Lack of communication in my book IS the BEGINNING OF THE END.
That’s really not surprising really...is it? Think about it....you share everything with this person, then one day you just stop talking freely and you start talking to your sister, or friend about issues in your relationship that really are no ones business but yours. It's no ones business to hear your personal woes.There is also a possibility that what you may be telling this person in confidence is being repeated for others to hear. Not nice...not good, and certainly not cool. Don Henley sang it best; Dirty little secrets...Dirty little lies...We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie...We love to cut you down to size....We love dirty laundry. Don't air yours in public. Relationships are like a bicycle...built for 2. You and the other person, not everyone else in timbuktu!
Good communication skills take lot's of practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking. Your body language and actions can speak volumes about what you like and dislike. Facial expressions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse? Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do. If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. What ever you do, don'[t roll your eyes. It's rude, and so ignorant. It is also belittling YOU not the other person involved. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and seek a solution. Stop beating a dead horse and fix it. Solutions usually begin at the bargaining table where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.
Find a good and convenient time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.
Be guarded...when suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like discuss something that hasn
t be talked about in a while. Set a time to talk. Never good to throw something out there and not be able to fully get into the conversation in depth. Make time. This gives both of you time to organize your thoughts. It’s not good to come to the table unprepared wither, so for goodness sakes, gather all of your thoughts. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.
Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. remember this is a two sided conversation and you are not the center of the universe, so if you think that you are, come down off your 'high horse' as my grandmother used to say and be reasonable for heaven sakes! If your spouse is not as good at communicating as you then compensate. Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate. Both opinions are equally important.
No time for distractions when talking...if the radio or TV are going, turn them off...and certainly do not try to have a conversation when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate. That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.
Strive for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue. Never get angry, and don’t give up. Remember, Rome wasn't built over night. Relationship disasters don't just happen. Something made this happen so figure out what to do to fix...or decide if it is worth fixing? When you stop communicating, then you have big problems. As long as you can discuss things, even if they are painful, you are keeping the lines of communication open and that is healthy for a good relationship. Trust me, I know this oh too well.
Remember it's not all about YOU. If your conversation is a more so private topic...where others may be involved... don't shout your dirty laundry from the roof tops... there’s another world besides yours and you must exist in both. Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is apparent, professional help may be needed to assist you. Communication will not solve all of your problems but it’s a good beginning to find to get some resolution. Make the time!
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