This may or may not come to many of you as a shocker, however, to those of you whom have never used a dating site or did, and were more fortunate than most women, then you probably won't understand at all what I am about to say...however, to those of you women some so very much like myself that over the years tried dabbling on a dating site 'here or there' to meet a good man because our schedules keep us too busy...well, you'll know what I am about to say is pretty much the truth. To all of you woman that truly do understand because you've been down this path, I'm sure that in some way(s) you can relate? What I learned about most men from dating sites was pathetic. What I learned was that they have big egos, think that they are all that and a bag of chips, and the lie through their teeth. (most of them that is, not all of them. I realize that there are a lot of good guys out there.)
I guess most people would ask, (because my mother questions this day in and day out)..."Why do women join these dating sites Michele?" A pretty classic reason for joining a dating site is that some people are so busy with work or other life responsibilities that there is simply no time to go out and meet people/date. Our schedules get hectic. We spend a lot of our time at work..Sure, the guys at the office are handsome but you wouldn't think about dating them because God forbid it turned out to go sour...then you have to look at him and pass him in the elevator, hallway, and break room day in and day out.
The old fashion ways of dating has become extinct more less and although some women find this a challenge, I feel that it can be a real nightmare for others. I was doing research not all that long ago and was looking for reasons women really join these sites? This is what I found to be mind boggling; one woman said this: "A lot of those sites are mostly lonely and often undesirable people. However, sometimes a plain man is better than a handsome one."Are you kidding me? Who says this shit? Lonely and undesirable people? Gee sister, you've now just pissed off a whole lot of people...good thing she kept her name anonymous.
Then I read this one; humor me please...."I was into online dating for a long time in my life & quitted when i realised that many of those who are in the online dating sites goes there because they have difficulty finding someone from the real life. (what as opposed to Mars?) then she continued to say; When i realised that, i also realised that i am into online dating because i have problems in my real life too." OK first of all, what I am about to say is not me being rude in any way, shape or form...but, where in the heck did you learn grammar? You can't spell and you need to fix your own life before sucking anyone else into it. Look, I'm not making fun of these people, I'm trying to make a point here...and that is that dating sites are NOT for everyone. So many people hide behind them. Someone once said that if you cannot say something to someones face, why would you write it? If I write it, you'd better believe that it is going to be something that I am not at all afraid to say out loud.
People think that men and women have to be a perfect 10 or exceptionally beautiful or handsome,...and then I ran across this comment; "It's a dating site for crying out loud, filled with everyday people - not an online model agency, and you're going to get a cross-section of society - some average, some attractive, some below average. Just because someone isn't fit to be on the cover of a magazine doesn't mean that they're not worthy of love, and if someone contacts you, you should take that as a compliment, even if you aren't interested. If you feel the sites are beneath you, why don't you go register on a 'beautiful people' dating site and see if they will accept you?" OK, I found humor in this one...it was heartfelt, real and the truth.
First of all, what makes women think that they'll find the man of her dreams on a dating site? I don't know really...but a lot of things contribute to this factor. Some do it because they are lonely and want companionship. Some do it for the free drink or dinner, and others, well some just want sex. Really ladies? Is this what it all boils down to? I find it repulsive that anyone could be happy with some "Joe" that they met on the Internet for a casual relationship when Mr Right could be out there just waiting for you to walk through a door. So I get why women do the things that they do, and believe me, I'm not applauding or condemning what they do, I am a woman and I have been known at times to be a little sneaky myself...nonetheless heartless. The difference between most woman vs. men is this; we can tell them straight up if this just isn't working or it we don't think it would be good to get together again. Hey, it's really simple...why beat around the bush...just spit it out and say "this isn't working" or "you're really nice but you deserve someone who will care for you the way you desire to be cared for." That's being open, honest and if he doesn't get it, he has issues.
In my case, it is real simple. I don't want to date a man with younger children. I love kids..and when I say that I really mean that I LOVE LOVE LOVE them, but here's the thing....I've spent the last 13 years raising my own being both mom and dad after my divorce and I am simply exhausted. I can honestly say that if they aren't in their later years (meaning in high school, or out of college)....bye-bye! For me, it is honesty that seems to get me in trouble. Men want us to tell the truth but when I do, it seems to have an adverse effect. Why would I want to be a mom or stepmother to children again after all this time and raise a family all over again? It's just not for me. I have offended some men in the past and some just recently by sharing this with them, but my thoughts are simple; at least I lay my cards on the table and they can either understand what my wishes are or walk away from them. It's honest, and quite simple actually... and as that song goes, Kay Sera Sera...
At this stage in my life personally I want a man who has gone down the father road, loves kids, raised his kids and now that they are grown, he can do the things that he's always wanted to do also. I want to travel, go to the beach, or just go to Vegas when I want to...no schedules to check, no "I have the kids this weekend" ...I want to just go! I love my kids and if I had to do what I did all over again I wouldn't have changed a thing...and looking back, a lot of good men walked away from me because I had younger children. At that time I didn't understand it but after a while I did.
When I began dating so many years ago after my divorced I couldn't wait to get back out there like so many of you also do. I married my high school sweetheart and never really experienced the dating scene...now here was my chance! Guess what? I hated it. Men were mean and rude and horn dogs. Some treated me like I had the plague when I even mentioned having younger kids. I had a saying, "There are three of us and we come as a package" meaning...if the man didn't like that and could not accept it, then he certainly was not the man for me! Now, years later, this is my time! At age 48, pushing 49 I can be picky and I won't settle. Might this mean me being alone for the rest of my life? Sure, that is a great possibility, BUT it is a possibility that I am more than ready to accept. I have become independent and can live on my own just fine and do all the things that I enjoy doing while running my businesses. Don't give up. Online dating sites do work for a lot of people. Love is all around us and it comes in various forms. They say that it happens when you least expect it to...so take my advice; be patient.
What I don't get is this; (and don't get angry, I realize that many women do this too) ...
Why do men put profiles on dating sites with pictures that are as old as dirt? Why do men think that they are Gods gift to women when honestly guys, a lot of you really aren't. Why do you act nice and then change shortly there after? Why say..."Hey, lets do this again?"... if your intentions are to never see her again? Why say things that you don't mean and build up false hope then allow the bottom to fall out when you don't call when you say that you will? Come on guys...Why not just have some balls and...here's one you might not grasp well...BE HONEST?!?!?!??
It is sad that in today's society, people can't just be themselves. It is sad when people cannot just look you in the eye and tell you the truth, and it is even more sad when they don't have the audacity to be human and treat you with the respect you simply deserve. Phone died, lost my internet service, too busy working, was out of town...excuses, excuses excuses,....Shame on you boys, no balls!
I guess most people would ask, (because my mother questions this day in and day out)..."Why do women join these dating sites Michele?" A pretty classic reason for joining a dating site is that some people are so busy with work or other life responsibilities that there is simply no time to go out and meet people/date. Our schedules get hectic. We spend a lot of our time at work..Sure, the guys at the office are handsome but you wouldn't think about dating them because God forbid it turned out to go sour...then you have to look at him and pass him in the elevator, hallway, and break room day in and day out.
The old fashion ways of dating has become extinct more less and although some women find this a challenge, I feel that it can be a real nightmare for others. I was doing research not all that long ago and was looking for reasons women really join these sites? This is what I found to be mind boggling; one woman said this: "A lot of those sites are mostly lonely and often undesirable people. However, sometimes a plain man is better than a handsome one."Are you kidding me? Who says this shit? Lonely and undesirable people? Gee sister, you've now just pissed off a whole lot of people...good thing she kept her name anonymous.
Then I read this one; humor me please...."I was into online dating for a long time in my life & quitted when i realised that many of those who are in the online dating sites goes there because they have difficulty finding someone from the real life. (what as opposed to Mars?) then she continued to say; When i realised that, i also realised that i am into online dating because i have problems in my real life too." OK first of all, what I am about to say is not me being rude in any way, shape or form...but, where in the heck did you learn grammar? You can't spell and you need to fix your own life before sucking anyone else into it. Look, I'm not making fun of these people, I'm trying to make a point here...and that is that dating sites are NOT for everyone. So many people hide behind them. Someone once said that if you cannot say something to someones face, why would you write it? If I write it, you'd better believe that it is going to be something that I am not at all afraid to say out loud.
People think that men and women have to be a perfect 10 or exceptionally beautiful or handsome,...and then I ran across this comment; "It's a dating site for crying out loud, filled with everyday people - not an online model agency, and you're going to get a cross-section of society - some average, some attractive, some below average. Just because someone isn't fit to be on the cover of a magazine doesn't mean that they're not worthy of love, and if someone contacts you, you should take that as a compliment, even if you aren't interested. If you feel the sites are beneath you, why don't you go register on a 'beautiful people' dating site and see if they will accept you?" OK, I found humor in this one...it was heartfelt, real and the truth.
First of all, what makes women think that they'll find the man of her dreams on a dating site? I don't know really...but a lot of things contribute to this factor. Some do it because they are lonely and want companionship. Some do it for the free drink or dinner, and others, well some just want sex. Really ladies? Is this what it all boils down to? I find it repulsive that anyone could be happy with some "Joe" that they met on the Internet for a casual relationship when Mr Right could be out there just waiting for you to walk through a door. So I get why women do the things that they do, and believe me, I'm not applauding or condemning what they do, I am a woman and I have been known at times to be a little sneaky myself...nonetheless heartless. The difference between most woman vs. men is this; we can tell them straight up if this just isn't working or it we don't think it would be good to get together again. Hey, it's really simple...why beat around the bush...just spit it out and say "this isn't working" or "you're really nice but you deserve someone who will care for you the way you desire to be cared for." That's being open, honest and if he doesn't get it, he has issues.
In my case, it is real simple. I don't want to date a man with younger children. I love kids..and when I say that I really mean that I LOVE LOVE LOVE them, but here's the thing....I've spent the last 13 years raising my own being both mom and dad after my divorce and I am simply exhausted. I can honestly say that if they aren't in their later years (meaning in high school, or out of college)....bye-bye! For me, it is honesty that seems to get me in trouble. Men want us to tell the truth but when I do, it seems to have an adverse effect. Why would I want to be a mom or stepmother to children again after all this time and raise a family all over again? It's just not for me. I have offended some men in the past and some just recently by sharing this with them, but my thoughts are simple; at least I lay my cards on the table and they can either understand what my wishes are or walk away from them. It's honest, and quite simple actually... and as that song goes, Kay Sera Sera...
At this stage in my life personally I want a man who has gone down the father road, loves kids, raised his kids and now that they are grown, he can do the things that he's always wanted to do also. I want to travel, go to the beach, or just go to Vegas when I want to...no schedules to check, no "I have the kids this weekend" ...I want to just go! I love my kids and if I had to do what I did all over again I wouldn't have changed a thing...and looking back, a lot of good men walked away from me because I had younger children. At that time I didn't understand it but after a while I did.
When I began dating so many years ago after my divorced I couldn't wait to get back out there like so many of you also do. I married my high school sweetheart and never really experienced the dating scene...now here was my chance! Guess what? I hated it. Men were mean and rude and horn dogs. Some treated me like I had the plague when I even mentioned having younger kids. I had a saying, "There are three of us and we come as a package" meaning...if the man didn't like that and could not accept it, then he certainly was not the man for me! Now, years later, this is my time! At age 48, pushing 49 I can be picky and I won't settle. Might this mean me being alone for the rest of my life? Sure, that is a great possibility, BUT it is a possibility that I am more than ready to accept. I have become independent and can live on my own just fine and do all the things that I enjoy doing while running my businesses. Don't give up. Online dating sites do work for a lot of people. Love is all around us and it comes in various forms. They say that it happens when you least expect it to...so take my advice; be patient.
What I don't get is this; (and don't get angry, I realize that many women do this too) ...
Why do men put profiles on dating sites with pictures that are as old as dirt? Why do men think that they are Gods gift to women when honestly guys, a lot of you really aren't. Why do you act nice and then change shortly there after? Why say..."Hey, lets do this again?"... if your intentions are to never see her again? Why say things that you don't mean and build up false hope then allow the bottom to fall out when you don't call when you say that you will? Come on guys...Why not just have some balls and...here's one you might not grasp well...BE HONEST?!?!?!??
It is sad that in today's society, people can't just be themselves. It is sad when people cannot just look you in the eye and tell you the truth, and it is even more sad when they don't have the audacity to be human and treat you with the respect you simply deserve. Phone died, lost my internet service, too busy working, was out of town...excuses, excuses excuses,....Shame on you boys, no balls!
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| www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com |
Michele, women at my office say this all the time, and sister you just hit the nail on the head! Thank you for the inspiring article!
ReplyDeleteAbbie T
Kansas
There are times when I read your articles and find myself lost in translation. Your stories are so real that they are lifelike, and then I realize, that these stories are generally your everyday life Ms Michele. You give women hope, and you set our minds at ease when we continue to beat ourselves up time and time again. This article hit home because for me, like yourself, I am 53 and dating again. I have met some real jerks on internet sites and they have been very ball-less. If I have learned anything from you in the last year since reading your blog it is that you speak from the heart and are honest. I guess for some people morals and integrity don't mean anything anymore...thank you for showing so many of us, including myself that things do get better and that life is good. You are my inspiration and my dating ideals are the same as yours. Thank You for always making me smile and thank you for reminding me that we are all human. Lovely article!
ReplyDeleteJoyce Kades
Lake Tahoe, NV
Not all men are ball-less Michele, but most are indeed.
ReplyDeleteThey give the rest of us a bad name.
Kenny P
Salt Lake City, Utah
Women are ball-less too at times MssDelicious, however, truth be told, your facts are correct.
ReplyDeleteDale S
Chicago, IL