Infidelity in your Marriage...What are the signs?

Watching For Infidelity Warning Signs

This is one topic that no one wants to hear about but it is one that men and women need to read. Have you ever suspected something funny going on in your marriage? Have stories just not been jiving recently? Are friends covering for your partner? Did he/she really have a business meeting? What was he/she really doing out of the country..work or pleasure? Let's face it, at one time or another, there will likely be a time when you suspect your spouse or life partner is not being faithful. That sick feeling will eat away at you like death and as much as you fear it not being true, it very well can be. The suspicious thought may have some merit, or simply be a passing thought that has no real basis in fact. Nevertheless,  there are a few common infidelity warning signs that seem to be show up in just about every case of infidelity. If you see any of these, (my advice -and it is not professional but I know what I'm talking about) it may be worth your while to look into the situation a little more closely.

One of the most common indicators that your love interest may have a wandering eye is a change in the level of attention he or she shows to you. While it is normal for people to become more comfortable with one another as a relationship continues from year to year, there are still plenty of signs each day that the two people want to be a part of each other's lives. When a spouse or partner begins to withdraw from the relationship and demonstrates less of a willingness to talk, cuddle, or just be in the same room together, something could be going on. Don't look past it, if you have a gut feeling something is not right, you need to act on it.

A change in intimacy is definitely one of the key infidelity warning signs. Is he/she just not that into you like he/she was? When a formally attentive partner or spouse loses interest in sex, it could be due to some hidden health factor. At the same time, it could be because he or she is gaining sexual satisfaction from an outside source. After determining there are no emotional or physical reasons for the sudden apparent lack of interest in sex, the possibility of cheating should be considered.Do they come home and take a shower before getting into bed with you? If so...they may be cleansing the scent of their partner off before climbing into the sack with you. If that is not a red flag I certainly don't know what is.

Normally, these changes in appearance and lifestyle come about after talking with their loved one and voicing a desire to make some changes. When the changes appear out of nowhere, it could be that your partner is taking steps to become more desirable to a lover outside your relationship. If they change their hair style, or wear different clothes, or even new colognes or perfumes...be on the watch. It could be nothing at all, and then it could be disaster.

It is important to keep in mind that just about any of the many infidelity warning signs can also have a perfectly innocent explanation. When your loved one exhibits one or more of these signs, don't automatically assume the worst. Your spouse or partner could be going through some sort of a life crisis and feel the need to make some changes in the way they look or the hobbies they engage in. There could be health issues that a checkup with a doctor will reveal. There is also the possibility that someone is pursuing your love interest and creating circumstances that appear to confirm his or her guilt. Take the signs seriously, but investigate them thoroughly before deciding that any cheating is taking place.

www,simplydeliciouslingerie.com

 

WhY wOmEn CheAT?

As a divorced woman myself, I still ask so many times why do people cheat? In this article please note (ladies) that I am not picking on you, this article is about why women cheat. I have a part 2 that asks "Why do men cheat?" First things first...Whenever people choose to cheat on their partners, there is usually some specific reason that led to the decision to seek physical comfort outside the relationship. In the case of married women who cheat, there are several common reasons why they choose to step out on their husbands.

Here are a few examples. Perhaps the most common reasons why a woman would choose to cheat on her spouse has to do with a lack of attention. When the husband is emotionally cold or distant, or spends most of his time at work, yes the old' workaholic, the wife may become frustrated that she does not seem to be of any importance. Guys if this sounds like you, it's time to make some changes, otherwise you may be in for some bigger problems on the home front. In order to obtain what she needs to feel wanted, she may choose to begin an affair. Even if the affair is purely physical, she has the full attention of a man for at least the amount of time they are together.

In some instances, the woman may find that her libido is not in sync with that of her husband. The end result is that she is left without an outlet for physical gratification. As a means of filling in the gap, she may take on a lover who can offer her physical companionship when her husband is not in the mood. When health issues prevent the husband from being physically responsive to the sexual needs of his wife, the situation can be very touchy. This is very different from a husband who is capable of engaging in sexual activity with his wife, but chooses to not do so. In this scenario, married women who cheat may see this as the only way to get through the crisis and remain supportive of her husband while he deals with health issues. Last, married women who choose to cheat may do so because they have no physical interest in their husbands. My next topic may strike a nerve....
Who do women who seem to have everything cheat? The answer is easy, because they are in the constant search for perfection, because they know that there must be something better than what they already have and so they start searching for it. Most probably they will not find it, or end up finding something worse than what they already have. In this case they will feel bad and realize they did a mistake by doing this, and if they are lucky enough, this hidden escapade will be their secret forever.
There is another reason for the question: Why do women cheat? – And most definitely we all encountered this phenomenon. Boredom appears in the couple after a certain amount of time; the woman wishes to experiment something new and is not ready to transmit this to her partner. She has the feeling that her partner might think she is depraved if her wishes to experiment are eccentric. This is what leads to another mistake; they will try that new thing with a new partner, which they do not know well enough. Again, in this case, the woman will come back to her home, with a well kept secret.
The attraction may have been more along the lines of a secure financial future or a prominent place in local society. When this is the case, the woman may discreetly take on a lover who does excite her physically, while still fulfilling her other roles in the marriage. While there are many different reasons that motivate married women who cheat, the bottom line is that cheating carries a great deal of risk. Lives can be changed forever, reputations can be ruined, and friends and family may suffer if the cheating comes to light. If you are thinking of cheating for any reason, think twice. While the activity may provide some temporary pleasure, the benefits rarely outweigh the liabilities.

www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com

I Love You...I'm Just Not In Love with You

Why do people cheat, and when they do, how is it that we just don't see it? Is the writing on the walls? Is divorce the next mid-life hurdle you'll face? what happened to vows and "until death do you part?" Life as we know it is changing and the writing is all over the wall, but we just can't see the forest through the trees to realize what is going on,..until it is too late. Almost daily I encounter those entangled in a kind of extramarital affairs. Whether it be at work, with a friend or neighbor, or even a relative, we hear of this and I ask why? How can and does this happen? Where do you go from a happy marriage to sharing a bed with someone else? In society today, we dress differently than we did 25 years ago when I was married, we act differently and we flirt more. Back in the day, I had no internet, and there were no dating sites, it was all casual meetings while out with fellow coworkers, or friends if and when that interaction developed. When you take that one step further...that  is when it goes from harmless fun to the danger zone! Most often it is someone else. Generally the cheating or "offending" spouse/partner has encountered someone where there are "sparks" and it escalates from there.

So why do people fall out of love? When does it happen, and why don't we see it? The answer is; we are too in love with that person and far too blind to see it, so when it smacks up dead on in the face we are 100% shocked.  That really doesn't make it any easier when they come to you and say that it is over. If you have ever experienced this as I have, you will know that it felt like someone ripped your heart out through your back. The pain and emotional state is devastating to say the least. So, how does this occur? 

 Here are common phrases: (to the spouse) "I love you but am just not 'in love' with you. Have you ever heard those words uttered to you? If you have, then you know exactly how this feels. The romance in our marriage is gone. I found someone who really loves me." (self thoughts) "I don't want to settle. I have a lot of love to give. He/she treats me like no one else. I feel special with the other person." The "offended spouse" often responds with increased or new romantic gestures. They fall flat. Sadly, at the core of this kind of affair is a deeply ingrained belief that "romance" is the savior and benchmark of a great marriage or intimate relationship. Nope, communication is and always has been key.,,when you lose that my friend, your marriage is way past saving in my own personal opinion. What makes it worse is when there are children involved. They tend to think that it is their fault and as broken hearted as we are, we need to put our feelings on the back burner to see them through this mess.

Here are some reflections on romance and affairs from an article I read recently: (along with my 2 cents!)

1. "Romance" is subtly touted in our culture (USA) as the ultimate experience in an intimate relationship. Romance is idealized in movies and books as the ecstasy of being "in love." We can't get enough (hugely profitable grocery counter tabloids) of which "stars" are currently "in love" with whom. And, it often does not matter (really) if the are married. Oh gosh, to be like that, to experience that. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Call me pathetic, but I wouldn't want to be in a celebrities shoes for nothing! No thank you!

2. Romantic movies are often called "romantic comedies." Ever wonder why they are so funny or why they should be? Or, at the other end, romantic movies are tragedies (Romeo and Juliet). How about "Bridges of Madison County" where the woman and man (Clint Eastwood) never get at the huge "emptiness" in their lives? Ever see a "real" romantic movie? I like the Pretty Woman type movies, the Cinderella type if you will....I think that those certain types of movies give all women something to grasp onto...that love can really happen to them just like that! Being the romantic connoisseur that I am, I I get intrigued when I hear of people like myself who still believes...even after heart ache when the bottom falls out of a marriage.

3. The search for romance whether through an affair or within our marriage often belies powerful personal needs. It has little to do with love and more to do with getting our personal needs met. Most of us have strong needs such as to be acknowledged, adored, cared for or perhaps cherished. Another powerful need is to feel "special." This is often the pattern for a man overindulged by his mother, or a woman who was the "apple of her father's eye," yet was emotionally deprived in that relationship.

Romance becomes the vehicle through which these needs are supposedly met without needing to name those needs or talk about them. (Gosh, he/she knows what I want before I do - he/she can read my mind. He/she/we are special!) Don't get me wrong. Personal needs are OK. We all have them. Personal needs drive, often powerfully, what we go after. But, and this is a huge but, if we do not consciously name them and get them met once and for all (and that can be done!) they continue to drive us and we live perpetually in frustration, always wanting more. Once we move beyond the merry-go-round of personal need meeting we discover our personal passion, our purpose and reach down and touch the essence of real joy and peace.

4. Romance is for mating. Sex (sexual union) is often the bottom line. The "chemistry" described in "romantic love" we are finding, is truly that - raw chemistry. Studies now show (just read this last week) that those "in love" have a high concentration of specific endorphins (chemicals) in their bodies. These are the chemicals found when animals are in "heat." I also believe that we run into 2-3 people in our life-time where we experience this "chemistry." I have no idea why this happens. There appears to be some attraction, based on a huge number of factors that stir our juices - literally. Interesting. But, doesn't mean that I must jump into bed with this person. Maybe some animals do, however.

5. A person seeking romance is often someone looking for a high. They want to feel good. They expect they should feel good. They believe they should jump on something that feels good. They want the pill, the drug, the retreat, the experience that will take away their pain, their emptiness, their loneliness and make them feel good. Of course, it is only temporary. The nagging pain continually emerges and their eternal search for quelling the storm within seeks a new substance. Most often, when this occurs, our worlds are shattered and our marriages end up in divorce. My question is this? Is anything safe anymore, and does real love still exist? Time heals our hearts, but it takes forever to truly trust again.

www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com