Being a single mom is not at all easy, and anyone who tells you it is quite frankly is living in some sort of la-la-land! If anyone would have told me when I was younger that I would end up taking on the role of single parenting half way through my life I would have thought that they were crazy. My true intentions were to be a loving wife and mother and a stay at home mom at best. Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and it doesn't go the way we had intended it to.
So what does one do besides cry and feel as if her world was turned upside down? You suck it up sister and you go full throttle pushing forward. You find what makes you a better person and you get skilled, you take classes and then you show determination while seeking out what would work best for you and your child(children). This is a whole new way of life, so buckle up and be prepared for a bumpy ride, because as much as I would love to tell you otherwise and inform you that life is a bowl of cherries and everything is going to be peachy, truth be told, it is hard core being a single mom, so please....let's not sugar coat it.
Being a single mother is not something that one learns. It is something like that of a technique that one must develop. We make mistakes, we get upset. We are the one that our children blame for all of the wrong doings and praise when we do good deeds pertaining to them. This role is not one that you can study up on. It is not something that you enter into lightly. It's a lot of hard work. There were days that I laughed so hard I cried, and then there were days when my children made me cry so hard that I had to laugh, for if I did not, I would have caved in and crumbled. As a single mom, we need to be the calm, cool, and collective one. We have to lead the way. We are the one that has to take ownership of all our the responsibilities. Whether what we do is right or wrong, we are scrutinized by our children.
Being a single mom by choice can have its advantages. There are many women out there who have decided to raise kids on their own. It is not always the easiest thing to do, but it can be a very rewarding experience for the mother. First, living independently can build loads of confidence in a woman. Being able to support her own family and run her own household is a really great experience. Not only does she get to make her own rules and do things her own way, but she also gets to raise her kids the way she wants to without any disagreements from a spouse. If this is the single parenting via a divorce, yes, you still have to deal with the ex-spouse, BUT you take on a new direction, a new way of life, and a new beginning for yourself and your kiddo(s).
There are many so very things that a woman has to consider when being a single mom by choice. The key is to gather your thoughts, and get a grasp on what you about to enter into. What does this mean? Use your nugget and think! She has to realize the importance of keeping a budget. When there is only one income coming into a household, keeping and sticking to a budget is vital. The single mom needs to be sure that she can keep a roof over her child's head, the lights on and a warm shelter when it is cold. She needs to be able to feed and provide for her children, so her freedom of spending money is very limited. If she is used to a lavish life style like so many women are, you'd better think about this one and restructure your budget. If you are aware of this it won't be bad at all. If you go into this nonetheless thinking it is going to be a walk in the park, oh Mary Poppins have you been drinking way too much of that supercalifragilisticexpialidocious stuff. It is not an easy task, but you can do it! You may need to restructure your entire life/life style, however it is within reason.
Being a single mom allows you to have extra bonding time with your kids. Although, a two parent home is ideal, single moms can focus all of their attention on their children without having to share their time. Also, there is less arguing in the household for children to witness like a home with two parents. There is no chance of undermining when it comes to discipline and expecting respect from her children, because she is the only parent and therefore what she says, goes.
It can be a wonderful experience being a single mom, however, there needs to be other things added to her life as well that children just can't provide. This is where setting equal time between her children and herself is important. It can get very tiring when a mom does it all by herself, therefore taking some time out for herself is exactly what she needs to boost herself back up again to be the proud single parent that she is.
Are you entitled to get involved again in another relationships? Sure you are, but pay close attention; The complexities of getting into a relationship with someone other than your child's father are the subject of a whole different blog post. Maybe even a book. To sum things up, there is the question of when and how to explain the relationship to your child; how much time your new boyfriend should spend around your child; balancing time with your boyfriend along with time with your child. It's a never-ending juggling act and it is not easy.Notice I didn’t say being a single parent is easy. Even in a two parent household parenting is still difficult. I said it wasn’t so bad. And it isn’t. But just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it can’t be done or shouldn’t be done at all. If that were case no one would do anything ever.
What do I like best about the role? Many things, but this is what I like best of all;
There is NO ONE to undermine my authority. When I say the word, it's the word. When I call out, "Bedtime," there was no one to say, "Hey, let them stay up another half hour." When I said "you're grounded" I meant exactly that...(those words; 'you're grounded'... I really never did use because my kids and I had that type of relationship where as they knew that I meant business and that their ass was grass if they lied, or did what they weren't supposed to do.) There is a line that you must draw between being the friend and the mother, and in the end, the mother card is so much more powerful. Your child(children) don't need another friend, they have plenty. They need a stern mother who is going to be the backbone and the leader. It's a big responsibility to make all the choices yourself, but decision making is a big responsibility whether you're married or single.
When you're single, you understand how enormous your charge is and you take it more seriously because you know there isn't anyone else around to defer to. My non-professional advice? Pay attention to your children. Give them love, and lots of it. Your needs are now on the back burner, so get used to being the giver and no longer the taker. You'll go without, you'll feed them first, and you'll work countless jobs to give them the lifestyle that they so deserve because you want them to realize some day not what you did for them, rather how much they meant to you to have changed your entire way of life. Some day, when you least expect it, they will give back. Don't believe me? Ask my children, my son and my daughter. They took me to Hawaii for a week in April 2012 to show me their love and appreciation. For all the nights as a single, divorced mom that I laid awake crying wondering if I made the right choice I say to you now; Hell Yes I did!My kids are my rock and I would not be the woman I am today without the two of them.
So what does one do besides cry and feel as if her world was turned upside down? You suck it up sister and you go full throttle pushing forward. You find what makes you a better person and you get skilled, you take classes and then you show determination while seeking out what would work best for you and your child(children). This is a whole new way of life, so buckle up and be prepared for a bumpy ride, because as much as I would love to tell you otherwise and inform you that life is a bowl of cherries and everything is going to be peachy, truth be told, it is hard core being a single mom, so please....let's not sugar coat it.
Being a single mother is not something that one learns. It is something like that of a technique that one must develop. We make mistakes, we get upset. We are the one that our children blame for all of the wrong doings and praise when we do good deeds pertaining to them. This role is not one that you can study up on. It is not something that you enter into lightly. It's a lot of hard work. There were days that I laughed so hard I cried, and then there were days when my children made me cry so hard that I had to laugh, for if I did not, I would have caved in and crumbled. As a single mom, we need to be the calm, cool, and collective one. We have to lead the way. We are the one that has to take ownership of all our the responsibilities. Whether what we do is right or wrong, we are scrutinized by our children.
Being a single mom by choice can have its advantages. There are many women out there who have decided to raise kids on their own. It is not always the easiest thing to do, but it can be a very rewarding experience for the mother. First, living independently can build loads of confidence in a woman. Being able to support her own family and run her own household is a really great experience. Not only does she get to make her own rules and do things her own way, but she also gets to raise her kids the way she wants to without any disagreements from a spouse. If this is the single parenting via a divorce, yes, you still have to deal with the ex-spouse, BUT you take on a new direction, a new way of life, and a new beginning for yourself and your kiddo(s).
There are many so very things that a woman has to consider when being a single mom by choice. The key is to gather your thoughts, and get a grasp on what you about to enter into. What does this mean? Use your nugget and think! She has to realize the importance of keeping a budget. When there is only one income coming into a household, keeping and sticking to a budget is vital. The single mom needs to be sure that she can keep a roof over her child's head, the lights on and a warm shelter when it is cold. She needs to be able to feed and provide for her children, so her freedom of spending money is very limited. If she is used to a lavish life style like so many women are, you'd better think about this one and restructure your budget. If you are aware of this it won't be bad at all. If you go into this nonetheless thinking it is going to be a walk in the park, oh Mary Poppins have you been drinking way too much of that supercalifragilisticexpialidocious stuff. It is not an easy task, but you can do it! You may need to restructure your entire life/life style, however it is within reason.
Being a single mom allows you to have extra bonding time with your kids. Although, a two parent home is ideal, single moms can focus all of their attention on their children without having to share their time. Also, there is less arguing in the household for children to witness like a home with two parents. There is no chance of undermining when it comes to discipline and expecting respect from her children, because she is the only parent and therefore what she says, goes.
It can be a wonderful experience being a single mom, however, there needs to be other things added to her life as well that children just can't provide. This is where setting equal time between her children and herself is important. It can get very tiring when a mom does it all by herself, therefore taking some time out for herself is exactly what she needs to boost herself back up again to be the proud single parent that she is.
Are you entitled to get involved again in another relationships? Sure you are, but pay close attention; The complexities of getting into a relationship with someone other than your child's father are the subject of a whole different blog post. Maybe even a book. To sum things up, there is the question of when and how to explain the relationship to your child; how much time your new boyfriend should spend around your child; balancing time with your boyfriend along with time with your child. It's a never-ending juggling act and it is not easy.Notice I didn’t say being a single parent is easy. Even in a two parent household parenting is still difficult. I said it wasn’t so bad. And it isn’t. But just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it can’t be done or shouldn’t be done at all. If that were case no one would do anything ever.
What do I like best about the role? Many things, but this is what I like best of all;
There is NO ONE to undermine my authority. When I say the word, it's the word. When I call out, "Bedtime," there was no one to say, "Hey, let them stay up another half hour." When I said "you're grounded" I meant exactly that...(those words; 'you're grounded'... I really never did use because my kids and I had that type of relationship where as they knew that I meant business and that their ass was grass if they lied, or did what they weren't supposed to do.) There is a line that you must draw between being the friend and the mother, and in the end, the mother card is so much more powerful. Your child(children) don't need another friend, they have plenty. They need a stern mother who is going to be the backbone and the leader. It's a big responsibility to make all the choices yourself, but decision making is a big responsibility whether you're married or single.
When you're single, you understand how enormous your charge is and you take it more seriously because you know there isn't anyone else around to defer to. My non-professional advice? Pay attention to your children. Give them love, and lots of it. Your needs are now on the back burner, so get used to being the giver and no longer the taker. You'll go without, you'll feed them first, and you'll work countless jobs to give them the lifestyle that they so deserve because you want them to realize some day not what you did for them, rather how much they meant to you to have changed your entire way of life. Some day, when you least expect it, they will give back. Don't believe me? Ask my children, my son and my daughter. They took me to Hawaii for a week in April 2012 to show me their love and appreciation. For all the nights as a single, divorced mom that I laid awake crying wondering if I made the right choice I say to you now; Hell Yes I did!My kids are my rock and I would not be the woman I am today without the two of them.
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