Keeping The Sizzle In Your Relationship

Ask any man what happens most when they enter into a relationship with someone how they feel and they will tell you that they are with the hottest woman on the planet who seduces him ever chance she gets. He'll tell you that she is enticing and erotic. He'll say she has moves that rock his world. He'll tell you that he has a great love life and sex life. Men have a yearning for intimacy. They crave attention both mentally and physically. What I am hearing from a lot of men is that after they move in together or marry that it all goes from sizzle to fizzle. Why you ask? I'm not sure really...some women feel that they have to keep up a sensual portrayal in the relationship.

Some women do it in fear that they will lose their man if the sex diminishes over weeks, or months, or years. Ladies, if this is the case, you're out of your league and you went into a relationship with a lot of false expectations of what a real true relationship is. Sex is not the answer. YES it is fabulous, but there is much much more to a good relationship than just sex. That's the easy part. If this is what you've built your relationship on my friend, you are setting your relationship up for failure. Whether your relationship is new or you've been in it for 20 years, you have to keep it fresh and enjoy every day together.

Relationships are like a well blended recipe. You need the finest of ingredients to make the dish taste delicious. The same holds true with a good relationship. You need a friendship base mixed with a solid foundation first. You need to set boundaries. You need to communicate and most definitely know that you can trust this person. Without communication and trust you're relationship will sink like quicksand. My suggestion is to build a foundation with this person. Lay some ground rules and give one another the space necessary to not feel overwhelmed by a new relationship. Keep your friends, stay active and allow your mate to do the same.

Being in a relationship does not mean being attached to the hip with the person. It means that you have found someone that you like, or love and are fond of and want to develop more with them. Relationships don't happen over night. They take weeks, or even months to build. So many times I hear people say that they were all 'hot and heavy' at the beginning when they first started dating and after several months that went out the window. Teasing and pleasing are what keep a relationship alive.

I'm not a professional here BUT when you start off in any new relationship and give a man what he wants all the time at the drop of a hat, he tends to learn to expect it. Oh yeah sure sex in the middle of the night is erotic but what happens when you are together all the time and you have to cram for an exam, or wake up early for a conference call and you need your beauty sleep? He is not going to want to hear "baby no, I'm tired....not now!" Sex is a beautiful thing and being sensual with your partner is an intimacy that you share in and out of the bedroom. Sex isn't just something you do at night or in the bedroom for that matter. Try new things...and try them in new places. The kitchen, the billiard room or the laundry room? The bedroom isn't the only place to make whoopee!

I believe that in all relationships there is what I call 'give and take.' You give a little, he gives a little. You give a lot, he gives a lot. You have to learn what one another needs. You have to understand when you can lay it on thick and when you need to back off and give your partner space. No one wants to be suffocated in a relationship. You have to have much respect and trust for this person. You have to openly communicate with them and talk about your needs.

What mot couples tend to lack later in relationships is fun. The sizzle goes to fizzle because they laid it on thick at the beginning and now they seem boring perhaps? Not true...ask any red blooded man what he likes and he'll tell you foreplay. Ladies foreplay isn't a chore...it's a fun way of making your partner feel desired. Shop together online at SimplyDeliciousLingerie.com or SimplyLusciousLingerie.com for sexy intimate apparel that will crank it up a notch in the bedroom and every room. Role play in the bedroom. Step outside of your comfort zone every now and then. Try new things, but never make your partner feel that if you don't do something he'll be angry. Relationships are 50/50. It's a two way street my friend. Making it work is not easy, but my grandmother used to tell me that anything worth having is worth working for. The real deal is truly worth the wait and the effort.


Foreplay is something that you can do all day....Make your man feel the hunger. Give him something to crave. You need to slowly seduce him. Have fun, enjoy your relationship and build it day by day. Rome wasn't built over night, and neither are relationships. Chemistry is key and when you've got it, that's your main ingredient. Give him a sample of what is in store for him tonight when he arrives home. Make him thirsty for you. Believe me, making a man sit and think all day about what his lover is cooking up at home will be all that he has on his mind...and I'm not talking about dinner! Keeping the relationship alive and fun shouldn't take a lot of hard work. It takes knowing your partner well enough to keep the romance alive and with this the love will continue to grow. When you have this, your relationship will most definitely sizzle and in more ways than just bedroom fun.

Are You Crazy... or Just Falling in L-O-V-E?

L-O-V-E... is probably one of the most powerful words in the English language. These four letters are a whole lot more than just telling someone you love them. What about showing them? Often, it can be a constant struggle resulting in endless efforts to show your mate that you truly mean it by your actions. My grandmother used to always say that actions speak louder than words, and I believe that to be true, nonetheless, those three powerful words are the words that every man/woman longs to hear. When you start dating someone, you never really know where it is heading? It could go well, or it could turn out as a big disaster. 

Chemistry is key, but communication is imperative. Before you find love there is friendship. The two after time go hand in hand. Some might ask themselves..."Am I crazy or just falling in love?" You my friend are the only one that truly has the answer to that question. Please do not misconstrue what I say from what I mean as my intentions are not to make anyone angry. You can be quite happy with someone in a relationship and just date them. You do not have to ever feel pressured to say the words "I love you." If there is pressure, there is possession, (your first red flag) and you my friend better run for your life now before it's too late. 

Word of Advice; Don't tell someone that you love them one minute then do something hurtful and selfish the next like sleeping with their friend, revisiting a dating site ‘just because’ someone may have shown some interest in you, or ignore their calls. The list of “no-nos” is forever endless. Women take things so personal where as most men don’t even think that they are doing anything wrong. Really? Guys you better shape up or that woman that you’re telling you love will hit the road and by the time you figure out what it was that you did wrong she’ll be long gone and you my friend will be like the song goes “Dust in The Wind!”

You don't tell someone you love him or her and never make an effort to show them. There are countless ways that these simple words can express your feelings such as cuddling with them or holding their hand and reassuring them you will always be there for them no matter what. Drawing them a hot bath at night with a glass of wine to end the day, tucking them into bed and ‘not’ expecting to have sex because you know that they’ve had a rough day, cooking them dinner, planning a weekend getaway, or just smiling at them with that look in your eye that you get when you are with her/him that makes you go absolutely crazy!

Love is something rare. Love is something that if you are lucky enough to experience once in your lifetime you should be most grateful. Twice, or more is simply like seeing a shooting star. So many people say that they love their partner but do they really know the true meaning and how much emphasis goes along with it? No, saying that you love someone doesn’t mean its followed by a marriage proposal, it simply means that you’ve met your match and he/she is all that you can think about, want, or need. It means wanting to spend your time getting to know them more. It means opening your heart to new things and letting your guard down. 

There is a certain sense of reassurance that also goes along with love. To love one must first trust. Without trust, there is no love nor should there even be a relationship for that matter. No woman or man wants to go around second guessing what their partner/mate/lover is or is not doing and with whom. Love is about maturity and communication. My grandmother used to say that  to love is like making the perfect casserole. You need all of the right ingredients. Without even just one of them the dish won’t be the same and it certainly won’t have the appeal, desire or taste. Love and communication go hand in hand. One must build a relationship on a solid foundation. If the foundation is not solid, and if you or your mate lies, cheats, and or is deceptive in the relationship in any way, you’ll sink like quick sand. It’s not to late to rebuild that foundation if you’re beginning to sink now…Love is about fault, and mistakes and learning to accept that person for the good and bad. Love is about understanding why one does the things that he or she does. When two people love one another, there is nothing that can or will get in their way.

If you are middle aged like myself and you keep trying to meet the right man and time after time you are let down, then he is not the one for you. Many men and women have commitment phobias. My non-professional advice? Shit or get off the pot my friend. It’s real simple. Don’t say that you love someone if you cannot back that ass up. Words such as ‘I love you’  are so easy to say but so difficult to take back, so if you aren’t sure, don’t be a schmuck and say that you do. You never want to give someone false hope. That’s mean and so wrong on so many levels. 

COMMUNICATION is KEY in RELATIONSHIPS

Lack of communication in my book IS the BEGINNING OF THE END.

 That’s really not surprising really...is it? Think about it....you share everything with this person, then one day you just stop talking freely and you start talking to your sister, or friend about issues in your relationship that really are no ones business but yours. It's no ones business to hear your personal woes.There is also a possibility that what you may be telling this person in confidence is being repeated for others to hear. Not nice...not good, and certainly not cool. Don Henley sang it best; Dirty little secrets...Dirty little lies...We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie...We love to cut you down to size....We love dirty laundry. Don't air yours in public. Relationships are like a bicycle...built for 2. You and the other person, not everyone else in timbuktu!

Good communication skills take lot's of practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking. Your body language and actions can speak volumes about what you like and dislike. Facial expressions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse? Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do. If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. What ever you do, don'[t roll your eyes. It's rude, and so ignorant. It is also belittling YOU not the other person involved. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and seek a solution. Stop beating a dead horse and fix it. Solutions usually begin at the bargaining table where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a good and convenient time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be guarded...when suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like discuss something that hasn

t be talked about in a while. Set a time to talk. Never good to throw something out there and not be able to fully get into the conversation in depth. Make time. This gives both of you time to organize your thoughts. It’s not good to come to the table unprepared wither, so for goodness sakes, gather all of your thoughts. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. remember this is a two sided conversation and you are not the center of the universe, so if you think that you are, come down off your 'high horse' as my grandmother used to say and be reasonable for heaven sakes! If your spouse is not as good at communicating as you then compensate. Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate. Both opinions are equally important.

No time for distractions when talking...if the radio or TV are going, turn them off...and certainly do not try to have a conversation when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate. That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Strive for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue. Never get angry, and don’t give up. Remember, Rome wasn't built over night. Relationship disasters don't just happen. Something made this happen so figure out what to do to fix...or decide if it is worth fixing? When you stop communicating, then you have big problems. As long as you can discuss things, even if they are painful, you are keeping the lines of communication open and that is healthy for a good relationship. Trust me, I know this oh too well.

Remember it's not all about YOU. If your conversation is a more so private topic...where others may be involved... don't shout your dirty laundry from the roof tops... there’s another world besides yours and you must exist in both. Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is apparent, professional help may be needed to assist you. Communication will not solve all of your problems but it’s a good beginning to find to get some resolution. Make the time!

www.SimplyDeliciousLingerie.com

Nice Girls Finish Last...

When you are a nice girl, everyone loves you because you take care of everyone else. You are alluring, and have an exquisite way with words, your style is appealing, you are everyone's friend, your sense of humor is like that of no other and your mentality level is off the charts. What's wrong with that? Absolutely NOTHING, so don't change who you are for a minute! You have the positive outgoing demeanor, you have that 'conquer the world' type attitude, you put everyone else first before yourself, and you are a giver. Your presence is your mannerism, you know your true value, and you have a high level of sincerity and integrity.

 Have you ever wondered why nice girls have a hard time getting the men they want? When does being nice become a turn off to men? What is it about nice girls that make guys run for the hills? My findings are that guys are turned on by nice girls but they are just as easily turned off by certain things that they do. Maybe women are too independent and men feel the need to be the power force in a relationship? Men love to come to the rescue like Superman and save the day. Guess what? In today's society, we women are very independent and we are Superwoman, or Supermom. We take control of our own destiny. Times have changed and we no longer are the type of women that our mothers and grandmothers were. We can actually stand on our own two feet quite well. If something breaks we fix it. If someone hurts us we bounce back.

Is there a down fall to being this way (nice)? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. The problem comes up when you're just too nice because it makes you an easy target to get dumped, walked on or mistreated. Most men that I know of enjoy the thrill of the chase. Nice women lay their cards on the table and make it real easy to read what they want and how they feel. This is why some men are more drawn to girls who are more apt to say what is on their mind even when it's the complete opposite of what their men think.The one thing with nice girls that turn guys off is they cease to be a challenge. Sad, but in this day and age it is true. I guess being a bad ass bitch who will walk all over them is what they desire more? Perhaps this is why they go through relationships after relationships that only last a short time yet there is never no true commitment?

My guess is that they are dealing with some of their own inner demons and can't be happy with a nice girl because we get boring after a while. Some men like the rush, the excitement and everything that goes with it. Have you ever heard a man say "Its not you, its me"? He may be saying that but what he really means is "Its not me, its you". Chances are good that when it comes to commitment, the problem is you.  I know that's a tough pill to swallow. You may feel you do everything right and you are an awesome girlfriend. You probably are an awesome girlfriend but that is not necessarily what triggers those deeper feelings in a man. The things you are doing to be an great girlfriend could very well be the things that keep him from committing. You're too nice!


 Being Too Nice
Although guys like girls who are nice, there's such a thing as being too nice. If you're too nice that becomes a difficult thing to live up to. A guy may feel that he has to be almost perfect to be good enough.The other problem with being too nice is that, as a woman, you may feel that this means you always have to go along with whatever he says or whatever he wants to do. You don't want to argue or rock the boat in any way. Although your heart is in the right place this can old, pretty fast for a guy. He'd rather have some teasing and lively debates. He wants a companion; someone who knows her own mind, not a yes woman.

Share Responsibilities in Communication

Even though guys like to get their own way most of the time, and they may always think that they are right, believe it or not, they don't want that all the time.If you don't change, there will come a point where his frustration will boil over and you'll be left wondering what went wrong because you were always so accommodating. This is a big reason why nice girls finish last. We are the peace maker, the silent partner and the one who thinks before she speaks, and the one who listens, and the one who can read between the lines better than you think. Relationships are not one sided. It takes two to make them work. If the foundation is not set properly it will fail. Talking about it and being honest will help you to understand what went wrong, why you aren't the one for him, or vica versa, and you'll feel better knowing that you were open about it.

If You're Too Easy Going... STOP!

As a nice girl it has for so long been said that you may not want to make waves, take my advice...make them! MAKE BIG WAVES! Stand your ground and be YOU because you can't let a guy walk all over you. Get angry once in awhile and speak about why you're upset. If you just accept whatever he does without saying anything, he'll only keep doing it. Then you'll be left stewing in silence with your blood boiling over.So if he's supposed to take you out, or call, and he doesn't do it, let him have it. Otherwise, he'll use you, knowing that you'll let it go. And guess what? Things will only get worse. Some men however find that nice woman are just that, super sweet, loving, good looking and kind...sometimes that's still not enough. Cut your loses.You deserve someone who is in it to win it, and by winning it I mean your love and affection whole heartily. Never settle for less ladies, there is someone out there just waiting for a nice woman like you, so don't give up and don't think for a minute that a month from now he won't be kicking himself for a bad decision based on how his penis thinks and not his real head.
 
Can you see now why nice girls finish last so often? If you can, that's great but what are you going to do about it? Remember, you can be nice without being one of those nice girls who can't keep the guy.
 I listen to men talk over and over about what they want in relationship and physical attraction. Chemistry I say is important but communication is key just the same. The problems lies within, most men are far from perfect and have their own insecurities and bad habits but they all want the dream girl. What does this dream gal do? Well, she inspires a man to want to be with her, spend time with her, respect her, possibly take her to forever. She does this with a feminine grace that is hard for a man to resist. She is fun, playful, has boundaries and does not badger or nag to get what she needs out of a relationship. Fellas, you are in la-la land if you think that this dream girl is going to love you more than someone with all of the other rare qualities I mentioned above. If you want a fantasy girl, by a blow up doll. She'll be everything you want her to be.

Relationships are like finding the perfect fitting shoe. They just don't come in your size, you have to grow into them.

www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com