Keeping Your Marriage Balanced

Dating is fun for most people but it certainly can be quite stressful at the same time.When you're just starting in a new relationship, you have so much to talk about! You may find that you share many of the same hopes and dreams for the future. You begin to see if you may be compatible down the road, and if you do, this is all good. As the relationship grows, you want to be sure you're building a 

rock-solid foundation on which to base your relationship. Having that solid foundation will help your relationship weather the storms of life and bring you joy together. My grandmothers advice was always "keep the communication lines open!"

In the past it wasn't unusual for couples to stay married to the same person for their entire adult life. Take my parents for example. It will be their 50th wedding anniversary this October. In the past, it was expected that you would only have one spouse unless death took them away. Today? Not so much.  It was also expected that couples would buy a home and remain in that community to raise their children. Today...again, not so much. Today with economy it's become the '"go where the work and money are" deal. Commitment and community stability were two of the mainstays of the solid foundation marriages were built upon. Things sure have changed in many ways. 

Modern Marriages

In today's global economy, you're no longer expected to stay in your same community your entire life. You may, instead, travel the country or the world during your professional career. However, you can still have a committed marriage that grows stronger as the years pass.

Unfortunately though, it seems that people today are afraid of true commitment. Does this surprise you? It doesn't surprise me at all. Instead of entering a marriage with the intention to stick around no matter what, many people go into marriage with the idea that, "I can always get a divorce if things don't work out." Having that idea, even if it's not a conscious thought, makes leaving much easier when the going gets tough.I'm sorry, but truth be told, that is such a cop out! Really? People don't try hard any more. Everyone just gives up. Divorce attorneys sure don't seem to mind, do they?

So how does a marriage last in today's society? The road to a committed marriage with a rock-solid foundation is a journey based upon a familiar road map. A couple must decide if they're willing to make the journey together regardless of where the road may lead.

Here are the normal stops along the way:

1. Romance. Romantic love is the easiest form of love. In fact, it's nearly effortless. This love truly is blind. Each person believes the other is perfect and that their love can withstand any stresses that may come. This period generally lasts about two years but can change as early as six months.

2. Adjustments. After the blinders come off, the couple begins to realize their beloved isn't as perfect as they thought. There may also be a small hiccup in their relationship as adjustments are made. This is where the real relationship begins.

3. Compromise. A power struggle usually occurs after each partner realizes they must adjust some of their dreams for reality. At this point one or both may decide to leave the relationship. However, if they can stand together during this time, the relationship has a very good chance of beating the odds. Too many people want to throw in the towel today. You just don't toss a good marriage aside for small faults...you work together to build it and make it better. Sure this can be difficult, and it requires a lot of patience. We aren't perfect, and we make a lot of mistakes along the way. We develop habits, some not so good, but we are human.

• This is a crucial time of learning to solve problems, negotiating to get what they want, and resolving conflicts. What does this mean in short? It's quite simple actually.... it means we have arguments, and we get upset by little things our spouses do. It is the small things that nag at us day in and day out...they forget to put the toilet seat down, they leave the OJ container in the fridge with a few drops left in it rather than throwing it out, they don't always pick up after themselves well. Perhaps they leave the plunger out in the bathroom out so that we stumble on it time and time again rather than putting it under the vanity until it makes us so mad that we throw it right out the window. Yes, that will get his attention!

4. Re-evaluation. To keep the happy balance, next comes a point where each one re-evaluates their relationship. They turn to friends and family to get confirmation that they weren't foolish after all. An affair is more likely now than at nearly any other point of a relationship.

• They must hold fast to their commitment and re-learn who they are as individuals.

5. Together again. There is a drawing together again from this point. They may still have conflicts and differences, but each one is more giving and forgiving where needed. They've weathered some storms and are ready for the next stop.

6. Acceptance. This is the end of the road for building a rock-solid foundation. They've learned to express their own needs while looking out for the needs of their partner. No one expects the other to meet their every need, and there is a balance of being individuals as well as a couple.They can now meet any storm head on and come out standing together with the foundation intact. From this point forward, their love and commitment can only grows stronger.

 On top of the foundation of love and commitment, there needs to be trust, conscious attention to your partner, and mutual respect. With these building blocks placed upon a solid foundation, your relationship will always be strong and love will always be your key to happiness. Finding the right balance takes time and much effort in a marriage...nonetheless, dedication and hard work. No one ever said marriage was easy...but then again, someone once told me that anything worth having is worth fighting for, so if you have hit a rough spot in your marriage, and you come to that fork in the road where you don't know which way to go, I say...fix the bumps. Smooth things out, you'll be glad that you did.

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