Relationships......What Ever Will Be, Will Be!

How Does the Future Look for YOU in a Relationship?

If you've ever wanted motivation to work on your semi-serious dating relationship, here's some: Experts say that people who are able to sustain lasting relationships before they marry stay married longer and are more likely to be married for life than those whose pre-marital relationships don't last very long. I guess what I am saying is that by working on current issues that you may have in the relationship, it may smooth your path for a fine future with your partner......

I say it all the time......foundation,......build it from the ground up whether it be in business, or pleasure...be honest and up front, communication is 90% of a relationship and if that fails, you are screwed my friend! Relationships aren't always easy. In the beginning, the level of passion and excitement you feel for the other person drowns out the things that aren't so desirable. You want them realllllllll bad! You are so excited about being around him that you quickly forget about his annoying humming, thumb tapping, or picking crumbs out of the kitchen table cracks. Don't talk politics....never been a good thing to do, and why do it? Unless that political is in bed with you both, he or she matter 0% in your sexual life. Sure we should agree on many things but my grandmother always use to tell me "Shelly, don't talk politics or religion with a partner (business or pleasure partner) unless you want to possibly see fireworks of some sort...there you have a 50/50 shot that they will either side with you or hate your beliefs.

With all relationships, the new eventually wears off and what didn't bother you before becomes a major annoyance or issue. Statistics show change is due to the ever increasing intimacy between the two of you. The more you are around each other, the more the "little things" began bothering you. You are picking, that's what you're doing. Are you trying to sabotage your relationship from the get go? I do...I am guilty as charged!  This isn't all bad. It means that you care. Yes- you care about yourself to "not" want to get hurt. When something on the tube annoys you, you simply turn the channel because you have no commitment or intimacy to the channel or the person annoying you on the screen. But when you have even small levels of commitment and intimacy you have greater potential to become disturbed by some of the other person's actions because they are a major part of your life. I see it this way....you either work to make something good happen or you say Que Sera Sera!

Things to consider and what to expect:

I'm telling you all this so that you can expect annoyances and issues to make your relationship less effortless and natural than it was in its beginning. That's not time to quit. Not only does a human being deserve more from you (and you from another), but you need to "practice" the commitment levels that will be necessary in a marriage. If you end the relationship and break it off at the first sign of conflict you have hurt youself in two ways:

1. You might have married this person if you had weathered the difficult days and come out even closer to each other than before the trouble began.

2. You didn't allow yourself to learn how to function in a relationship that was experiencing difficulty. When you marry, there will be times of difficulty, arguments, hurt feelings, annoying habits and anger. If you canceled a pre-marriage relationship because it wasn't all "smooth sailing," it will be much more difficult on you when you actually marry and experience friction. Life sucks sometimes.....deal with it. Relationships come and they go...if its right you'll know it. DON'T enter into a relationship or a marriage if it feels wrong....if you have the "cold feet" get the hell out now! Listen,  I am no professional advisor but I have been in a marriage that went south years ago and didn't know how to get out. Nothing is worse than that. Trust me, it will only get worse later! Do you want to live a miserable life with someone you thought you loved or would you rather be with the partner of your dreams that truly took the wind out of your sails out and knew how to totally blow your socks off? I don't know about you, but I like bare feet, and I love wind!

Know When to Fold 'Em

Like the Kenny Rogers song...."The Gambler" you got to know when to Hold'em and certainly know when to Fold'em! I'm certainly not saying that any relationship should be forced. A person can only stand so much before enough becomes enough and you want to tear their eyes out! However, I am saying that one of the best indicators of who will make a "good spouse" might be how he or she reacts to conflict in your dating/courtship relationship. If she can't handle a little conflict before marriage, accept that you've been with others and he or she  gets jealous, it will be difficult for her to handle it when you're married, and why would you want to do this? For the status? No thanks!

If anything else, consider conflict as a personal challenge. It's not entirely a reason to call off your relationship, but an opportunity to test your ability to stay committed despite difficult times. Some will handle this better than others. If you notice a constant pattern of conflict, and it doesn't seem to be changing.....it might help you decide against continuing your relationship. The bottom line is, don't give up at the first sign of conflict so that you'll have some experience when it happens in future relationships and so that you don't ditch "Mr. (or Mrs.) Right" because you had a few wrong days. I know all about this, story of my life.....then again, perhaps it was destiny stepping in and telling me that these men were not the ones for me and that my Mr Wonderful was around the corner...the man who was so much like me, liked that same things, laughs at the same stuff and is simple, just as I am....(well almost,...he buys his sunglasses at the dollar store and I buy mine at Jimmy Choo, Neiman Marcus or Sax Fifth Avenue. Regardless of your common interests or your difference, If it is meant to be,..it will be!

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