Why do men chase "Cougars?"

Most often we have to wonder....Why do men chase Cougars? If you're familiar with the movie "The Graduate", where a young Dustin Hoffman has an affair with the older and mature Mrs. Robinson, you may have a small grasp of why younger men sometimes like older women. Come on now, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to connect the dots on this puzzle. Here in America, it's rare but not uncommon for a younger man to be with an older woman. It's appealing, its seductive but most of all it is also alluring. So what is it that an older woman seems to have verse a younger gal? A mature woman provides several attractive qualities.

The allure comes in several forms:
 Older women are taboo; taboos are attractive
It's a cultural taboo for a younger man to date a mature woman. It's usually the other way around: an older male with a younger female.

Much like the forbidden fruit, older women are theoretically off-limits for younger guys. While it may be uncommon for a 21 year-old man to date a 31 year-old woman, it's certainly not illegal. People would probably view the interaction as a novelty. It is life though and it is going on all around us. I was approached by a handsome younger man who came right at me and told me that he prefers older women because we are more mature and less fuss. He is actually turned on by women my age. I am 48, he is a very mature 34. I suck at guessing a mans age so naturally I thought he was older....Flattered by this, sure I am.

So ladies...if you think hitting 40 or 50 has turned you into an old maid, think again...you're not too old to get hot and sassy with some Simply Delicious Lingerie and go after what you want, or to allow the chase to begin. Some young men prefer older woman, and I say that there is nothing wrong with that and everything right! It's nice at our age to be known as the "forbidden fruit" isn't it? Taboo? Nah, I just think that the men that are younger that go after women in my age group who still take care of themselves and look well, are ranking high in the friends talk...everyone wants to know how that match came about?

In theory, it's no ones business. Honestly, Imagine being at the bar a younger man with his friends where  many younger women are approaching him and he turns to the beautiful sassy older woman in the crowd? Not only has this just made every mans jaw hit the floor in the room, but he feels like a million bucks and you are honored for the opportunity to get to know this young man who went out of his way to get noticed by you. I'll say it again, the LBD works wonders. Ladies, guys like simple and sexy at whatever again...lose the layers of make up and go more natural...you will look more appealing than you ever imagined without even having tried to.

Much like the forbidden fruit, older women are theoretically off-limits for younger guys. While it may be uncommon for a 21 year-old man to date a 31 year-old woman, it's certainly not illegal. People would probably view the interaction as a novelty.

Mature women make men feel more comfortable.Young women have less experience with men and tend to be less stable in general than older women. Men like women who make them feel comfortable, emotionally. We are less work...that's what I'm trying to say I think....? Also, as far as sexual maturity goes, women tend to peak in their late twenties, while men peak around age 18. Hey, some women such as myself are still peaking...nothing wrong with that.

Very often, young women may have hundreds of men chasing after them; this makes a young man feel the pressures of competition from other males.Older women offer an alternative. It's nice to feel attractive; in the eyes of a mature woman, a young man may be a very attractive object.

Women chase younger men just the same...Perhaps there is something to be said about the chase? There is a class of women known colloquially as "cougars", these women are typically professional, attractive, and earn middle-class incomes without the help of a man.  These are the women who are determined to live a happy life with or without a man because they are well-balanced and happy with who they are. Personally I think that us older women have the edge on dating, and having a younger spouse. I think that age is just a number. It depends truly on one's integrity as well as their maturity level.Look out all you younger women who think that us older gals are heading down the road to loneliness, news flash! There is a cougar crossing...so get out of our way!

Healthy Snacks for Weight Loss

How many times do you try to eat healthy and do what I do? You eat your meals (now cut in half because you are trying to lose weight) and you end up standing in front of the refrigerator at 10pm at night looking for something to satisfy your hunger? Unfortunately, I tend to grab the "wrong" snacks which really don't help take the unwanted pounds off, in fact eating the wrong foods might just pack some extra weight on!

I have found that snacking seems to be the way to keep your appetite under control in between meals. When you go without food for long periods of time your metabolism slows down, your body craves carbohydrates to use for a much needed energy boost. I am guilty as charged! I'll forget to eat for a few days when I get wrapped up with work, especially now that my kids are gone, and when I do finally eat, it's generally the "bad for you foods." When it comes time to finally eat it's hard to consciously choose healthy foods and a proper portion size. Although snacking can seem like your worst nightmare it's more about controlling what types of foods you snack on and how much you choose to consume.

How many of you feel that choosing the right snacks can be difficult, especially when trying to lose weight? I don't know about you all, but if I say I am on a "diet" I pack on 10 pounds without even opening my mouth. I have to trick myself...if I want something I have to tell myself, "Yum yum eat that up Michele, it's so good for you!" When in fact, it's so high in sugar or sodium. If I tell myself I cannot eat something,..it make me only want to eat it more...reverse psychology is what you must use on yourself.

You'll want to eat something to satisfy your craving that is low in calories and healthy. Your snack doesn't necessarily have to be low fat as long as you keep your portion sizes and food choices under control. By pairing two different food types together you will feel fuller for longer, just remember to reduce the amount of each food that you eat. So the next time you're feeling hungry or its time for a snack choose foods from this list to keep you full and satisfied.


1. Fruit- Fruit is excellent for a snack. Whether you eat apiece by itself or pair it with cheese, yogurt or a dipping sauce, it has wonderful nutritional value and is low in calories. Most fruits are naturally sweet, which curb cravings for sugar snacks. Additionally they are a great source of fiber, have high water content and some contain antioxidants, anticancer, and heart disease fighting properties. For the quantity of melons and berries that you're able to eat for a snack they are surprisingly low in calories. Melons include watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, and casaba. Berries include raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries and cranberries. Dried fruit can also be consumed because it maintains the fiber, vitamins, and minerals, however they tend to be higher in calories and can sometimes contain added sugar. Always remember your portion size when you eat dried fruits. The best fruits to eat for a snack include melons, berries, apples, pears, peaches, plums, oranges, grapefruits, tangerines, and red grapes. Fresh fruits of the season are the best!


2. Vegetables- Vegetables are a great source of nutrients, which makes them a perfect snack food. Vegetables are full of vitamins, minerals, and fiber and are very low in calories. Vegetables can be eaten alone or paired with other foods such as celery and peanut butter, cucumbers and hummus, carrots and low fat rand dressing, etc. Because most vegetables require some type of preparation such as cleaning, peeling or cutting, its best to prepare your vegetables ahead of time and store them in plastic baggies or Tupperware containers. Plant a garden. you be so much healthier, and you'll save a lot of change with the prices of produce sky rocketing with this shitty economy.


3. Nuts- Nuts are a great snack food that can be eaten on the go and stored easily. Nuts are a valuable source of fiber, antioxidants, protein, vitamins and healthy unsaturated fats. However, they run high in calories and fat so maintaining an appropriate serving size per sitting is necessary. Pistachios, almonds and walnuts are preferred for snacking purposes.


4. Legume- Legumes are a "whole food" that provides the body with essential nutrients such as fiber, protein, minerals, amino acids, omega 3 fatty acids, and antioxidants. Legumes are complex carbohydrates, which keep you feeling fuller for longer. Although legumes don't seem like a good snack food, most often they are made into a puree, dip, or added to a salad. The best legumes for snacks are beans, chickpeas, hummus, and tahini (pureed sesame seeds).


5. Dairy- Dairy is a great source of calcium, which builds strong bones, protein and vitamins. Its best to use low fat or fat free dairy products for snacking to avoid consuming high amounts of saturated fats. Yogurt, cottage cheese, ricotta, hard cheeses, milk, cream cheese, and sour cream are good sources of dairy foods for snacking. For yogurt beware of the added sugars which hike up the calories. Greek yogurt is thick and has a naturally sour taste, but is also higher in protein than normal yogurt. When measuring out serving size be careful with cheeses because even the low fat or fat free kinds tend to run high in saturated fats. You can consume 1/2 cup of soft cheese in one sitting and a couple of cubes of hard cheese such as mozzarella or Monterey jack.


6. Whole grains- Most snack foods consist of refined grains such as cookies, crackers and snack cakes. Refined grains are high in sugar and fat without any healthy benefits. Whole grains on the other hand have fiber, vitamins and minerals, which provide the body with nutrients and energy. When looking for a snack turn to whole grain food products to fill you up and keep you going. Some whole grain food products include whole grain crackers, tortilla chips, pita wedges, English muffins, rice cakes, cereals and popcorn. Light or low fat popcorn is great for snacking and is naturally high in fiber. Avoid butter, which adds fat and calories. Another option is 100% whole wheat or multi grain, however you want to watch out for added sugar and high saturated or trans fats. Whole grain snack foods are great combined with cheeses, dips, spreads, or fruits. Remember portion size when combining two food groups.


7. Nutrition Bars- Nutrition bars are a great snack to take on the go. They are easy, maintenance free and portable and most often contain a good amount of protein, vitamins, minerals and fiber. They come in all kinds granola, cereal, fiber, protein, and tons of flavors for everyone's different tastes. The fiber and protein will keep you full and satisfy your craving until your next meal. Always check the ingredient list for a high number of calories, sugar, fat and any added chemicals.



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What are Misunderstandings?

mis·un·der·stand·ing   n.

1. A failure to understand or interpret correctly.

2. A disagreement or quarrel.

You can please some of the people some of the time - it is impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and if you can, please, by all means, I beg of you to tell me how the hell you did it?  The same can be said about communication between friends.  There are times when you find that you are in tune with your friends, where you might not even have to finish each other’s sentences because you can just tell what the other person is meaning. 

Effective Communication

Conversing with others is not difficult, and other people’s responses to your comments and questions says a lot about whether or not they find what you say to be of value.  That said, do you find yourself frequently misunderstood among your peers?  Perhaps you need to take a look at your communication skills.  Are you being clear about the points you are making?  If not, how can you reword what you said so that it can be understood?  Another part of communication is in watching how others respond, and being able to spend ample time listening to them in turn.  No one likes the person who hogs the spotlight - they eventually tune him out and walk away.  when your friends see that you are just as interested in what they have to say as you are in sharing your views with them, they will want to stick around.

I think that too many people in today's hurried and rushed society are on the go so much that they miss leads, they lose touch with friends, and they haven't the time for anything honestly because they are just simply too busy. Do you have friends or family like this? If you do then you can relate. I want to bring something up. A few weeks ago I was speaking with someone who is a close friend of mine, and she has been for years. She and I used to keep in touch often, then she started dating someone and her friends instantly took a back seat.

Although I am quite happy for my friend, the situation is still this; if you are too busy, I'd rather not hear from you at all. Instead, I received a generic email that was addressed to myself and 7 other friends that basically said "Hi, I miss you, how are you, what have you been up to, and drop me a line." OK, some of you might think that was OK, as for myself? TOTAL slap in my face. Listen, you you care about your family and friends like you say you do, make the time to individually email or call them, even if it is only for 5 minutes. Where did this email leave me? Angry, hurt and not wanting to speak to her. When you have friends, you always make the time to listen. I did nothing BUT listen to her 3 weeks ago when she made a confession to him and he was ready to dump her ass. I stood by her and tried my best to give comfort as no one knows better than I what it is like to get your heart torn out through your chest over a relationship gone south. Advice my friend; don't make that stupid mistake again, or you won't get a response from me, ever. Are we all taking the "back seat" now that lover boy is in the picture? You bet we are. I am not one to hold a grudge, so as always I overlook others unethical morals, forgive them, for they know not what they do, and they think that they are the ONLY one that this tragedy has happened do. No clue....they have no clue., but they will learn.

Of course, there are some times when your are misunderstood because of who you’re with - this is the case with friends who are not familiar with specific hobbies you have, or perhaps even lingo you use for the industry in which you work. It in no way implies that your friends are dense, but it just means that you have to tailor your conversation accordingly.  Do you really need to show off about what you know to your friends who have no knowledge of what you’re talking about? What should I have done, rather than avoid her like the plague, which wasn't took hard to do because my Sprint phone works when it wants to...was that I should have laid my cards on the table and told her how I felt about the email. Now she thinks I'm mad. Mad? No, disappointed? Yes! My friend should have understood what she had just done, and how we all must have felt. She doesn't like it when someone does it to her, and now she went and did it. Why? To busy, and no time.

Something that I learned during my marriage was never to say good bye to your true friends.  You should always keep the lines of communication open. If you spouse doesn't like your friends (these men/women that have been your friends for what seemed like a lifetime....) perhaps you need to ask why, and look into his/her past? Maybe they are hiding something giving them reason not to like your friends?

Maybe they're prefer you have stupid friends that didn't ask too many questions. Don't do what I did. I walked away from good friends because he didn't like them. I wanted to please him. Guess what I learn? It's bullshit. If he can't accept your friends, that's too bad. If he leaves you with nothing more than a serious ultimatum, walk away....because somewhere down the line my friend, like I found out 15 years into a marriage, he/she will turn on you and you're friends will be long gone leaving you alone and feeling deserted.

It's never to late to fix your wrong doings....so what are you waiting for. Do It! Don't let good friends go because of a silly man/woman. Listen to your gut, and to your heart. At least I've been given a second chance to start anew with my friends. Since moving back home, I have made it a point to contact them, take them to lunch, and try to say I am sorry for abandoning them when they needed me most.

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Laughter is the Best Medicine!

Sometimes the smallest things make you laugh. Generally, I have found that most often, when life gets you down, and there doesn't seem to be an "up" in sight, someone reminds you of something from your past that left an impression on you and at that moment, as you smirk to yourself and chuckle out loud, you realize, that out of sight doesn't always mean out of mind. In fact, this particular story I am about to share with you has left forever an impact on me, my children and friends and family.

I want to tell you about a good friend of my sons. Her name is Sarah. Sarah and Brian met in their freshman year of high school and because they we're old enough to drive yet, Sarah's mother and I were their taxis. We hauled those kids anywhere and everywhere. We took them to concerts, shopping for weekends in Chicago and away from their birthdays to their favorite places. We were the cool hip moms! Although Jan and I were not as good of friends as our kids were, we often laughed about goofy things the kids did, and they'd share stories of goofy things that we did as parents with one another. Over the years we did develop a wonderful friendship, no thanks to our children. My grandmother used to always tell me that God puts certain people in our lives for a reason. I never understood that, but I always knew that he did and he had a purpose for it.

I remember a time after my divorce when money was extremely tight. There were days after payday where I didn't have what seemed to be two nickles to rub together. I clipped coupons, and we never went out to eat. I was always looking through magazines and on the Internet for recipes to make for myself and my children that were inexpensive, recipes that we could stretch into two meals. Brian always came home from Sarah's house with stories about all of these great dishes that Jan made. Jan had a husband and two incomes, I did not. What I didn't know what Jan was cheap, just like me.

I said to Brian one day,..."Wow, Jan must spend a lot of money on Campbell's Soup products and other store brands? She's always making dishes that require these. ( some soups were over $1.00 a can, and for a woman on my budget, I didn't have a dollar to throw away from a few cans to make one dish that we weren't even sure if we'd like?)...Brian laughed and said "Oh Mom, Jan doesn't spend a lot of money at the grocery store!"

 I pondered that statement to myself for a minute and thought to myself...,"then how in the world does she do it?" A few seconds later, and as if my son just read my mind looked at me and said "Mom, Jan doesn't pay full price for her canned goods" ...Hmmmm, I thought to myself again for another minute and finally said to Brian,...."Then how in the hell does she do it?" He said "Mom, Jan drops her cans in the isles (when I say 'drop' I mean throw them to the ground.) He said, "Yup, that's what she does, she throws them in isles and then takes them to the customer service desk to complain about the can being dented and they'd mark them down for her." She made it look like they fell out of her cart, but it was planned. Classic, isn't it? As smart as I am, I would have NEVER thought to do something like this.

There is a moral to this story. You see, a year later, Jan was diagnosed with leukemia and died a short while later after such a strong fight. She was 43 a few years older than me and I was so sad. Although she and I were friends only to a certain degree, we shared a lot of common goals and no matter what happened with the kids, they were always making us laugh. We saw a little bit of our humor shining through in our children, and at that point, we laughed and said that we knew now that we had done something right!

To this day, when I hear a canned good hit the floor in a grocery store, I stop, laugh and pay tribute to a wonder woman who I never really got to thank for enlightening my heart and my home with her love and her personality. Her memory will always live on each time a can hits the floor. Sometimes when I am having a bad day or something isn't going wrong, a can will fall from my lazy Susan for no reason, or off a shelf at the supermarket, and I just women if that isn't Jan's way of telling me to hang in there?

Laughter, you see is the souls food. I need it, you need. Without it, life would not exist in the presence of how to share our thoughts, words and actions. I love laughter. Sometimes I crack myself up, and my kids and I laugh about everything. Take the time to reminisce about someone who made you laugh, or who still makes you laugh, and remember to smile and say thanks for making your day a better day!


Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. In addition to the domino effect of joy and amusement, laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body, changes that are good changes....changes that we all need from time to time. Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress. Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use.

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

• Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
• Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
• Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

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Time to Put your Big Girl Panties On!



Is it always about competition with women? Why do women tend to pick on other women? I see it in the workplace...tearing another woman down because of looks, dress or what her private life may be. I see it more so in bars and night clubs. How old are we?Are you for real? Yet we consider ourselves ( as women) to be more sensitive and empathetic than men. If this is the case, and if it is really true, why so often are we  so mean to other women? I think it has a lot to do with how we view ourselves. Honestly I believe that our minds tend to get filled with the insecurity of.... "how do you look" Are you young enough, pretty enough, is your figure good enough? Seriously? Ladies..." Why go through being insecure about ourselves?  Why can't you just be happy with who "you" are?

The truth is women love to compete with other women. Women want to win men over. They want to be chosen by a man who could have any girl he wants. No woman of caliber wants to win a man by default. She wants her man to be a prize, a good catch, someone she can be proud of. When you tell a woman that her significant other is handsome or intelligent, she’ll likely beam with self satisfaction. In complimenting her man, you’ve complimented her. You have told her, in so many words, that she is capable of attracting a quality mate. The women who rail against this usually have a low self esteem and thus avoid competition because they fear they’ll always fail….or they’re ugly. You pick. I’m not sure if this is socialization or biology. After all, how many men are constantly exclaiming that they couldn’t get a date to save their lives when they were single, only to snag a girlfriend and be surrounded by willing seducers? It happens all the time. There are no exceptions.

Did you know that most women are highly competitive by nature, and it seems that men have an innate ability to bring out their most competitive streak, without even meaning to. Although some women will gracefully bow out if they see that the man they've had their eye on is already involved with another woman, others will see this as a challenge that they can't help but take on. In fact, for some, it renders the man in question even more desirable. But why is this? Why do women compete for men? This is soooo crazy to me? Are there not enough fish in the sea that we have to try to stake our claim on one in particular? The truth is that while the man may be flattered that another woman is interested in him, such tactics will only make the interested party look disrespectful and aggressive, and will not help her cause at all. True love is not something that can be found using hateful or underhanded means.

Ladies, know your strengths and weaknesses and find comfort in both sides of the list. The root of negative competition is, unfortunately, jealousy and the fear that you cannot obtain the true success that you want. First, develop a stronger belief in yourself, your abilities, and your dreams!!  Create quarterly goals which support your personal accomplishments. Make sure that these goals are for your own personal and/or professional happiness, and aren’t derived from your need to “beat” your partner or supersede their level of success.

 

First and foremost find confidence in yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses and find comfort in both sides of the list. The root of negative competition is, unfortunately, jealousy and the fear that you cannot obtain the true success that you want. First, develop a stronger belief in yourself, your abilities, and your dreams. Know and understand your partner’s drive and find appreciation in it. Your partner’s strengths and ambitions are probably what attracted you to in the beginning of the relationship. Take yourself back to those days and identify the things you enjoyed about your partner.

Ok, so they say that healthy competition is good. It keeps you on your toes. It helps drive you to a higher level of success. However, bad competition is toxic, destructive, and debilitating.This behavior brings out the worst in individuals and prevents partners from achieving success that’s free from damaging personal distractions. Healthy and even playful competition helps partners bond together, develop together, and learn together. Being mindful of disparaging, competitive behavior is key to keep a growing relationship constructive. There are ways to avoid creating a negative. Are you wearing your big girl panties? If not, put them on and just deal with it!





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