If I've said it once I've said it a million times...Communication in any relationship is KEY so make sure when you enter into a new relationship you build your foundation on trust, something some men and women know nothing about. Life is not a game, although there are learning curves for those of you riding the short bus...Pay attention, it's not that difficult. First things first...listen to your mate, pay attention to what he or she is saying, and think before you respond. Whatever you do, now is not the time to put your foot in your mouth. Remember that you are not perfect so you can't possibly expect your mate to be.
Let's get right to the point here shall we? Let's talk about "baggage. All of us carry baggage with us from past relationships. It's a fact of life. Once we accept this fact then we can start doing something about letting go of the baggage and moving on. I don't think that it is possible to completely eliminate the baggage from past relationships, and to be honest I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to try to completely eliminate it. We learn from our past, including our mistakes, some would even argue that we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. Admit it and like it or not, we all do make mistakes.
Every experience in life, whether good or bad, has a lesson for us to learn. If we approach life with this philosophy then it makes the hard times a little easier to bare and the good times even sweeter. When we experience negativity in a relationship, then we need to acknowledge what has happened. Even though we may have overcome an obstacle in a relationship, we will often continue to carry the scars. All we can do is to learn from the experience and then try to let it go, and if you can't you need to make some changes.
We need to make an effort not to let past negative experiences influence or affect our current relationships,..if you do it's pointless, nevertheless, can be damaging to say the least. It's just not fair to put that baggage on our new friends or partners. We all have it, so deal with it. There will often be a similarity in people's personalities, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are going to treat you as your previous partner treated you. It is unfair to you and your new partner to assume that they will be like your old relationship.
- Projection : This happens when people have self-doubt. These feelings can snowball into an assumption that someone is prejudging you and then you will become defensive. Being defensive all of the time especially when starting a relationship, can be buzz kill.
- Paranoia : One of the most important rules to sustain a relationship is that you got to have trust. Without trust you will make your partner feel as if he or she is up to something. Paranoia can also make you appear to be clingy and needy. There is nothing wrong about being a little cautious especially after being hurt, just make sure that your suspicions are legitimate and control your emotional fears. STOP! Don't let this take control. My grandmother always said before you can learn to love again one first must open their heart and allow it to feel.
- Emotional walls : Holding back on your true feelings and recreating past negative feelings in yourself can make a relationship become stagnant. If you have trust than you will feel comfortable exposing your true self, that way there is no misunderstanding about who you are what you are about.
- Lack of commitment : If you are not ready to be in a monogamist relationship than so be it. But, if you are in the habit of sabotaging relationships out of fear and you never allow it to blossom, then you are letting your past dictate your future. Trust me on this one, I was the 'queen of sabotage.' You will always be wondering around in the land of "single people" if you do not learn how to lay all of you cards on the table and start to trust. Deal with the baggage. Life is too short to spend it alone, so help one another unpack!
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