Romance and Why We Fall Out of Love?

Just about every day on a daily basis, I encounter those embodied in a kind of extramarital affair I describe as "I Fell Out of Love...and just love being in love." Can one fall out of love? You be they can. Does it hurt, oh hell yes it does...so what causes this, and what can you do so that it never happens to you? Well, first of all, never say never. I made this mistake... it's when you think that it cannot happen to you that it does. It's when you think it will happy to Sally or Claire, and then it happens to YOU! What happened? You lost communication somewhere in your relationship and love slipped away as quickly as it crept into your life. Lost the romance, the thrill is gone, the flame went out...The cheating or "offending" spouse has encountered someone where there are "sparks!"

Here are common phrases: (to the spouse) "I love you but am not 'in love' with you. The romance in our marriage is gone. I found someone who really loves me." (self thoughts) "I don't want to settle. I have a lot of love to give. He/she treats me like no one else. I feel special with the other person."

The "offended spouse" often responds with increased or new romantic gestures. They fall flat.

At the core of this kind of affair is a deeply engrained belief that "romance" is the savior and benchmark of a great marriage or intimate relationship.

Here are some reflections on romance:

1. "Romance" is advertised in our culture as the ultimate experience in an intimate relationship. Romance is idealized in movies and books as the ecstasy of being "in love." We can't get enough (hugely profitable grocery counter tabloids) of which "stars" are currently "in love" with whom. And, it often does not matter (really) if the are married. Oh gosh, to be like that, to experience that. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

2. Romantic movies are often called "romantic comedies" for a reason." Ever wonder why they are so funny or why they should be? Or, at the other end, romantic movies are tragedies (Romeo and Juliet). Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. When Harry Met Sally, The Notebook, and even Cinderella... Ever see a "real" romantic movie? People see romance in a variety of ways.

3. The search for romance whether through an affair or within our marriage often taint powerful personal needs. It has little to do with love and more to do with getting our personal needs met. Most of us have strong needs such as to be acknowledged, adored, cared for or perhaps cherished. Another powerful need is to feel "special. Romance becomes the vehicle through which these needs are supposedly met without needing to name those needs or talk about them. Don't get me wrong. Personal needs are all right. We all have them. Personal needs drive, often powerfully, what we go after. But, and this is a huge but, if we do not consciously name them and get them met once and for all they continue to drive us and we live perpetually in frustration, always wanting more.Once we move beyond the merry-go-round of personal need meeting we discover our personal passion, our purpose and reach down and touch the essence of real joy and peace. Are you getting the picture here? Life isn't perfect, and like a yoyo, we all have or ups and our downs. We just need to learn how to balance our romance and talk about things when they bother you.

4. Romance is it a teaser for  mating? True....Sometimes sex is the bottom line. The "chemistry" described in "romantic love" we are finding, is truly that - raw chemistry. Studies now show that those "in love" have a high concentration of specific dorphins (chemicals) in their bodies. These are the same chemicals found when animals are in "heat."I also believe that we run into a few people in our life-time where we experience this "chemistry." I have no idea why this happens. There appears to be some attraction, based on a huge number of factors that stir our juices - literally. Interesting. But, doesn't mean that I must jump into bed with this person. Maybe some animals do, however.

5. A person seeking romance is often someone looking romantic rush. Some call it a romance high, I call it a romantic rush. Why? They want to feel good. They expect they should feel good. They believe they should jump on something that feels good. They want the pill, the drug, the experience that will take away their pain, their emptiness, their loneliness and make them feel good. They what the  obsession. Obsessions are good and bad...they are healthy, and yet so very unhealthy. Romance your partner whether it be in bed or on the dining room table. Keep the spark alive, thats how to build romance...it's the erotic love that keep us from falling out of love...

 

Internet Dating... Is Love the Answer?

Day after day people ask..."Can you really find love on the Internet?" In a recent study, millions of people said that they believe you can. Have we made it easier for one to find love with out having to leave our house? Sure they have...They want to reduce the search to the click of a mouse and discover lifelong bliss. In the real world, however, it’s not that easy to find love. In fact, if it was we'd all be on the internet and bar, clubs, and the frozen food section of your local grocery store would be shut down, non existent, because those were the place we once went looking for love...turns out they were all the wrong places. We have such high expectations for love that no person can ever meet them, yet we continue to find love.

So whats the plan Stan? Well, imagine if you will that your heart is like a lock. Only one key fits it perfectly. That key is in a persons love for you. His  love for you doesn't fit anyone else and his love for them doesn't fit you. There is no master key of love that fits everyone. He has an individual, special love for every single person. Human love is an incredible thing, the kind of gift that puts purpose in your life and happiness in your heart. Fame, fortune, power, and good looks are like trash compared to human love.

Love is what everyone wants but it is not necessary that everyone would get it. Some get their love very easily whereas some other people, who even after making a lot of effort, do not succeed in finding love. Probably the true reason is they do not how to recognise love. Their love might have been by their side, but they would have just not known how to know that for sure. We would break this entire process of finding love into two parts. First one would concentrate on how one should behave to attract the true love and the other one would be stressing on what should one look for in a person to know whether that person is in true love with you. Finding love can be a lot easier if you understand what you need to be happy.

If you want to find love you will have to have a positive approach to meeting people and have an open mind that there will be some one nice who will be able to meet all your needs in a companion and who will reciprocate your feeling too. Obviously those who approach you will be people who have read your profile and will know what to expect from you when they do communicate with you. So be prepared for someone who is looking for the qualities that you have and not someone who is going to find you totally different to what they want. Also, be prepared for those who are not exactly being totally honest on the internet to deceive you. It happens folks, it only take one bad apple to put a bad taste in your mouth, so move forward with caution, and take baby steps. There's no rush is there?
 
Remember, you will have some options to choose from and need not be in a hurry to make up your mind. You can chat and then shortlist some and finally meet up and decide whether this is what you were looking for. The good thing is that you can go about all this while taking your time and need not have any feelings of regret or commitment until you want to do so.
 
 Look for love...it might be right around the corner, or even on the next page of matches chosen for you, where ever it may be, be prepared to find love and when you do, know that it is special. There is hope for everyone to get that perfect someone that they have been searching for. The online sites are designed to give people so much more room to decide from and with this almost unlimited choice it should not be difficult to find that one ideal match for yourself. There are a lot of people looking for love....but is love the answer? Many will say "You bet it is!" My advice, and it's coming from a non-professional; as my grandmother used to always say..."Follow Your Heart!"