What are Misunderstandings?

mis·un·der·stand·ing   n.

1. A failure to understand or interpret correctly.

2. A disagreement or quarrel.

You can please some of the people some of the time - it is impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and if you can, please, by all means, I beg of you to tell me how the hell you did it?  The same can be said about communication between friends.  There are times when you find that you are in tune with your friends, where you might not even have to finish each other’s sentences because you can just tell what the other person is meaning. 

Effective Communication

Conversing with others is not difficult, and other people’s responses to your comments and questions says a lot about whether or not they find what you say to be of value.  That said, do you find yourself frequently misunderstood among your peers?  Perhaps you need to take a look at your communication skills.  Are you being clear about the points you are making?  If not, how can you reword what you said so that it can be understood?  Another part of communication is in watching how others respond, and being able to spend ample time listening to them in turn.  No one likes the person who hogs the spotlight - they eventually tune him out and walk away.  when your friends see that you are just as interested in what they have to say as you are in sharing your views with them, they will want to stick around.

I think that too many people in today's hurried and rushed society are on the go so much that they miss leads, they lose touch with friends, and they haven't the time for anything honestly because they are just simply too busy. Do you have friends or family like this? If you do then you can relate. I want to bring something up. A few weeks ago I was speaking with someone who is a close friend of mine, and she has been for years. She and I used to keep in touch often, then she started dating someone and her friends instantly took a back seat.

Although I am quite happy for my friend, the situation is still this; if you are too busy, I'd rather not hear from you at all. Instead, I received a generic email that was addressed to myself and 7 other friends that basically said "Hi, I miss you, how are you, what have you been up to, and drop me a line." OK, some of you might think that was OK, as for myself? TOTAL slap in my face. Listen, you you care about your family and friends like you say you do, make the time to individually email or call them, even if it is only for 5 minutes. Where did this email leave me? Angry, hurt and not wanting to speak to her. When you have friends, you always make the time to listen. I did nothing BUT listen to her 3 weeks ago when she made a confession to him and he was ready to dump her ass. I stood by her and tried my best to give comfort as no one knows better than I what it is like to get your heart torn out through your chest over a relationship gone south. Advice my friend; don't make that stupid mistake again, or you won't get a response from me, ever. Are we all taking the "back seat" now that lover boy is in the picture? You bet we are. I am not one to hold a grudge, so as always I overlook others unethical morals, forgive them, for they know not what they do, and they think that they are the ONLY one that this tragedy has happened do. No clue....they have no clue., but they will learn.

Of course, there are some times when your are misunderstood because of who you’re with - this is the case with friends who are not familiar with specific hobbies you have, or perhaps even lingo you use for the industry in which you work. It in no way implies that your friends are dense, but it just means that you have to tailor your conversation accordingly.  Do you really need to show off about what you know to your friends who have no knowledge of what you’re talking about? What should I have done, rather than avoid her like the plague, which wasn't took hard to do because my Sprint phone works when it wants to...was that I should have laid my cards on the table and told her how I felt about the email. Now she thinks I'm mad. Mad? No, disappointed? Yes! My friend should have understood what she had just done, and how we all must have felt. She doesn't like it when someone does it to her, and now she went and did it. Why? To busy, and no time.

Something that I learned during my marriage was never to say good bye to your true friends.  You should always keep the lines of communication open. If you spouse doesn't like your friends (these men/women that have been your friends for what seemed like a lifetime....) perhaps you need to ask why, and look into his/her past? Maybe they are hiding something giving them reason not to like your friends?

Maybe they're prefer you have stupid friends that didn't ask too many questions. Don't do what I did. I walked away from good friends because he didn't like them. I wanted to please him. Guess what I learn? It's bullshit. If he can't accept your friends, that's too bad. If he leaves you with nothing more than a serious ultimatum, walk away....because somewhere down the line my friend, like I found out 15 years into a marriage, he/she will turn on you and you're friends will be long gone leaving you alone and feeling deserted.

It's never to late to fix your wrong doings....so what are you waiting for. Do It! Don't let good friends go because of a silly man/woman. Listen to your gut, and to your heart. At least I've been given a second chance to start anew with my friends. Since moving back home, I have made it a point to contact them, take them to lunch, and try to say I am sorry for abandoning them when they needed me most.

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Youngstown, Ohio....It's where I call HOME!

Where do you call home? Like many kids, I grew up in a small town where life was good, but by the time I was 16, I was ready to get out of dodge! My grandmother always told me to have a family and see the world. She taught me that if you were going to dream,..."Dream BIG!" So I did! I married at 19 and moved out of the little city that I called home, Youngstown Ohio. Growing up we took things for granted,..who doesn't? We knew all of our neighbors, you could stay out late at night, there were no curfews. We left home in the morning with a few dollars in our pockets and mom and dad didn't see us until dinner time. Did they worry, hell no! You didn't have to worry about sickos kidnapping kids. We didn't even know what a pedifile was.

We were safe and the world was a better place. We had NO idea what life had in store for us...our biggest wish was for a bicycle with a banana seat for Christmas! If you had more than one television in your house your family was rich, and you had one telephone that hung on the wall with a 5 foot cord, so you didn't get much done while you were on it. There were no two lines, three way calling, call forwarding, voice mail,...in fact, we didn't even have an answering machine until I was in the 9th grade and you would have thought it was something from a sci-fi! Ahhh and it was a town in which I grew up where you could go to bed and leave your doors unlocked. In fact, you could leave the house and leave your doors unlocked for a period of time...there was no trouble or violence, and if there was it was tragic and brought the whole town together.

Lets take a step back....When I was 17 I realized that there was not going to be anything for me here and if I wanted to follow my heart and make my dreams happen I wouldn't be doing it here. After the steel mills closed I watched family members struggle and lose their jobs. If you had a job you kept it, not like today where if we get sick of it or hate our boss we say F-U and find another one! My dad worked at the same place for 42 years until he retired, and my mother a bank manager for 25 years. I realized years after I left and had a family of my own in Grand Rapids, Michigan that there were more things to life than staying in one place. Now, some of you may like that....but I wanted more. After my marriage fizzled and the divorce was inevitable, I decided to work hard, to save a lot of cash, and to show my kids what life was all about.

 As a child my parents took us on vacations every year. I've seen all but 5 of the states in the USA and looking back now, I wished that I would have paid more attention to where we visited and why. At 13 you ask yourself...who cares about the Luray Caverns in Virginia, we didn't want to go underground to see the stalactites and the stalagmites! My aunt and uncle lived in Washington DC after having lived in foreign countries they traveled the globe working for the government. We visited them once a month. As kids we loved the visits because we got to see the the White House and all of the Museums. I would give anything to relive those childhood days where mom and dad opened our eyes to society. My kids have only been there a few times and it is not the same...now there are metal detectors, and security checks. It is quite sad. What happened to that state of mine that we used to live in where no bad happened and you felt safe everywhere?

 No one stepped out of the country....but we did! We used to get awaken by dad in the morning on a Saturday with  the smell of Maxwell House coffee brewing and our hearing...."Kids, get your ass out of bed, we;re leaving the country!" This meant we're going to Canada crossing the NY border to the Niagara Falls for the weekend! We loved it! We were fierce and like the Swiss Family Robinsons. Our family loved to be spontanous and adventerous! I guess that is a trait that I have since passed on to my children. They go go go.

It's funny, you know...my mom makes a statement every time one of the kids say, "Hey Mom, we're going to Italy, or Prague, or to Argentina, etc." She'll say....boy they sure love to travel, I don't know where they get that from?" Whatttt? Where do they get it from? Hellllloooo? We went everywhere as kids and saw everything! Oh but back then you didn't fly anywhere. 1) it was far too expensive, and 2) dad used to say all the time "Those people that fly have their heads stuck in the clouds and they miss everything on the ground!" ...meaning how can you see how beautiful this country is at 30,000 feet? My dad said that every famiy should eat dinner together and vacation. He said it is a privelage to do so, and something that he worked all year to save for to make us happy and to show us a little more about the society in which we lived.

In 1998, and after my divorce I began showing my kids the world. We decided to get our passports and booked trips to anywhere and everywhere. I worked two jobs while they attended college so that I could  send them to study abroad because I wanted them to really experience life, cultures, society as a whole, economics, politics and learn about the people of these countries. I'm so glad looking back now that I did this for them, because now, even though we continue to jet set to new places, we never forget how great the good old USA is.

Now it's 2011. My kids are out of college, have jobs in BIG cities,...2 of the largest cities in the US as a matter of fact. My son in Manhattan NY where 8 million people live on an island 8 miles long, and in Houston Texas where the population is now pushing 4.3 million. We've gone from Subways and not needing a car to 12-20 lane highways and fast paced living where if you slow down, you get run over. Life has been exciting for my kids and myself and I am grateful for so many things.

 I attribute all of my wonderful childhood memories to how well I was raised, not only by two wonderful parents but four really terrific grandparents and a great grandmother named Ada Belle. I contribute who I am and how I turned out to not just two people but to several. I am the woman I am today that stands before you, kind hearted, loving and passionate because of how I was raised. After living in Houston for a few years, and having relocated there after residing in Michigan for 24 years, it was time to go. I said good bye to the cold winters and snow and hello to heat and palm trees. My daughter is on her way to success in a marketing job and my son a in sales and working as a visual merchandiser for a high end retail store. Both are grown and living their lives now.

Knowing that although I loved the 100 degree temps and high humidity, it was time for me to go and I couldn't think of any other place I wanted to be but home. When I say home, I mean Youngstown. I own a few businesses and my stores are online so I can literally live or go anywhere anytime. Not many people can do that. I decided to come back to a small town of some 65,000 if that after living with millions...why? I missed my small town, my folks and the place I called home, where life was good, where I felt safe, and where you mattered,....My home town, where people here care!

Guess what? Nothings changed really. It's like that movie Pleasantville, the black and white turned into color and we've barely grown, not really changed....I remember Gray Drugs, Mr. Wiggs (our local department store), The Wedgewood Bowling Alley, and Wedgewood Pizza....some of those are now gone....BUT, now there is a Walmart, a Panera Bread and a Ruby Tuesday right down the street. Do you really need more? Some people that I went to school with never left this town we call home. I must admit, it's taking me a lot of time and a lot of biting my tongue not to scream with these 2-4 lane highways. Pot holes I've not seen for years. The same Hostess Thrift Store is on Mahoning Ave where I go for my favorite Hostess Cupcakes! Now they have a Twinkie Tuesday special! My mom and my sister still shop for shrubs and holiday pieces at Mashorda's Country Garden. My father has been going to the same barber since I was in junior high. It's amazing how while life moves on, Youngstown stood still in a many ways, but it sure didn't change the quality of people here, just the quantity,

I think that's good and bad.... "good" because obviously people like it here and although through the tough times and our bad economy they are still hanging on....but it's "bad" because this is all they know. Some won't even vacation far away if they've ever even done that? Folks I have news for you...Pennsylvania isn't another country, it's the next exit on the Ohio Turnpike! Plan a road trip! See how beautiful this country really is..and know that no matter where you go....that home will always be home. My advice folks,....let you kids live. Push them to see the world or another state for that matter.

People would be shocked if they saw the same world that I experienced. Politics, Race, and Religion do matter and they are something every kid should experience. Don't shelter you kids, and don't preach to them about how bad this country is if you've never left it. Sure we were sheltered, and my kids actually tell me that I am still niave. Wake up! Yes, I love where I grew up but there is a whole other world out there. So goooo! Can't afford it? Here's a thought....JOB! I worked two of them as a single mother. My kids and I are quite close and they thank me each and every day for all that I did to show them this country. As for me, I'll stay here for now to spend time with my retired parents after having been gone for 28 years. Most say... "Welcome Home Michele"...I say "Here's to new beginnings!" It's good to be home!

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Thank You Youngstown,...It is good to be home...for now anyway. Who knows where life will take me? I believe we all have a plan in life,... a path to take if you will. As for me? I make my own destiny!

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