Want a Healthy Relationship?

        7 Daily Doses to Practice Healthy Relationship Habits;

•   Respect and being Respected. Life and relationships are about meeting in the middle. I've always said that it takes two to make a relationship work and two to make it fail. Trust me, I know this first hand. Relationships can endure a lot of bumps in the road if you respect one another. Relationships are about finding your own inner happiness and then spreading the love with your partner or mate. Before you can love you have to love and respect yourself. The two go hand in hand. Respect is not something that one should have to think about in a relationship, you just DO IT! How so? Little ways…call her and say hello out of the blue, text her in the middle of the day and tell her that you’re thinking about her. Pick up her dry-cleaning. Surprise her by cooking dinner because you know darn well that she had a rough day at work. Listen to her when she speaks, and really pay attention to her thoughts, wants and needs.

•   Trusting and being Trusted. I’m a shoot from the hip kinda gal and that’s how you should be too! If you are not, you need to be a straight shooter. Trust is the great equalizer in a good relationship; without it there is no good! A good foundation in a healthy love relationship is built on trust and trust must be earned. 

Holding back on the truth about how you feel, only telling part of the story, fudging on what your wants and needs are to your partner slowly erodes the trust in your relationship. Total honesty brings about awesome trust. Do all that you can to achieve it and have a relationship that can endure it all.

•   Always go that extra mile. Don’t wait for her to do it- you do it…and by it, I mean anything to make her smile. Motivate each other to be the best you can be. Be inventive in coming up with ways to inspire your love life. Never stop. NEVER! Push the romance envelope with a getaway in the mountains for a long weekend or if you are anything like be, be a toes in the sand kinda gal. Have fun, be creative and enjoy life. Life is a precious gift, don’t waste it pondering negative thoughts, do what makes you happy and your partner happy. Remember, you may not be perfect, but you are perfect in her eyes, and in retrospect that's really all that matters now isn't it?

•   Agree to Agree. It is important to understand that relationships seldom feel easy; however, a relationship is less of a struggle when two people agree to do whatever it takes to make it workable. Building a solid foundation is key folks. Without it, like quicksand you will sink and your relationship will not survive. This does not mean giving it your best shot and if it doesn't work, you move on. Don't be a quitter. This means doing whatever it takes!

•   Want your romance life to last a lifetime? Ok…2 Words;

Make Memories; How about creating a scrapbook of love? Don’t call me cheesy here…it’s a great way to remember all the wonderful things that you did together and a way to go back and look at your relationship whenever you need a reminder of good times. Stash your memories of special greeting cards, matchbook covers that remind you of great visits, snapshots, a pressed flower, ticket stubs, a handwritten love poem, a funny, thoughtful valentine. 

Celebrate spending time together. Do things that make the two of you happy. Memories tell stories and stories are passed down from generation to generation, so give everyone something to talk about.

•   Spread a little sunshine. That's right, sunshine. What does this mean? Don’t hover over one another. Make them happy! Give each other permission to their own space. You should have your friends as a couple but you should also have a few close friends that you like to hang out with one night a week, or month. These could be life long friends or even coworkers. It is healthy to give one another space. No one wants to be smothered. Relationships need to grow, so feed them. Give her a daily dose of love. Nothing grows well in the shade! If you are forever in your loved one’s pocket, you can stifle the love so freely given. Even love partners need time alone. You need space. I know I need mine. Too much togetherness is not good. Go out shopping with your friends, or to a ball game or concert. This shows that you can and speaks volumes of trust.

•   Are you pushing your partner’s hot buttons? If not…TRY IT! …But push them spontaneously. I'm not talking about the ones you shouldn’t push. Push the turn-on buttons. No better way than to every now and again crank up the heat in the bedroom or any room for that matter. Know what delights and pleases your partner and push those buttons, and do it most often. Does he like thigh highs and garters under a trench coat? Does he like your sensual perfume on his pillow case? Find what makes your partner, lover, mate tick and load him up with your ammunition. Knowing what makes him or her tick and turning them on at the right times is KEY to a fun, happy and most desired and sexual relationship. Remember, you’ve made it this far, so remind her that she is everything in your eye. Something tells me that you got a groovy kind of love...

Keeping Your Marriage Balanced

Dating is fun for most people but it certainly can be quite stressful at the same time.When you're just starting in a new relationship, you have so much to talk about! You may find that you share many of the same hopes and dreams for the future. You begin to see if you may be compatible down the road, and if you do, this is all good. As the relationship grows, you want to be sure you're building a 

rock-solid foundation on which to base your relationship. Having that solid foundation will help your relationship weather the storms of life and bring you joy together. My grandmothers advice was always "keep the communication lines open!"

In the past it wasn't unusual for couples to stay married to the same person for their entire adult life. Take my parents for example. It will be their 50th wedding anniversary this October. In the past, it was expected that you would only have one spouse unless death took them away. Today? Not so much.  It was also expected that couples would buy a home and remain in that community to raise their children. Today...again, not so much. Today with economy it's become the '"go where the work and money are" deal. Commitment and community stability were two of the mainstays of the solid foundation marriages were built upon. Things sure have changed in many ways. 

Modern Marriages

In today's global economy, you're no longer expected to stay in your same community your entire life. You may, instead, travel the country or the world during your professional career. However, you can still have a committed marriage that grows stronger as the years pass.

Unfortunately though, it seems that people today are afraid of true commitment. Does this surprise you? It doesn't surprise me at all. Instead of entering a marriage with the intention to stick around no matter what, many people go into marriage with the idea that, "I can always get a divorce if things don't work out." Having that idea, even if it's not a conscious thought, makes leaving much easier when the going gets tough.I'm sorry, but truth be told, that is such a cop out! Really? People don't try hard any more. Everyone just gives up. Divorce attorneys sure don't seem to mind, do they?

So how does a marriage last in today's society? The road to a committed marriage with a rock-solid foundation is a journey based upon a familiar road map. A couple must decide if they're willing to make the journey together regardless of where the road may lead.

Here are the normal stops along the way:

1. Romance. Romantic love is the easiest form of love. In fact, it's nearly effortless. This love truly is blind. Each person believes the other is perfect and that their love can withstand any stresses that may come. This period generally lasts about two years but can change as early as six months.

2. Adjustments. After the blinders come off, the couple begins to realize their beloved isn't as perfect as they thought. There may also be a small hiccup in their relationship as adjustments are made. This is where the real relationship begins.

3. Compromise. A power struggle usually occurs after each partner realizes they must adjust some of their dreams for reality. At this point one or both may decide to leave the relationship. However, if they can stand together during this time, the relationship has a very good chance of beating the odds. Too many people want to throw in the towel today. You just don't toss a good marriage aside for small faults...you work together to build it and make it better. Sure this can be difficult, and it requires a lot of patience. We aren't perfect, and we make a lot of mistakes along the way. We develop habits, some not so good, but we are human.

• This is a crucial time of learning to solve problems, negotiating to get what they want, and resolving conflicts. What does this mean in short? It's quite simple actually.... it means we have arguments, and we get upset by little things our spouses do. It is the small things that nag at us day in and day out...they forget to put the toilet seat down, they leave the OJ container in the fridge with a few drops left in it rather than throwing it out, they don't always pick up after themselves well. Perhaps they leave the plunger out in the bathroom out so that we stumble on it time and time again rather than putting it under the vanity until it makes us so mad that we throw it right out the window. Yes, that will get his attention!

4. Re-evaluation. To keep the happy balance, next comes a point where each one re-evaluates their relationship. They turn to friends and family to get confirmation that they weren't foolish after all. An affair is more likely now than at nearly any other point of a relationship.

• They must hold fast to their commitment and re-learn who they are as individuals.

5. Together again. There is a drawing together again from this point. They may still have conflicts and differences, but each one is more giving and forgiving where needed. They've weathered some storms and are ready for the next stop.

6. Acceptance. This is the end of the road for building a rock-solid foundation. They've learned to express their own needs while looking out for the needs of their partner. No one expects the other to meet their every need, and there is a balance of being individuals as well as a couple.They can now meet any storm head on and come out standing together with the foundation intact. From this point forward, their love and commitment can only grows stronger.

 On top of the foundation of love and commitment, there needs to be trust, conscious attention to your partner, and mutual respect. With these building blocks placed upon a solid foundation, your relationship will always be strong and love will always be your key to happiness. Finding the right balance takes time and much effort in a marriage...nonetheless, dedication and hard work. No one ever said marriage was easy...but then again, someone once told me that anything worth having is worth fighting for, so if you have hit a rough spot in your marriage, and you come to that fork in the road where you don't know which way to go, I say...fix the bumps. Smooth things out, you'll be glad that you did.

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