My relationship was great until I moved in with him…then the affection and sex pretty much stopped. Does this sound familiar? For many it is a very touchy subject even so, one that needs addressed. In many relationships public affection, kissing, holding hands are common and many women would say that this is not the problem in their relationship, nonetheless some men just don't know how to show affection, or at least not the way a woman would like him to. As for the foreplay and sex, sometimes it only occurs when alcohol is involved and that is usually because your man is relaxed and it comes more easily. Is this normal, that's my question? Sure it's great to have them feeling like the sensual king or queen but you can't get them drunk every night for them to show you some love and express themselves. I believe that sex is like that of a great energy and it needs to be suppressed. So what is the relevance?
They say that everyone wants that certain level of comfort in their relationship and that includes openness, closeness and physical intimacy. Its in our biological nature to feel that urge for some sort of intimacy. The percentage of couples that can pull off a healthy relationship without any kind of intimacy or affection is quite rare nevertheless it can happen and in these cases it is usually when their upbringing was the same as their now actions. Perhaps their parents did not have a physical relationship and that's the way your partner believes it should be? Sometimes becoming parents causes changes in the depths/levels of intimacy issues. Where you want to be a good parent, you still have to be a lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, mate or partner to one another. hey, I am not a professional but physical intimacy is like the glue of a relationship.
We all dream of eternal love. We want to believe that we've found the right person and that this man/woman is our everything. At this point, they have already won your affection. Some might say that it is natural for sex to die in a relationship because it is a simple way of affection. What about if he/she spend less and less time with their partner? Maybe they go to the gym more, stay at work later, begins attending more happy hours with the staff, more trips to the spa/salon, golfs 5 days/nights out of the week or believes spending time with the boys at the cigar shop is his time and a necessity because it relieves stress? What about your time and your level of stress that your portion of this relationship has endured? What happened to cooking for you, taking you out to dinner or going on a date? Is he falling asleep in a chair 30 minutes after you begin to spend 'us' time together? Has this too diminished and now you find yourself sitting at home by yourself more and more?
In all sincerity, really, how much can one person go with abstinence before they want to jump out of their skin and throw their hands up in disbelief? It leads many people that are used to having strong sexual relationships from previous partners to take a few steps backward and ponder the thoughts now asking themselves "is it me, does he/she not care anymore, or worse, is he/she seeing/sleeping with someone else? It is unbelievable to think that any couple can live on the 'love of one another' alone with no sexual relationship or level of intimacy.
Sex is needed for the existence of any good relationship. I don't think that is really up for discussion. Keep in mind that as women go through forms of menopause, guys middle age also go through something similar called manopause. It causes changes in a mans testosterone levels and they can have less of a sex drive. So, when your mate just cuts you off and rolls over every night making you feel like you have the plague, or pretends like he is sleeping or has a migraine, what do you do? Try to understand, and give him space. He may not get what is happening to him so how are you supposed to even begin to understand what is happening if you are beside yourself from his/her actions? The flip side is that your mate can be falling out of love. Perhaps they just so accustom to you being around that the desire and mad need for that somewhat kinky 'knock down drag out dirty fun sex' is just no longer necessary because they've already won you and feel that love is enough?
Disappointment, hurt or simply taking one another for granted are the three major reasons why we feel less in a relationship over time. Finances and money issues are a HUGE downer for any relationship as well. Some men/women feel that they need to be making 'x' amount of dollars to maintain a healthy relationship and the need for the fancy cars, big houses, etc become more relevant in their mind. Those things are like their trophies so to speak, whereas myself personally, love is all I'd need and I'd move into a shack if it meant a happier healthier bond. Money makes a man feel superior. He holds himself high upon a pedestal and to others so if things are not going well for him financially, his entire way of living can change and that includes his affection for you.
If you feel that your relationship is lacking the glamour and luster that it once had, if you are a lover and a fighter and stand by your man/woman you may have to begin taking steps backward. Go back to the earlier days when your relationship began and reconstruct it. Trust and communication are key here folks. You either have it or you don't.
Its time to get out of the relationship blues! Add some spark again! If you relationship is worth saving and you are in love but you forgot how to show it…Start dating your honey again, and do romantic things for your partner. Love my friends does not cost a thing! Cook them dinner, give them a massage, draw their bath for them. Go back to the happy days when your relationship was new and less stressful. Grow together again in a physical and intimate way. Do something fun, playful and maybe even a bit risqué. Buy something sexy. Lingerie catches any mans eye if the right piece is worn. It will turn his head and give his libido a boost. Perhaps it is time to show him eye candy? Sexy lingerie such as role play costumes or bedroom or fantasy costumes are playful.
They say that everyone wants that certain level of comfort in their relationship and that includes openness, closeness and physical intimacy. Its in our biological nature to feel that urge for some sort of intimacy. The percentage of couples that can pull off a healthy relationship without any kind of intimacy or affection is quite rare nevertheless it can happen and in these cases it is usually when their upbringing was the same as their now actions. Perhaps their parents did not have a physical relationship and that's the way your partner believes it should be? Sometimes becoming parents causes changes in the depths/levels of intimacy issues. Where you want to be a good parent, you still have to be a lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, mate or partner to one another. hey, I am not a professional but physical intimacy is like the glue of a relationship.
We all dream of eternal love. We want to believe that we've found the right person and that this man/woman is our everything. At this point, they have already won your affection. Some might say that it is natural for sex to die in a relationship because it is a simple way of affection. What about if he/she spend less and less time with their partner? Maybe they go to the gym more, stay at work later, begins attending more happy hours with the staff, more trips to the spa/salon, golfs 5 days/nights out of the week or believes spending time with the boys at the cigar shop is his time and a necessity because it relieves stress? What about your time and your level of stress that your portion of this relationship has endured? What happened to cooking for you, taking you out to dinner or going on a date? Is he falling asleep in a chair 30 minutes after you begin to spend 'us' time together? Has this too diminished and now you find yourself sitting at home by yourself more and more?
In all sincerity, really, how much can one person go with abstinence before they want to jump out of their skin and throw their hands up in disbelief? It leads many people that are used to having strong sexual relationships from previous partners to take a few steps backward and ponder the thoughts now asking themselves "is it me, does he/she not care anymore, or worse, is he/she seeing/sleeping with someone else? It is unbelievable to think that any couple can live on the 'love of one another' alone with no sexual relationship or level of intimacy.
Sex is needed for the existence of any good relationship. I don't think that is really up for discussion. Keep in mind that as women go through forms of menopause, guys middle age also go through something similar called manopause. It causes changes in a mans testosterone levels and they can have less of a sex drive. So, when your mate just cuts you off and rolls over every night making you feel like you have the plague, or pretends like he is sleeping or has a migraine, what do you do? Try to understand, and give him space. He may not get what is happening to him so how are you supposed to even begin to understand what is happening if you are beside yourself from his/her actions? The flip side is that your mate can be falling out of love. Perhaps they just so accustom to you being around that the desire and mad need for that somewhat kinky 'knock down drag out dirty fun sex' is just no longer necessary because they've already won you and feel that love is enough?
Disappointment, hurt or simply taking one another for granted are the three major reasons why we feel less in a relationship over time. Finances and money issues are a HUGE downer for any relationship as well. Some men/women feel that they need to be making 'x' amount of dollars to maintain a healthy relationship and the need for the fancy cars, big houses, etc become more relevant in their mind. Those things are like their trophies so to speak, whereas myself personally, love is all I'd need and I'd move into a shack if it meant a happier healthier bond. Money makes a man feel superior. He holds himself high upon a pedestal and to others so if things are not going well for him financially, his entire way of living can change and that includes his affection for you.
If you feel that your relationship is lacking the glamour and luster that it once had, if you are a lover and a fighter and stand by your man/woman you may have to begin taking steps backward. Go back to the earlier days when your relationship began and reconstruct it. Trust and communication are key here folks. You either have it or you don't.
Its time to get out of the relationship blues! Add some spark again! If you relationship is worth saving and you are in love but you forgot how to show it…Start dating your honey again, and do romantic things for your partner. Love my friends does not cost a thing! Cook them dinner, give them a massage, draw their bath for them. Go back to the happy days when your relationship was new and less stressful. Grow together again in a physical and intimate way. Do something fun, playful and maybe even a bit risqué. Buy something sexy. Lingerie catches any mans eye if the right piece is worn. It will turn his head and give his libido a boost. Perhaps it is time to show him eye candy? Sexy lingerie such as role play costumes or bedroom or fantasy costumes are playful.
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Miss Michele, Fantastic article! I had to read it twice because it felt as if you were speaking to me. My relationship is this in a nutshell. Thanks for the advice (non-professional as it may have been as you stated.) IT hit home for me and it looks like sexy lingerie may be ordered in the near future to razzle him again! Love your reads! Kudos!
ReplyDeleteAbigail P.
Charleston, SC
Dear Miss Michele; In Ireland, golf is a way of life for many men, and much like the man you write about, my response would be yes, he can golf daily if she still shows his lady the proper affection that she so desires and deserves, but he shouldn't.Thus being said there are many golf widows here. Believe me, I'd like to set the greens on fire meself ladie, but they would find somewhere else to take their balls.
ReplyDeleteIrene McDoogle
Kilkenny Ireland