Friday, July 22, 2011

Marriage...Making It Work

Why do marriages fall apart? With the divorce rate as high as it is today, you must do everything possible to strengthen and protect your marriage. You cant always have your way or give in to your feelings. You have to discipline yourself to do the right thing. You must do what is in the best interest of your marriage. Here are some fundamental guidelines that can make a Don't always try to be right. You cannot be right and be married. It is always better to do the right thing than to be right. Trying to always be right will doom the future of your bond. The powerful chemistry that you once felt will be diluted. Don't you want to keep the flame buring? That's what makes a marriage work. Surprise them, spoil them, and shower them with little comments here and there that "wow" them! It reminds them that you care. The small things "do" matter!

Never threaten to leave or divorce. Things change between you once you speak these words and its hard to correct. Even if you're angry, don't threaten divorce. They take it as such and after a while, they just sit back and wait for you to finally "just do it!" From experience, I'd say don't mess with this. Keep your yap shut!

Be quick to say, I'm sorry. It amazes me how rapidly a couple is strengthened in love by sincerely saying they are sorry.Don't expect your spouse to believe all the same principles you do. You're never ever going to have everything in common, including values and principles. Respect their differences and them. Love them unconditionally. This is true love, regardless if you have been married for 1 year or 50.

Build your spouse up. Freely give encouragement and praise. Men love having their ego stroked....and really, how difficult is that to do? We already see them as our "Superman!" Remember it is better to give than to receive. Most people are starving for kind and uplifting words. Don't let the person you love fall into this category.

Always side with your spouse in disagreements outside of the marriage, even when they are wrong. Respect  your marriage. Give your spouse the message that You can always count on me. I'm here for you.

Learn to appreciate the things your spouse does, and respond by being verbal often so that they know how much you really do appreciate it!  Don't take your spouse for granted. I sure did. I was young and stupid. I was like a slave driver....no wonder he became so unhappy.Thank them for the things they do for the marriage. Cooking, cleaning the house, and bringing home a paycheck are worthy of frequent appreciation. I just wanted the credit cards and new houses, cars, etc. Why? This is how my mother was and I guess I followed in her footsteps because that was all that I knew. Sometimes, we need to pay more attention!

Try to never go to bed angry with your spouse. We all do this at some point, but you shouldn't!At the very least, learn to allow a truce between you until you can figure things out. Your marriage is more important than the conflict. Communication is KEY KEY KEY! How often do I say this? Start and end each day by telling your spouse that you love them. Let your eyes and your embrace convey the same message. huge difference......

Try to get along! If you don't you'll be like total strangers that should never have even dated let alone got married!  If you are only dating someone and reading this article and you can relate...you need to do a BIG self-check on if your relationship is heading int he right direction, otherwise, the bottom with fall out and "not so nice" will be the language you use! Be nice to one another, no threats,.....and no bad mouthing!




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1 comment:

  1. All that you have said is soooo true. My husband and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary. There were some rocky years. He didn't understand where I was coming from and vice versa. But, we BOTH had the mind set of doing whatever it took to make it work. Fortunately, he was willing to put just as much effort forth as I was. We read the book, "His Needs/Her Needs" together. It changed our lives!!! Subsequently, we took a marriage class called Dynamic Marriage, which is based on this book and is what I would call psychoeducation. Our marriage has more zest, spice and depth than ever.....and look what blogs I peruse. ;)

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