Single Motherhood...and Dating Again

In today's society, and especially since my divorce over 13 years ago, I have learned that dating is not all that it is cracked up to be. It's stressful, and it makes me tired. You feel over worked, under medicated, and your body learns to run on caffeine!For some women after divorce, they want to take time to be alone. For many they need to regroup and reevaluate their life.  I needed to take the time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Now that I am on my own after years of playing the single mom role I am trying new things, and discovering a whole new ME. My children are grown and on their own enjoying life and following their happiness and their dreams, just as I raised them to. This mom is following hers just the same. I wanted to take a few minutes to share with all of you some tips for dating a 'single mom.'

If you're single and have children, let's face it...dating can be somewhat challenging. However, it's possible to be a great parent and still enjoy taking part in dating and developing close relationships with other adults. You have to make time for YOU! 

Read this and try these dating tips for single parents:

1. Vow to keep your parenting life and your dating life separate until appropriate. Consider your dating life as an activity you do the occasional evening as an adult social activity. It's not a meat market race to find your next husband. Take the time to really find who is right for you and who your children might like as well.

2. Strive to achieve a certain balance in your life. Ensure that how you spend your time on a day-to-day basis demonstrates your life's priorities. This is key to many men as they will want to see some form of independence in you. No man wants a clingy woman with a track record of loser men from her past. No drama mama is what I am trying to say....

3. Avoid involving your children with everyone you date. One of the most difficult things for a child after his parents separate is being exposed too soon to a parent's "new" partner.Kids don't need to know who this man/woman is UNLESS it begins to get serious. Introducing your kids to too many dates will only confuse them and make you look like a loose cannon floozie!

• Protect your kids from uncomfortable feelings by not involving them with your dates.
• Recognize that, even if you really like someone you've gone out with 2 or 3 times, you don't know for sure at that point that the relationship will "work out" and become long-term. If you involve your child and it doesn't work out, your child is again placed in the vulnerable position of feeling rejected, left behind and hurt.

4. Set limits regarding dating and parenting efforts with your children. Be upfront and honest about how much time you'll spend with someone you date.Your family comes first, they are your #1 priority. Don't forget that.

• For example, if you feel you can't be out past a certain time or can't go out two nights in a row because of your parenting duties, be open about it. Doing so shows you're clear and confident about what's important to you.

5. Share your feelings with the person you're dating. If you're disappointed you're unable to spend more time with the person you're dating, tell them.Otherwise they may think that you are looking for an easy way out.

• Also, this way, they'll know what you're going through and hopefully grow to understand your position as a parent who's striving to have a healthy social life.

6. Let your kids know that they're your first priority!!!!!!!!!!!!! Regardless of just telling them so, demonstrate through your behavior that you love your kids and are interested in all their activities.Don't stop being a mom. Your job, dear, is NEVER done. You took that oath when you have your children. A mothers job is never finished and you will be the rock that they lean on always, so get it right.

• Make a major effort to attend your kids' school functions and extracurricular activities, such as sports, dance and music recitals.

7. Every now and again.... talk with your children in general about your dating life. Tailor your talk based on the age of your children.

• Explain that you like to have fun with other adults and that there will be times that you go out with friends.I'm sure that they'll want you to be happy. (My kids pushed me to date and get out. Don't sit at home when you can be out meeting new people, but at the same time, once you meed someone, don't forget your family obligations.)
• Let them know a couple of days in advance that you'll be going out and share your plans with them to a certain extent. They don't need to know everything, but this way t assures them that you are in control of your life.

8. Your time out can be an opportunity to make life interesting and fun for your kids. For example, occasionally, let them stay over with Grandma and Grandpa or at your sisters, or BFFs when you have a date. Your kids most likely enjoy spending time with family or your friends.

• Or find a teenager close by that you know and trust. Usually, kids love to have teenagers for babysitters.
• As long as you know the kids will be well cared for and safe, make the time they spend without you fun.

This is your new time to shine....so enjoy life and dating! Don't make it a chore, make it a new experience! You can truly enjoy this time of your life. Even though you're a parent, you can set aside time to date. Make an effort to balance your single-parenting life and your dating life. You'll be happy that you did. Being a single mother is not easy, but it is rewarding, and you too will survive just as I did. Enjoy your family...they are your life, and they will become a reflection of YOU, so show them what good parenting is all about.

www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com

How Do You Manage Your Time?

There are a variety of ways that we can manage our time. I know myself, personally regardless of the ways that there are often for me the issues at hand are not how to manage it rather where to find enough time in the day to do it all? Sound familiar? You're not alone...there are days when I wake up and want to pull the covers back over my head because the list of things to do is so long. Needless to say, we find ways to cope with it. What we end up doing more often than not is stressing over this and that is not good for anyone. Clear your head, and take a deep breath. I have the answers as to how you can take some control over this issue.

I have listed  a few strategies you can use to manage your time in a better and more efficient manner;

1. Always define your goals as clearly as possible.

Do you find you are not doing what you want to do just because your goals have not been set properly yet?This is common, and you aren't the only one to be struggling sister...many of us do. 

One of the factors which make successful and happy people stand out is their ability to work out what they want to achieve and have written goals which they can review them constantly. Your long term goals should impact on your daily activities and be included on your "to do" list. Without a goal or objective people tend to just drift off personally and professionally. If you have your list, stick to it. In the long run you will save time allowing more "you" time!

2. Analyze your use of time.

Are you spending enough time on the projects which although may not be urgent now but are things that you need to do to develop yourself or your career? If you are constantly asking yourself “What can I do to make things easier for me right now?" it will help you to focus on 'important tasks' and stop reacting to tasks which seem urgent (or pleasant to do) but carry no importance towards your goals. If you have a spouse and children your job i seven more difficult and the days just keep getting shorter. Try getting and using a personal calendar, setting reminders on your computer, cell phone or personal organizer.

3. Have a plan.

How can you achieve your goals without a plan? I don’t even think that is possible.If I didn't have things written down each day I would not only forget half of the list but I would not manage my time well at all. Most people know what they want but have no plan to achieve it except by sheer hard work. What’s the point in doing hard work when you don’t know how to apply it? Successful people make lists constantly.It enables them to stay on top of priorities and enable them to remain flexible to changing priorities. This should be done for both personal and business goals.

4. Action plan analysis.

Problems will always happen when you set a plan. The value of a good plan is to identify them early and seek out solutions immediately. Good time management enables you to measure the progress towards your goals because "What you can measure, you can control".

Always try to be proactive in the achievement of successfully managing your time!! This is KEY!

Time management is not a hard subject to understand, but unless you are committed to building better time management techniques into your daily routine you'll only achieve partial (or no) results and end up right back where you started.You have to commit to managing your time better and remember to include time for yourself.

The lesson that you need to learn is that the more time we spend planning our time and activities the more time we will have for those activities. By setting goals, eliminating time wasters and doing this everyday, you may find you will have extra time in the week to spend on those people and activities most important to you.

www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com