Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Single Parenting...It Isn't Easy

 Being the single parent was never easy, so I'm not going to tell you that it is, or was. There are probably a half dozen reasons why you are a 'single mom.' If you are bitter because you are a single mom, think about what is so great about being a single mom. My first though is to take all of those unwanted variables out of the picture and start taking 100% responsibility for everything. You are where you are for better or for worse, because of decisions that 'you' made. My advice, although not at all professional; Take charge and own up to all of your responsibilities. Only then will you realize that you call all the shots and you decide what is going to happen next in your life. You are in control of your destiny and the future is all up to YOU!

Having a support system you can count on is absolutely vital, not just to "surviving" single parenthood, but to maintaining your sense of self at the same time. I recommend that single moms and dads develop support in three key areas:
  • Local family and friends
  • Local single parents
  • Online single parents
Learn how to say "NO!"

You are the role model, so stand firm and don't back down. There are a lot of things you need to say "No" to in your life: Your kids' tendency to manipulate you into giving in, the guilt that's been weighing you down since you embarked on this single parenting journey, the expectations of others who have no idea what it's like to walk in your shoes. It's not always easy to say no and set firm boundaries in your life, but it's important to remember that being willing to say "No," when necessary, creates space in your life for the things you really want to say "Yes" to.

Think before you speak, and for God sakes, while in front of your children, put on your happy face even if you are crying underneath.Your attitude is entirely contagious. Not only does it affect your kids' ability to handle every day ups and downs, but it also has the power to impact whether the future for your family is born of hope or despair. One way to change your attitude is to begin blogging or create a diary and use it writing how you feel each day on a regular basis. Once you start writing down the challenges you face every day, you begin to see solutions right there on the pages in front of you.

Learn to live within your means; believe me, this is NOT easy especially if you were married to someone that supported you. I never worked during my marriage. That was a great thing to be allowed that quality time to raise my two children, but a bad thing, very very bad because he had me over a barrel. I didn't know how to be anything other than a mother and wife. Don't make my mistakes, get independent and stay independent. One of the most challenging and powerful habits you can develop as a highly successful single parent is to live within your means. Don't get into the practice of living on credit or relying on the promise of money you may or may not receive. Instead, learn to make wise financial decisions, like choosing a home you can truly afford to maintain, and trimming unnecessary costs out of your budget.

 This final habit of highly successful single parents will help you to further develop a life beyond caring for your kids, as well as open new doors to career advancement and, over time, even grow your income potential. Consider taking classes at a local college, take online courses, or even just taking advantage of the free resources available to you through your local public library to learn about topics that interest and inspire you. As a testimonial to others, I can state that with all that I have been through, the ups, the downs and the in between, you have the opportunity to have it all. Follow your heart and your dreams. No Negative Nancy! Set goals for yourself. Being single is not having the plague, it just means you are in charge of your own destiny, and you can do anything with a positive attitude, Yes it is possible!









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