4 Musts that a Man "MUST HAVE!"

Waylon Jennings sang once a long time ago..."Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places"... That song, and those words certainly spiked some pretty intense conversations and made me do some personal and serious thinking. Is finding the right partner a key ingredient in your recipe for a happy life? Good God, you bet it is, but you won't find him in a bar hovering over a jukebox machine playing some mush music about drunken nights and barmaids. You'll find him when and where you least expect it, and when you aren't looking for love. There are a lot of things that we look for in a man, BUT there are 4 must haves to make him the man for me, and probably for a lot of you...

 My grandmother who was also my best friend used to say to me; "Michele, find a good man and having a wonderful true relationship is like making the perfect casserole dish. You need all the right ingredients!" She was certainly a very smart woman indeed. No I am not comparing casseroles to relationships but in a sense, you do get what I am saying don't you? Building a solid relationship starts at the ground level, casseroles start at the bottom of the baking dish with all the finest ingredients and from there you build it...but if that isn't level, and you don't have a solid foundation, like a casserole, your relationship will crumble.

While the search can seem elusive, it gets much easier if you learn to focus on the qualities that are fundamental to forging healthy and positive relationships: character, background, personality, and chemistry. These are all things that are clearly important to me, and they should be important to you as well.

 

Character- this is a MUST HAVE or do not pass go and do not collect your $200! Your character defines WHO YOU ARE!

1. Assess their availability. For a loving relationship, both parties must be available for love. If one of you is already involved with another person, you're already off to a difficult start! Circumstances may change with time or you may need to look elsewhere.

2. Establish trust. Trust is basic to any stable relationship. You deserve a relationship that enhances your peace of mind, rather than creating new anxieties.

3. Look at how they manage conflicts. It's okay to disagree as long as you respect each other's positions. Arguments can even bring you closer together when you both aim for solutions that satisfy both parties rather than seeking victory.

Background- Pay close attention here folks, you can learn much about ones past by viewing them and how they act in the present with friends, family and coworkers. Watch out for the 'Slick Willies' that try to feed you a line of shit a mile long and then thing that you're buying it. Wake up boys, do we look like we were born yesterday? I want the whole scoop, not just the bits and pieces.

1. Resolve past issues. Regardless of what hardships a person has faced, focus on what they did to overcome adversity and challenges.

2. Discuss previous relationships. People have different comfort levels when it comes to talking about past lovers. Still, it's important to be aware of any patterns and know how to manage them.

3. Learn from each other's family history. Our family experiences often have a profound influence in shaping our lives and our reactions to new events. For example, knowing how your potential partner felt about their parent's divorce might help you understand them better.

4. Find common ground on money matters. Mingling finances is a big step. Get a sense of how compatible you are when it comes to making decisions about spending and saving.

• Many successful couples have different perspectives on economics, but they make it work by balancing each other's strengths and weaknesses. This is a wonderful key note to speak of. Meeting in the middle makes all the difference, so try it, why don't you. Stubborn? Come down off your high horse.

5. Know each other's expectations about parenting. Parenting is one issue where it's very difficult to make compromises. Before making a commitment, clarify whether you're on the same page with wanting a big family or a family of two.

Personality- If you don't have one there is nothing I can do for you. You've either got it or you don't,...and I do, so some man is going to be lucky as shit to end up with me!I hope to find a man who is loving and has the same traits that I do, including my superpower of sarcasm at times.

1. Communicate. Constructive communication is the lifeline for any alliance. Communication skills can be improved with practice, but it's helpful to know each other's habits.

2. Have fun together. After all, you're looking for someone whose company you'll enjoy. If your girlfriend makes you laugh even during tax season, this is a good sign that you may have a future together.

3. Share common interests. Liking the same things will also help you feel more connected. Whether you love film festivals or camping, you can create meaningful experiences and happy memories that you both will treasure.

Chemistry- This is a must for most people, but I say don't push it right away, sometimes things need to be nurtured a little bit, maybe he's shy and the sparks may come a bit later, don't fret if it isn't there right away. Sometimes we're so nervous that we really can't be our true self! Don't try too hard, just be you!Now then, once you do determine that there is some chemistry...sweetheart...don't sweat the small stuff. Give it a few dates to see...love doesn't strike us all dead at first glance. It evolves like a romance novel into something wonderful where new memories are formed. If you are reading this now and laughing wondering "what did she eat for breakfast because she is on crack!?" I'm perfectly fine, anyone can be taken far far away if they click their heels together 3 times!

1. Let the sparks fly. Physical attraction is one of the greatest joys in life. As long as all the other elements for a healthy relationship are in place, it's wonderful to find a mate who makes your heart race, flutter and skip a beat.

2. Stay healthy. If your partner leads a healthy lifestyle, you may be more likely to preserve that initial attraction. You might even be rewarded with having more years to spend together.

3. Take a balanced view of romance. It's great to keep romance alive so long as it's free from illusions. Passions will fluctuate over time, but your sense of commitment and affection can keep on growing through the years. It it changing. That is what so many couples don't  do and after a while they just become Mr and Mrs Boring.Keep it alive folks! Life is good!

A life partner is a precious gift. We all appreciate feeling validated and having someone to share our happiness. Knowing what to look for pays off when you're looking for love in all the right places, but do we know where those places are? It is still a mystery. Listen, I won't settle for just anyone. He is really going to have to knock my socks off! Does your fella do that for you?

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