and it makes me tired. You feel over worked, under medicated, and your body learns to run on caffeine!For some women after divorce, they want to take time to be alone. For many they need to regroup and reevaluate their life.  I needed to take the time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Now that I am on my own after years of playing the single mom role I am trying new things, and discovering a whole new ME. My children are grown and on their own enjoying life and following their happiness and their dreams, just as I raised them to. This mom is following hers just the same. I wanted to take a few minutes to share with all of you some tips for dating a 'single mom.'

If you're single and have children, let's face it...dating can be somewhat challenging. However, it's possible to be a great parent and still enjoy taking part in dating and developing close relationships with other adults. You have to make time for YOU! 

Read this and try these dating tips for single parents:

1. Vow to keep your parenting life and your dating life separate until appropriate. Consider your dating life as an activity you do the occasional evening as an adult social activity. It's not a meat market race to find your next husband. Take the time to really find who is right for you and who your children might like as well.

2. Strive to achieve a certain balance in your life. Ensure that how you spend your time on a day-to-day basis demonstrates your life's priorities. This is key to many men as they will want to see some form of independence in you. No man wants a clingy woman with a track record of loser men from her past. No drama mama is what I am trying to say....

3. Avoid involving your children with everyone you date. One of the most difficult things for a child after his parents separate is being exposed too soon to a parent's "new" partner.Kids don't need to know who this man/woman is UNLESS it begins to get serious. Introducing your kids to too many dates will only confuse them and make you look like a loose cannon floozie!

• Protect your kids from uncomfortable feelings by not involving them with your dates.
• Recognize that, even if you really like someone you've gone out with 2 or 3 times, you don't know for sure at that point that the relationship will "work out" and become long-term. If you involve your child and it doesn't work out, your child is again placed in the vulnerable position of feeling rejected, left behind and hurt.

4. Set limits regarding dating and parenting efforts with your children. Be upfront and honest about how much time you'll spend with someone you date.Your family comes first, they are your #1 priority. Don't forget that.

• For example, if you feel you can't be out past a certain time or can't go out two nights in a row because of your parenting duties, be open about it. Doing so shows you're clear and confident about what's important to you.

5. Share your feelings with the person you're dating. If you're disappointed you're unable to spend more time with the person you're dating, tell them.Otherwise they may think that you are looking for an easy way out.

• Also, this way, they'll know what you're going through and hopefully grow to understand your position as a parent who's striving to have a healthy social life.

6. Let your kids know that they're your first priority!!!!!!!!!!!!! Regardless of just telling them so, demonstrate through your behavior that you love your kids and are interested in all their activities.Don't stop being a mom. Your job, dear, is NEVER done. You took that oath when you have your children. A mothers job is never finished and you will be the rock that they lean on always, so get it right.

• Make a major effort to attend your kids' school functions and extracurricular activities, such as sports, dance and music recitals.

7. Every now and again.... talk with your children in general about your dating life. Tailor your talk based on the age of your children.

• Explain that you like to have fun with other adults and that there will be times that you go out with friends.I'm sure that they'll want you to be happy. (My kids pushed me to date and get out. Don't sit at home when you can be out meeting new people, but at the same time, once you meed someone, don't forget your family obligations.)
• Let them know a couple of days in advance that you'll be going out and share your plans with them to a certain extent. They don't need to know everything, but this way t assures them that you are in control of your life.

8. Your time out can be an opportunity to make life interesting and fun for your kids. For example, occasionally, let them stay over with Grandma and Grandpa or at your sisters, or BFFs when you have a date. Your kids most likely enjoy spending time with family or your friends.

• Or find a teenager close by that you know and trust. Usually, kids love to have teenagers for babysitters.
• As long as you know the kids will be well cared for and safe, make the time they spend without you fun.

This is your new time to shine....so enjoy life and dating! Don't make it a chore, make it a new experience! You can truly enjoy this time of your life. Even though you're a parent, you can set aside time to date. Make an effort to balance your single-parenting life and your dating life. You'll be happy that you did. Being a single mother is not easy, but it is rewarding, and you too will survive just as I did. Enjoy your family...they are your life, and they will become a reflection of YOU, so show them what good parenting is all about.

www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com

Single Mothers,...Divorced and Dating

Are you newly single from a divorce and ready to start dating again? Are you nervous? Let me tell you a little story about divorce and dating...I divorced 13 years ago. I married my high school sweetheart. He was my true 'sweetheart' since age 16. We married at 19. Obviously I did not date a lot of guys in that time frame because I met 'the one.' We were married for 15 years and then the bottom fell out. I filed and our separation and divorce took another 2. The anticipation of dating new handsome men although alluring and intriguing as it seemed left me worried. I was terrified of men after the heartache that I had experienced, yet at the same time I was so excited to get out there and date. 

Guess what? It wasn't as easy or as fun as I had hoped that it would be. Men were jerks and horn-dogs. All they wanted was to get in your britches, and believe me, that was just not happening! I had far too much respect for myself to let one guy think that he could sweet talk his way into my pants.

Being a single mother is not easy and anyone that says it is must be full of shit. It's hard work, dedication and much determination. There is an end in sight though...sometimes it's just real hard to see the forest through the trees. My kids meant the world to me and I would do anything to protect them. Even though I was hurting, I had to keep them from seeing my pain and I had to keep my yap shut. I had a great upbringing and my mother and both of my grandmothers told me to never ever badmouth their father in front of them. I am so glad that I took their advice. Sure I slipped up a few times, but for the most part I realized that they would form their own opinions as they aged. I made mistakes and was not perfect. I learned that communication in marriage is KEY and if you lose that, you might as well kiss your marriage goodbye! What did it feel like? Well that foundation that was so well constructed has just cracked and you begin to sink as if you are immersed in quick sand. That's what it felt like to me. Make sure... ladies that you take enough time after the divorce to figure out who you and and what is best for YOU. If there are children involved, you need to step up to the plate and put them first. 

No man was going to meet my children unless we dated for a while and I felt comfortable with him. My kids did meet a few of then gentlemen but the relationships never lasted long past that. Somehow I always found fault with them. My daughter told me that I was looking for excuses to let them go. Maybe I was. Maybe this teenage young lady was reading me like a book? Could she be right?

Here it is 2012 and I am still single. I date, sure I do. Am I happy? You bet that I am. If and when the right man comes along that is right for me, so be it, but I am certainly NOT one of those women who would fall apart without a man in her life. I learned a lot about myself and became very independent. That scares some men, and the others are intimidated by me. Why? I have no idea. You would think that a man would love the mere thought of a woman being able to pretty much take care of herself. Many did not feel that way. Am I looking for perfection? No. Am I seeking security? No. Do I need a man to take care of me? No, at least not completely in the financial sense as some women do. Taking care of someone has a variety of meanings. There is a difference in having a man love you and want to do things for you, and one saying that you need him to survive or you would fall apart. Let me tell you something ladies....you won't fall apart. You pick yourself up by the shoestrings and you move forward. You may struggle, and you may cry a lot, but damn it you keep going. You are the role model for your children so get it together and act like an adult.

Dating is not easy for me. My kids are fully grown and I still look for reasons to ditch a man. Maybe I am one of those woman who will never find true happiness, although I hope that is not the case. For me it almost seems like a 'no strings' type of relationship would be best for me. Please do not misconstrue what I want from what I need. Don't 'you' misconstrue what you want from what you need either! My kids tell me often that as a single mom, I rocked. That was quite the feeling of accomplishment. For me, it was just being the best that I could be.

Are you ready to start dating again? Once you decide that you’re ready to date again, you have to realize that your approach to dating won’t be the same as it was in years past. As a single mother with children in the home, your dating decisions have to consider what works for them as well as for you. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of finding a guy who wants to spend time with you before you think about how dating will be different as a single mom than it was as a single woman with no responsibilities. 

The spur of the moment dating that you used to enjoy simply won’t work when you have to plan a babysitter or arrange for the kids to spend the night with friends. If the guy you’re interested in doesn’t have children, he may not understand how these roles can collide for you. As a single mom, you have to be careful about men that you bring into your children’s lives. They can get to know him and like him, only to lose contact with him when you break up a few months later. Or they may hate your new guy and feel threatened by the time he takes you away from them. In either case, you’re going to be pulled between them. Ever hear of the 'six month rule?'

Decide that you will keep dating casual and away from the children for at least six months. You need to tell the kids that you’re going out with friends, but don’t give too much information to them. For your protection, date in groups, with friends or co-workers and at large public events. As a mom, it’s your duty to keep yourself safe – and to make sure you aren’t allowing a psycho into your lives. Does it happen? Sure it does, just be careful and think of your kids safety first! Please make sure that you know this guy really well before you bring him into your children’s lives. Is he the man you think he is? Is he stable, dependable, honest and sincere? If he drinks, smokes, throws thing or swears, he’ll do the same around your children. 

Would you be okay with your children repeating his behaviors? You can’t make excuses for his actions and discipline your children when they act the same way. It’s okay to want to find Mr. Right so that you can enjoy love and companionship that you’re missing now. Just realize that when you’re a single mom with children, you need more than Mr. Right, you need Mr. Right for Your Family! New beginnings are a good thing, BUT...take your time, there is no hurry. My grandmother used to always tell me that "Good things come to those who wait." For now...I wait. Are you a single mother?

www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com

Are You Superwoman?

Ladies,......Do you often feel like you have to be "superwoman?" Are you struggling with the hustle and bustle of everyday routines? Do you try to make everyone happy all the time? Are you taking time to make "you" happy? It's all about social skills,...the "how to's." Stop trying to wear too many capes all at once...

Social skills are all the things we should say and do (or not say and do) when we interact with other people.  Identify your areas of strengths and areas that could benefit from improvement by using a social skills. Do you feel like you're being pulled in ten different directions? You aren't alone on this one....most of us do at times.Women often don't have the luxury of a singular focus, especially in their assumed role as social coordinator and household manager. Forgive and forget the idea that women should "be it all" and "do it all" for their spouse, family, employer, and delegate! Everyone can help with household tasks in some way,trust me,.... if this doesn't happen....you know how that saying goes..."If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"


Rule #1 Keep her Happy!!! Women are usually more aware of the social connections of others around them, and therefore more aware of their isolation or failure to live up to the social expectations. This can often lead to loneliness and sometimes even depression. This happens more often than not when you are trying too hard to make everything right. It's no good when you're giving 80% and the partner/spouse/family is only giving 20%. If this is going on, it is definitely time to change the rules!Women are supposed to know more about appropriate social behaviors, right? Says who?We aren't perfect, nor have we claimed to be. Embrace life, take one day at a time, and take a deep breath....

Slow down, you're not in a race to any finish line, and if things don't get done today, do them tomorrow. Gone are the days of thinking that kryptonite is your super power....you've got something far better...you've got confidence!Yes, with a positive attitude you are faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locamotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Your mind and your body are your super power and if you use them combined in a conscientious effort, you can be superwoman in the household, at the work place and super sex goddess in the bedroom!