Here's the naked truth...Relationships certainly are not easy...but then again, no one ever said that they were. I think that some people jump in head first thinking of all the fabulous things that will occur without seeing the BIG picture...and Yes ladies, there IS a bigger picture. What kind of men do you seek out, and dream of being around? What type of man do you want in your life, and if you find him, how on earth will you keep him there? Let me tell you something,..,men do what men want to do, thus being why still so many of the male population is single. They either are not ready to commit or they are mama's boys, and if they are mama's boys, you don't want them! Trust me!
Mingle with men. Get to know several and for goodness sakes...NEVER put all of your eggs in one basket. They sure as shit don't, so don't you do it either! Take time getting to know a man, or men. You need not date just one. When the one that is right for you steps into the picture, you'll know it, but even then be cautious. Never settle..and never fall into the trap of deceit. YOU call the shots!
Tip # 1 - Don't Call Him First
In other words, don't make yourself so emotionally available right away. While it's unhealthy to play games with men, it's human nature that when someone is too available in your face, your desire for them starts to diminish, because they are not a challenge. Although, there's nothing wrong with calling men when you feel like it, being too available to a man can decrease your chances of having a successful relationship. For instance, if you just had a great date with a man, wait for him to call you first, no matter how bubbling over with excitement you are. You can show or tell him your positive feelings for him when he's initiated the contact. Often a man has to experience your absence in order for him to fantasize about and desire you. If you're too available, he doesn't get an opportunity to miss you and yearn for you.
Tip # 2 - Don't be so compliant!
When you're dating a man don't be such a pushover! That's right....don't!
If you're too compliant think about why you're so anxious to please him. Are you afraid he'll reject you if you don't do whatever he wants? Do some soul searching and try to find out what's at the core of your deep need to please. Here are some other tips to help you overcome your pushover tendencies:
How's that saying go, 'fool me once shame on me'...fool me twice or a dozen times and sister you need to grow some confidence because it appears that you may be lacking some. You'll learn more about making smart choices in men in later chapters , but for now you need to know that if you keep choosing men who are inappropriate and don't have the capacity for a relationship, you're definitely Sabotaging your success for healthy relationships.
Tip # 4 - Stop Blaming It On Yourself
When a man rejects you whether you've gone on just one date or had a relationship stop thinking it's because of something you did. Take a step back and realize its not all about you. Some women will literally cling to their image of "what a loser" they are, refusing to look at other reasons for a relationship not lasting, blaming the man's lack of interest on their hair, body, weight, job, face, personality. They focus on their own self hatred rather than the men's ambivalent behavior.
So going forward, part of your work is to look at the whole picture-including the man and his issues-and not just at yourself. You'll feel a whole lot better after you try this!
Tip # 5 - Stop Being So Darn Naive!
Sometimes women will know a man is "bad news" but rather be in denial or believe that he is going to miraculously change. They don't want to see or accept what's right in front of their eyes.
For instance, the man you're dating only sees you during the week, and not on the weekends. Or he doesn't give you his home phone number or address. This could indicate that there is another woman in his life-or it might mean that he's married. Be sharp girls. Pay attention to these things... If you ignore your gut and don't deal with the truth now you'll just have to deal with it later. Then it might be too late because you'll be attached, more vulnerable and possibly in love. Wise up sisters...don't let a man lead you down the wrong path. Chances are you certainly do deserve much better. You don't want a user or a loser. You want a real man, with feelings and a sense of humor, a job and integrity.
So about the naked truth...don't just expect it, demand it. Don't kiss their ass, make them kiss yours. If you cannot meet in the middle and he is keeping you in the dark about his life in general, and whereabouts, chances are you need to start looking to fill another basket with your eggs because as my grandmother used to say; "Something is rotten in Denmark!" Never settle for less than you deserve. Expect others to rise up to your standards.
Mingle with men. Get to know several and for goodness sakes...NEVER put all of your eggs in one basket. They sure as shit don't, so don't you do it either! Take time getting to know a man, or men. You need not date just one. When the one that is right for you steps into the picture, you'll know it, but even then be cautious. Never settle..and never fall into the trap of deceit. YOU call the shots!
Tip # 1 - Don't Call Him First
In other words, don't make yourself so emotionally available right away. While it's unhealthy to play games with men, it's human nature that when someone is too available in your face, your desire for them starts to diminish, because they are not a challenge. Although, there's nothing wrong with calling men when you feel like it, being too available to a man can decrease your chances of having a successful relationship. For instance, if you just had a great date with a man, wait for him to call you first, no matter how bubbling over with excitement you are. You can show or tell him your positive feelings for him when he's initiated the contact. Often a man has to experience your absence in order for him to fantasize about and desire you. If you're too available, he doesn't get an opportunity to miss you and yearn for you.
Tip # 2 - Don't be so compliant!
When you're dating a man don't be such a pushover! That's right....don't!
If you're too compliant think about why you're so anxious to please him. Are you afraid he'll reject you if you don't do whatever he wants? Do some soul searching and try to find out what's at the core of your deep need to please. Here are some other tips to help you overcome your pushover tendencies:
- Have boundaries and limits. If he asks you to do anything you don't want to do, just say "no" - that's setting a boundary
- If you set a limit and you get rejected, it means your man can't accept boundaries. So it's good that he's gone. Let him go - you deserve someone who respects your limits
- Be assertive and express your needs and desires.
- Be edgy. Being a little on the unpredictable side can be very exciting to a man.
How's that saying go, 'fool me once shame on me'...fool me twice or a dozen times and sister you need to grow some confidence because it appears that you may be lacking some. You'll learn more about making smart choices in men in later chapters , but for now you need to know that if you keep choosing men who are inappropriate and don't have the capacity for a relationship, you're definitely Sabotaging your success for healthy relationships.
Tip # 4 - Stop Blaming It On Yourself
When a man rejects you whether you've gone on just one date or had a relationship stop thinking it's because of something you did. Take a step back and realize its not all about you. Some women will literally cling to their image of "what a loser" they are, refusing to look at other reasons for a relationship not lasting, blaming the man's lack of interest on their hair, body, weight, job, face, personality. They focus on their own self hatred rather than the men's ambivalent behavior.
So going forward, part of your work is to look at the whole picture-including the man and his issues-and not just at yourself. You'll feel a whole lot better after you try this!
Tip # 5 - Stop Being So Darn Naive!
Sometimes women will know a man is "bad news" but rather be in denial or believe that he is going to miraculously change. They don't want to see or accept what's right in front of their eyes.
For instance, the man you're dating only sees you during the week, and not on the weekends. Or he doesn't give you his home phone number or address. This could indicate that there is another woman in his life-or it might mean that he's married. Be sharp girls. Pay attention to these things... If you ignore your gut and don't deal with the truth now you'll just have to deal with it later. Then it might be too late because you'll be attached, more vulnerable and possibly in love. Wise up sisters...don't let a man lead you down the wrong path. Chances are you certainly do deserve much better. You don't want a user or a loser. You want a real man, with feelings and a sense of humor, a job and integrity.
So about the naked truth...don't just expect it, demand it. Don't kiss their ass, make them kiss yours. If you cannot meet in the middle and he is keeping you in the dark about his life in general, and whereabouts, chances are you need to start looking to fill another basket with your eggs because as my grandmother used to say; "Something is rotten in Denmark!" Never settle for less than you deserve. Expect others to rise up to your standards.
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| www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com |
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