Finding Love Means Loving Yourself First...

For some of us, as we get older, we ponder relationships and ask ourselves if being in one is really all that it is cracked up to be? My thoughts, honestly...no. Perhaps it is because I've not yet the man that makes my heart skip a beat, or found someone who has common goals and interests, with as busy and active as I am, I want someone who never sleeps and loves to travel like I do, oh, and someone who loves kids and cats! My family is quite important to me. With all of my wants and needs, are the chances of me finding someone possible in reality? I think so...Perhaps there is someone wanting the same things that I desire? I keep going back to the question...do I really want this? I'd like to say that I do. If this is true, then I am a firm believer in paths crossing when they are supposed to. Fate has a lot to do with life. How do you feel about this subject?  Is finding a love on your mind? Have you been disappointed in your search like so many other people? While it may seem like discovering the type of relationship you long for is beyond your reach, rest assured it's not all that impossible. First of all...you need a positive attitude and Second...LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

There are many strategies you can use to help you in your quest for that special someone. Once you find that extraordinary person who loves you for who you are, and accepts you as well as your flaws, your relationship can carry you forward, together, toward your dreams and complete fulfillment! FYI ladies, you won't find him in a nightclub or a bar. If you do, I can almost guarantee you...it won't last. Don't hold me to it, but that's my get up on this topic. I have had many of friends who met guys in these surroundings and anyone looks like a stud with a few cocktails in them, and when we are accompanied by alcohol, we tend to have a clouded judgement. If you are reading this and YOU DID meet your partner or spouse in a bar or club, please write me and tell me about it, I'd love to put a positive spin on relationships that do work when you meet in such places, and others would love to hear about it as well.

So,...Here are a few important tips to help you find the loving relationship you seek:

1. Know your own needs. When looking for a long-term relationship, the first thing you need to do is clarify your own wants and needs. Hey, it is ALL ABOUT YOU! Sooooo decided long and hard..."what do I want?" This is not about making those around you happy, it is only about what makes you happy. After all, if you don't know what you want, how will you recognize it when you find it? Write it all down if you have to. I do that...make a "Pro's" and "Con's" list.

• Know who you are, what you want out of life, and what you absolutely don't want.

Many people go out looking for a relationship with no clue what they really need or want in a companion. Sometimes what they end up with is a real pain in their ass...so think long and hard about this one. When you're able to figure out your own desires and know who you truly are, then you're much more likely to find someone who fulfills those desires. 

2. Be firm with your values. In essence, this means NEVER SETTLE! It's essential to stand up for the values you find important. If your love interest has completely different core values, then you're not going to be able to build a strong, loving, and lasting relationship.

• You can still have a relationship with someone you disagree with on some issues...you won't always agree on everything. However, the foundational values that you hold dear should be shared. This could be your religious or political values, or whatever else is important to you.

3. Identify your goals. What are your goals? Where do you plan to be in five or ten years? If you see yourself successful and flourishing and they aren't sure what they want out of life...think long and hard about that...it may very well be your red flag. A relationship where both partners have very different goals will be difficult, not to mention, it will never work. (my own personal opinion, of course, from years of experience)

• It's important that you find someone with similar goals so you're both heading in the same direction. I always say that your partner should be someone whose personality compliments yours well. You want to come closer together as your relationship grows, not be torn apart by wildly differing goals. For example, discuss important subjects such as children, career aspirations, and family life before jumping into a relationship.

4. Be true to yourself. This is imperative if you want to find the loving relationship your heart longs for. As I stated before this...You should never settle for someone just because you want to be in a relationship. As Julia Roberts said in "Pretty Woman"..."Big  Mistake....Huge!"

• Don't allow your desire to have a loving relationship sell you short of what you really deserve.

If you're not true to yourself, you'll come to regret it later. You may wake up one day and realize you're not happy with your life, including the person you're sharing it with. Nothing sucks more than this....believe me, I lived this one.

Finding a loving relationship is possible so never, ever, ever allow someone tell you otherwise. Honey, it is all about you...so don't cut corners. However, it's important that you take the time to prepare yourself to attract your soul mate. It might take some time and effort to get to know yourself first, but the results will be worth it!Knowing yourself means laying the foundation work so that you can pave the way to a happy and successful tomorrow! 

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