Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Safety Measures for Online Dating

In this great land of opportunity, we have such easy access to men and women at the touch of our finger tips. Yes, Online dating. But,...do we know everything about this? If you don't this is a good article to read. Keep in mind that what you read on a profile may or may not be of the truth, so use discretion and keep it safe. Regardless of how wonderful he or she may come across online, they may fool you in person.

For the sake of my research… I signed up to a couple of different websites to see what the fuss was all about. I set up on the popular free website PlentyOfFish.com. There’s different features depending on what site you sign up to, ranging from simple profile/message setup to full personality test and compatibility matching systems. The point of interest though is not all the different ways you can waste your time setting up your profile, it’s the people you come across whilst ‘browsing’. Be careful. There are buttons to block people that you don't want to contact you, such as 'married.' Ladies, if you are single and want a single man, I hate to tell you but a man (not all but many) will lie through their teeth, say whatever you want to hear for the sake of possibly having the opportunity to get in your britches! To these men who ruin if for all the rest of the guys out there I say....WHY? If you are looking for a quick lay, or an easy hook up, there is a dive bar on every corner, why not go there and find Ms Right Now? You would be surprised at the amount of men that wrote me. Word to the wise boys, don't tell a woman that she has a nice ass, or a nice rack, tits, etc. Rude and unexcusable....because chances are you've just been blocked. Next!

I’d say I’ve had my fair share of interest, but that’s not to say the overall system is flawed. There’s a common misconception that internet dating is exclusively used by people who lack the social skills or charisma to meet people in day-to-day life, or simply lack the confidence to approach a member of the opposite sex in person. I don’t think online or internet dating is a bad thing, and I’ve met some amazing people by striking up conversation. I have friends who are in great relationships as a result of online dating. For me, some chats have led further than others and some enjoyable encounters have ensued. But my god… there’s so much about it that’s just downright frustrating that it’s a wonder it leaves anyone with any sanity!

 No one wants a crazy loony stalker on their hands so follow the tips below;


1. Do Not Give Out Personal Information - Whether it’s via email, online chat rooms, message boards, in your personal ad, etc., do not disclose your personal information like your complete name, address, telephone number, work place, etc. And use a third party email address instead of one with your domain or work domain, too, that is easily traceable. For example, instead of using Michele@seniortimes.com , set up an email account like Michele@yahoo.com or Michele@gmail.com (search “free email accounts for places like this). Preferred dating sites offer email forwarding so that members do not see private information like this. So if you are on one that differs or makes you uncomfortable, move along and click elsewhere.

2. Do Not Lie - Be up front about your age and appearance. Better to not be caught in lies later on or lead someone on falsely. No one wants to have that feeling in their stomach of excitement to meet this beautiful person to only wait for that day when they walk through the door and look 40 pounds heavier and nothing like their photos appeared online.

3. Be Tactful and Leary - Do not believe everything you read in posts, in emails: in general online. You could be chatting with a child or someone faking their sexual orientation. The odds are that you will probably encounter someone a tad “undesirable” from time to time, so try to use appropriate replies, using tact, or ignore the encounter, if it suits the situation.

4. Use Caution in Sharing Images - Whenever you think about sharing a digital photo online, keep in mind that it may be possible for thousands to see it on the Internet, not just one person. Plus your photo can be copied, altered with different software out there today and posted elsewhere. If you do use your image, send one that shows you with a warm smile, not a frown.

5. Ask if Unsure - Go slow like the tortoise in the race with the hare and ask questions if you are unsure how to proceed in your contact and communications. Contact the site owner or webmaster (check for contact info when you register), ask trusted friends for helpful resources, check with local authorities. Remember that old adage, “Better safe than sorry!”

6. Be careful if you decide to meet for the first date. Remember there is safety in numbers, so meet in a public place with other friends around.

7. Keep copies of communications in a file so that you can show friends or the law in case your meeting or continued contact takes a bad turn. And do report any problems and cooperate with authorities. They can get information from your computer and communications to aid in tracking down culprits in some cases. Don’t try to take matters into your own hands and stalk the culprit yourself, though. Be safe.
8. Let men instigate online and offline relationships. Men still like to pursue. Online studies show that this has proven safer, too, with Internet dating. Men should make the first email move. And women should not generally reply to men’s ads; let the men pursue. (Sorry guys!)

9. So that you don’t appear anxious or desperate or both, generally wait for a day or 24-hour period before replying. And forget about replying on weekend and holidays, at least at first, and being available via instant messaging. This is especially important for women (double standards are still around and even exist in the Internet dating scene) – you want to “appear” socially active, confident, even if you are just laying around on your couch watching "Life Time" movies.

10. Don’t date someone who is already married to someone else – even if that person says he or she is getting a divorce. Let the divorce happen first. Otherwise things could get ugly. And you may even have to face the spouse / ex-spouse and children down the road. So think of others, too, when even considering someone who is not single.

 If after several emails or letters you decide to talk on the phone, keep the first call short, around 10 minutes. Don't tell them your life story...be private, you don't know them, so don't open up so fast. Plan to have to “rush” off. Your goal is to hear the person’s voice and talk a short while only, not seeming over anxious.Some men do complain that the ladies do not reply. So ladies, reply! At least say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Remember, don't buy it before you try it! Make this person prove their self worth and integrity to you.



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