7 Do's and Don'ts for a Healthier Relationship

 Do you know how to build a healthy relationship? Each of us enters into romantic relationships with ideas about what we want based on family relationships, what we've seen in the media, and our own past relationship experiences. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and to eventually fail. Don't confuse sex with love. Don't confuse lust with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love. Respect, respect, respect. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

• Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. I cannot stress this enough. My grandmother used to say "Any one can have a relationship built on sex, but a great relationship should be established and built with a solid foundation to grow and strengthen." Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say "thank you" to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made.
• Explore. Explore each other's interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests.
• Establish. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions.
• TRUST…this is the primary part of the relationship. Without it you have nothing and if she doesn't trust you, you've got nothing. No sexting, no texting and no meeting other women, not even for coffee. If you are in a committed relationship, honor it. End of discussion. Period.

Keep the Communication Open!

Don’t let life separate you too long. With technology today, you can stay in touch with cell phones and email. No need to overdo it and be obsessive and controlling, but do stay in touch off and on throughout the day with quick “Hellos” and “How are things going?”

Lemonade

Make lemonade out of those relationship lemons. And “yes” there will be some, since life is not perfect! For example, when your partner is late and you miss a movie date or restaurant reservation, don’t make it a night of terror and destroy what’s left when you finally do get together. Do something else instead, like relax at home with a video and scented candles, and order subs (and lemonade!)

Make her HAPPY!

Remember how your felt when you first got together? Do those little things that you did at the beginning and make the 'honey list!' Bring home fresh flowers, send her a text that you miss her or love her, relax together and watch what she likes to watch on television not just golf! Dance with your mate, compliment your mate, make dates to go to places you used to frequent (the old neighborhood pizza parlor, a local drive in and share the stories with her as to why these places have meaning to you.)

Nuts and Bolts

Don’t focus so much on the “nuts and bolts” of who said what, when, how often and why they were wrong…. In other words, sometimes during an argument, try losing your memory of who did what, when and how many times in the past. Instead, humble yourself, apologize for having messed up and hug your mate! No time for fighting, enjoy and savor the moment.

Open

Open windows when doors close. If you feel you’ve been pushed to the limit and don’t want to try one more time, close the door on that angle of the issue. Take a walk, get some ice cream and cool off (literally). Think before you speak. My grandmother taught me this one and it works! Once you say something you regret, its far too late to take it back with that dreaded.."I'm sorry bullshit" Return relaxed and refreshed, and open a window to air differences.

Parental Issues

Even the best of relationships deal with someone’s past parental issues from time to time. Seeking advice from a professional can help, yes, but something out of the blue can still trigger a parental issue that someone struggles to deal with regardless of age, it seems. In these cases, just realizing and stating that it’s normal, may never get resolved and is okay to move on, can work wonders – for both parties. 

Quality vs Quantity

With hectic schedules, quality time is vitally important. I've always said 'quality supersedes quantity.' If you can only see him twice a week and not 5 days...so what? Enjoy the moments that you do have and appreciate the value. Its not how often you see the other person that really matters its the events that led up to that special time that you did have together that should count! So even if you can only meet a few times, make and keep that date. You’ll probably be especially glad you did when times get tough and have the wonderful memories to help get you by.

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