We know that there is a sense of warmth when someone cares for us. Everyone needs to feel loved. It makes us feel good, it gives us a confident feeling. We feel appreciated and we transform those feelings into so many incredible things for our partner. It's vital to know how you enjoy being loved, but also how to properly love others.There are various ways to describe the languages of love,yet some of us may not fully understand them. Love is a special thing to endure. Some people are very fortunate to find it and when you do, you want to really hang on to it.I say this over and over but please...COMMUNICATE with one an other. Good communication is a tool, and good tools can make a task much easier to accomplish.
Communication is probably the number one stated problem area among
the couples I work with in my practice. Common problem descriptions
include, “We don’t communicate very well,” or “we argue too much,” or
“we just don’t know how to communicate with each other.”When
couples experience frequent arguments and the heartache of unresolved
conflict it is no wonder that they identify “lack of communication” as
one of their central issues. These couples don't quite get the language of love.
There is a basic breakdown of five different love languages to make it easier for us to identify how to express ourselves to our loved ones. Once you've figured out what your partner's love language is you'll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.
For example, let's say that your partner likes to hear the words "I love you" often. Even though they know that you love them, just hearing the phrase can brighten their day. But perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love, but at the same time it's not their personal preference of how they like to receive love.
The Love Languages Explained:
1. Verbal Lovers. Like the example above, some people just like to hear gestures of love such as "I love you" and "I appreciate everything that you do." For this type of person, you'll want to provide constant encouragement, never letting things go unsaid.
- Try verbalizing your appreciations in some way each day. That's right, just tell them!
- Don't assume your partner knows what you're thinking and feeling - speak up!
2. Time Well Spent. One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn't mean just casual conversation; it means the times where your partner is your main focus. If your partner enjoys quality time, here are some things to consider:
- Choose a certain time each day or week where you're completely dedicated to your partner. This means that you need to shut off the TV, Yes...turn off ESPN! Put down the paper, and take some away from the kids.
- Think of activities you can do together to really connect.
- Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it's the only way you can truly connect with your partner.
3. The Gift Giver. Who doesn't love gifts....large or small? Another love language is one where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn't because they're greedy; it means they're visual people who enjoy seeing proof of your deepening relationship. If you're with this type of partner, try these tips:
- Even if you're a big saver, make the effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts.Something small goes a long way.
- Leave loving cards and notes for them. This is in no way costly yet they know that you are thinking of them.
- Don't give gifts everyday, but give gifts that are meaningful.
4. The Chores. We can't forget the chores when it comes to a language of communication between partners. Since there are many things that need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you try to figure out who's doing what. Keep these tips in mind:
- Everyone has different chores that they deem important.
- Figure out which ones your partner doesn't enjoy and do them.
- Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate.
5. Physical Affection. The physical affection love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn't only mean making love. It involves simple touches too. Each partner will usually have some kind of opinion when it comes to this language:
- Figure out which kinds of touches your partner enjoys, it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television.
- This is equally important, figure out which touches irritate your partner.
- Get to know your partner's moods so you know when to express physical affection.
The Combination
Your partner will likely speak a certain combination of these love languages. As your relationship deepens, you'll get to know your partner better and better. It may even help to outright discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to better understand each other.This is a great line of opening the communication and verbally discussing what it is that makes you happy.
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