We go through stages of our lives where we are with someone, then without for a variety of reasons; we break-up, split-up, get dumped, do the dumping, file for divorce, or worse, lose a loved one to illness, a tragic accident, etc. Starting over is never easy, in fact it is far more difficult than most might think. There are so many hurdles. Dating in your 40s and even in your 50s and 60s is nothing that we remember when we dated back in our teenage and high school or college days. Getting back on that horse as they call it would be a lot easier if people didn't feel the need to have to lie about themselves or their lives. Part of what makes dating so difficult is the need to elaborate the truth about yourself, your job, your income, and the life you live...so what do people do? What happened to good old fashion honesty?
Let's start with the ladies; Women demand honesty and respect and I don't think (and I'm not speaking for all women here, but I don't think that we ask for all that much really?...) If you say you'll call, then call. If you don't think you can see her all week until the weekend then don't say I'll come over your house tonight for dinner. DON'T tell a woman what YOU THINK she wants to hear. Forget the sad excuses, and if you think that by ignoring her that she will forget, you are so wrong. We women don't forget. Don't tell her you are interested if you have other women on the back burner, and don't act interested if you are not. There is a little thing calling being up front with her. Just say; I want to date others, or I don't want a serious relationship, or show that you are totally into her, tell her what she wants to hear and then just drop off the planet. This is only appeasing YOU fellas and that is bad. This also sets the tone for women that you couldn't tell the truth if you had to.
Now...I am not at all saying that it is just men that act as such. Women are certainly not above telling "white lies," or even bald-faced ones, if it serves their purposes ("size doesn't matter," "we can still be friends," "work has me too busy to date"), while at the same time demanding total honesty from men.
Someone told me recently that women force men to lie. What the hell does that mean? Some men that I spoke with stated that the majority of women out there won't even bother to have a conversation with a man unless he has the right job, owns a house in a geographically-desirable area, and earns a large salary. If this is true and you are one of those women...SHAME ON YOU! There is much more to a man than his worth and most men that I know that have money do not go around flaunting what they make, have or brag up all the rich friends that they have. What ever happened to just being yourself and allowing the woman to decide if she likes you for YOU? Researchers have found that women tend to lie to spare someone's feelings or to avoid conflict. Men tend to lie to make themselves seem more impressive, or to get something – that something usually being sex. Does that make it right? NO!
A man on the other hand will be constrained to submerge his true personality and adjust his opinions in the hope of getting a little sex or in some cases, and you know who you are...a lot of sex. This show common grounds of disrespect to say the very least. Instead of allowing men to express themselves openly and honestly, most women force men to be "politically correct," sometimes even at the threat of losing their jobs or if their finances are not up to par. Some men,... not all men, lie to make themselves seem more impressive when approaching women. They see the dating game as a competition and think they have to outdo their competition. Some men will take it to the next level and go on to lie about wanting a lasting, intimate relationship. They assume women want this, and that only by hinting at a relationship can they get love, sex, and companionship. Then they find themselves trapped in a relationship they didn't want, pretending to be someone they're not. So they lie to get space from their partner. Or they lie and cheat on that partner. And finally, they lie to escape. You'll find this often on dating sites. My question is simple? Why lie? Why not just be yourself? If being yourself is not good enough for someone else, they don't deserve your true worth.
We all hit bumps in the road but those bump should open our eyes to a true reality and teach us that if we want to find the 'right' person that will give us the love and respect that we deserve should consider the other persons feelings and not just theirs. Life is all about bumps in the road but nothing troubles me more than dishonest people in the dating world. I read an article in a men's magazine recently that stated; telling a few lies can be one of the best ways to keep your relationship healthy. I soooo totally disagree. Relationships start with friendship and friendships are built on a solid foundation of trust. Without trust your foundation will sink like quick sand. It will not survive. Relationships built on lies MAY hold up for a while, but like with any other lies, eventually they catch up to you.
How Can I Tell He/She is Lying to Me?
Let's start with the ladies; Women demand honesty and respect and I don't think (and I'm not speaking for all women here, but I don't think that we ask for all that much really?...) If you say you'll call, then call. If you don't think you can see her all week until the weekend then don't say I'll come over your house tonight for dinner. DON'T tell a woman what YOU THINK she wants to hear. Forget the sad excuses, and if you think that by ignoring her that she will forget, you are so wrong. We women don't forget. Don't tell her you are interested if you have other women on the back burner, and don't act interested if you are not. There is a little thing calling being up front with her. Just say; I want to date others, or I don't want a serious relationship, or show that you are totally into her, tell her what she wants to hear and then just drop off the planet. This is only appeasing YOU fellas and that is bad. This also sets the tone for women that you couldn't tell the truth if you had to.
Now...I am not at all saying that it is just men that act as such. Women are certainly not above telling "white lies," or even bald-faced ones, if it serves their purposes ("size doesn't matter," "we can still be friends," "work has me too busy to date"), while at the same time demanding total honesty from men.
Someone told me recently that women force men to lie. What the hell does that mean? Some men that I spoke with stated that the majority of women out there won't even bother to have a conversation with a man unless he has the right job, owns a house in a geographically-desirable area, and earns a large salary. If this is true and you are one of those women...SHAME ON YOU! There is much more to a man than his worth and most men that I know that have money do not go around flaunting what they make, have or brag up all the rich friends that they have. What ever happened to just being yourself and allowing the woman to decide if she likes you for YOU? Researchers have found that women tend to lie to spare someone's feelings or to avoid conflict. Men tend to lie to make themselves seem more impressive, or to get something – that something usually being sex. Does that make it right? NO!
A man on the other hand will be constrained to submerge his true personality and adjust his opinions in the hope of getting a little sex or in some cases, and you know who you are...a lot of sex. This show common grounds of disrespect to say the very least. Instead of allowing men to express themselves openly and honestly, most women force men to be "politically correct," sometimes even at the threat of losing their jobs or if their finances are not up to par. Some men,... not all men, lie to make themselves seem more impressive when approaching women. They see the dating game as a competition and think they have to outdo their competition. Some men will take it to the next level and go on to lie about wanting a lasting, intimate relationship. They assume women want this, and that only by hinting at a relationship can they get love, sex, and companionship. Then they find themselves trapped in a relationship they didn't want, pretending to be someone they're not. So they lie to get space from their partner. Or they lie and cheat on that partner. And finally, they lie to escape. You'll find this often on dating sites. My question is simple? Why lie? Why not just be yourself? If being yourself is not good enough for someone else, they don't deserve your true worth.
We all hit bumps in the road but those bump should open our eyes to a true reality and teach us that if we want to find the 'right' person that will give us the love and respect that we deserve should consider the other persons feelings and not just theirs. Life is all about bumps in the road but nothing troubles me more than dishonest people in the dating world. I read an article in a men's magazine recently that stated; telling a few lies can be one of the best ways to keep your relationship healthy. I soooo totally disagree. Relationships start with friendship and friendships are built on a solid foundation of trust. Without trust your foundation will sink like quick sand. It will not survive. Relationships built on lies MAY hold up for a while, but like with any other lies, eventually they catch up to you.
Lying So Not Cool....
So should you always be honest with your mate? The truth is, if you want to keep your relationship healthy, YES. Sometimes you don't want to bare it all or share something very personal so you think that a little creative sugarcoating with fix it right up. WRONG. Don't lie, there is no reason to. Just be honest...even if it mean hurting the other persons feeling now, it's better to hear the truth than question himself or herself down the road as to what they possibly did to deserve this?How Can I Tell He/She is Lying to Me?
- Eye contact: When he won't meet your eye when he/she tells you something, your inner alarm should start ringing.
- Body language: Blushing, sweating, scratching a maddening itch, and NO DIRECT EYE CONTACT- such responses can be a reflection of his/her body's reaction to covering up the truth.
- Credibility: Try to see if his words sound plausible. Some people, in the panic of being forced to lie, can blurt out the most absurd story that is just impossible to believe.
- Repetition: If the man/woman repeats the question you ask them, they are generally buying more time to formulate the lie. My questions is WHY? isn't it so hard to lie over and over and over again?
- Gut instinct: You have a powerful secret weapon left: listen to your instincts. I do. You will sometimes experience a strong feeling that something's not right. The biggest mistake you can ever make in such a situation is to ignore this gut feeling. Wise up! Don't ignore this! If something doesn't feel right, follow your gut. If you feel that the line of communication have hit a wall, it's time to shit or get off the pot. No one wants to date a liar.
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