Shopping for clothes isn't easy so why on earth would we think that shopping for a man would be? Have you ever tried really hard to meet the 'right man' and all you ended up with was the wrong one? A little over 13 years ago I walked away from a marriage with two kids, a pocketful of memories and my dignity. That was enough for me. I wanted my kids to know that love was not about drinking, or fighting, rather passion, romance, love and kindness. Forgiveness and learning from one another to grow and create a better bond regardless of the length of time committed in a relationship was what I discovered to be the success of staying together. Unfortunately, I learned a little too late.
Self-esteem plays a big role in healthy relationships. Sometimes when we walk away from something good that turned sour over a period of time causes us to lose confidence. I have experienced this in my own life. It took time for me understand who I was and what it truly was that I needed when I started over. I had to rebuild my own life before I could try to find a mate to make a good life with.Yes, I have had failed relationships, sure I have...and I have also had so many that never actually got of the ground...and like you, I asked myself why, why why?
My question was quite simple- What is the reason that I seem to end up picking the wrong person so many times? Well, after years of doing this I realized that I was not ready to find the man for me. My grandmother who was also my best friend always told me that it was all about timing, and paths crossing at the right time. My dates never lasted long. They either did not understand what it was like to be a single mother and raise kids, or they didn't have kids themselves or they didn't like kids...and that was the end of the beginning because I always said that if you liked me you had to like and accept my children because we were a package deal. This was the reason that I had to walk away, and I had every right to do so.
I was like the runaway bride. I found fault with each and every man I dated, enough so to walk away from the beginning of an ending relationship that never really had the opportunity to get off the ground. My daughter told me once that I looked for ways to sabotage relationships and you know what? She was right! That was exactly what I had been doing all these years. It wasn't until a short time ago that I realized it was time to stop. It was time to focus on finding that one man that understood me, and accepted me for me. Where on earth would I find him?
So how do you recognize the right guy? The first step is to articulate what you want and need. That list is different for everyone. But the second list is universal. And that’s a clear understanding of the qualities of a healthy relationship. I look at good men and what they do for a living....NO not because of what they make, rather how they work under pressure and how hard the work for what they want. I love a man who is an overachiever, much like my own personality, so it is not at all uncommon for me to want the same in a man with the goals and love for life that I have. Enjoy your time with a man who is interested in you, the good and the bad...that means the perfections as well as the flaws.
Don't waste your time on a guy who doesn't make the effort. Yes, I believe in women being able to ask a guy out, flirt with them, etc. You can start it, but if he doesn't seem like he wants to finish the race, give it up and move on to the next contestant. We seem to invest our feelings way too soon, they we get hurt when a guy doesn't respond the way you want them too. If someone asks you out and you have a great time, but they don't make the effort to arrange for a second date within a reasonable period of time, assume that they are not that interested. Find a man who stands out, one who makes the time for you, and allows you to enter into his world. Most men that truly do care will share with you their feelings and chain of events that led up to where they are today and why they are in the dating scene. Look for a happy, clever, positive man with a zest for life, respect for himself and especially one who shows respect for YOU!
Here's how I look at it; A good businessman knows how to go close the deal. Ask any guy, if they truly want something, is there anything that would prevent them from obtaining it? Would they just give up if it seemed to hard, no because they love a challenge. How about the guy who is really nice, but not your type who is always trying to get your number. He's determined. His goal is to get your number and take you out. And he will keep trying unless you tell him that your just not interested. As long as he thinks he has a chance, he will keep trying. This is what I mean by saying that if they want something, they will do whatever it takes to get it. The same is true with dating and relationships. If a guy is truly interested in you, he will make the effort to get a date with you. Like shopping for clothing, we often have to try on a few new outfits before we find the one that fits just right.
How to tell you are with the right man;
1. You bring out the best in each other, not the worst. You encourage each other to grow personally, professionally and emotionally, recognizing that change is positive and healthy.
2. You trust each other and can count on one another to do the right thing. There’s no jealousy or second-guessing in the relationship.
3. You have fun together. Playfulness adds spice, and laughter is an aphrodisiac.
4. You share common core beliefs and values. Connecting on an emotional and spiritual level can be just as powerful as a physical connection.
5. You communicate with each other out of care and concern instead of judgment and criticism. Think about it this way: What’s your tone of voice like when you’re critical and judgmental? It’s hard to have a harsh tone when you speak out of care and concern? It should be a happy tone, caring and compassionate. You should be able to tell him/her anything. Communication is KEY and without it, your foundation will sink, leaving you with no relationship, only your legs stuck in quick sand.
My non-professional advice? Embrace life. Good things come to those who wait.
Self-esteem plays a big role in healthy relationships. Sometimes when we walk away from something good that turned sour over a period of time causes us to lose confidence. I have experienced this in my own life. It took time for me understand who I was and what it truly was that I needed when I started over. I had to rebuild my own life before I could try to find a mate to make a good life with.Yes, I have had failed relationships, sure I have...and I have also had so many that never actually got of the ground...and like you, I asked myself why, why why?
My question was quite simple- What is the reason that I seem to end up picking the wrong person so many times? Well, after years of doing this I realized that I was not ready to find the man for me. My grandmother who was also my best friend always told me that it was all about timing, and paths crossing at the right time. My dates never lasted long. They either did not understand what it was like to be a single mother and raise kids, or they didn't have kids themselves or they didn't like kids...and that was the end of the beginning because I always said that if you liked me you had to like and accept my children because we were a package deal. This was the reason that I had to walk away, and I had every right to do so.
I was like the runaway bride. I found fault with each and every man I dated, enough so to walk away from the beginning of an ending relationship that never really had the opportunity to get off the ground. My daughter told me once that I looked for ways to sabotage relationships and you know what? She was right! That was exactly what I had been doing all these years. It wasn't until a short time ago that I realized it was time to stop. It was time to focus on finding that one man that understood me, and accepted me for me. Where on earth would I find him?
So how do you recognize the right guy? The first step is to articulate what you want and need. That list is different for everyone. But the second list is universal. And that’s a clear understanding of the qualities of a healthy relationship. I look at good men and what they do for a living....NO not because of what they make, rather how they work under pressure and how hard the work for what they want. I love a man who is an overachiever, much like my own personality, so it is not at all uncommon for me to want the same in a man with the goals and love for life that I have. Enjoy your time with a man who is interested in you, the good and the bad...that means the perfections as well as the flaws.
Don't waste your time on a guy who doesn't make the effort. Yes, I believe in women being able to ask a guy out, flirt with them, etc. You can start it, but if he doesn't seem like he wants to finish the race, give it up and move on to the next contestant. We seem to invest our feelings way too soon, they we get hurt when a guy doesn't respond the way you want them too. If someone asks you out and you have a great time, but they don't make the effort to arrange for a second date within a reasonable period of time, assume that they are not that interested. Find a man who stands out, one who makes the time for you, and allows you to enter into his world. Most men that truly do care will share with you their feelings and chain of events that led up to where they are today and why they are in the dating scene. Look for a happy, clever, positive man with a zest for life, respect for himself and especially one who shows respect for YOU!
Here's how I look at it; A good businessman knows how to go close the deal. Ask any guy, if they truly want something, is there anything that would prevent them from obtaining it? Would they just give up if it seemed to hard, no because they love a challenge. How about the guy who is really nice, but not your type who is always trying to get your number. He's determined. His goal is to get your number and take you out. And he will keep trying unless you tell him that your just not interested. As long as he thinks he has a chance, he will keep trying. This is what I mean by saying that if they want something, they will do whatever it takes to get it. The same is true with dating and relationships. If a guy is truly interested in you, he will make the effort to get a date with you. Like shopping for clothing, we often have to try on a few new outfits before we find the one that fits just right.
How to tell you are with the right man;
1. You bring out the best in each other, not the worst. You encourage each other to grow personally, professionally and emotionally, recognizing that change is positive and healthy.
2. You trust each other and can count on one another to do the right thing. There’s no jealousy or second-guessing in the relationship.
3. You have fun together. Playfulness adds spice, and laughter is an aphrodisiac.
4. You share common core beliefs and values. Connecting on an emotional and spiritual level can be just as powerful as a physical connection.
5. You communicate with each other out of care and concern instead of judgment and criticism. Think about it this way: What’s your tone of voice like when you’re critical and judgmental? It’s hard to have a harsh tone when you speak out of care and concern? It should be a happy tone, caring and compassionate. You should be able to tell him/her anything. Communication is KEY and without it, your foundation will sink, leaving you with no relationship, only your legs stuck in quick sand.
My non-professional advice? Embrace life. Good things come to those who wait.
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