Dating, Emails and Texting...Why Bad Combos?

Do you date? Do you feel like sometimes you are on the same page as someone and then the next minute you are on a whole other planet? Like the Katy Perry song "Hot & Cold" you're up, you're down, you're hot, you're cold, you're wrong and your right...sounds like too much work to me. Relationship are not at all like they were years ago, and there is so much crap to deal with. I don't have time to jump through hoops and my guess is neither do you?

I enjoy dating men, most women would say they do, and I get along with most of them, but every now and again there are a few that I meet, or never meet, rather only chat with whether it be via text message or phone that can really put a bad taste in your mouth. Why just emails and texts? Are they hiding for a reason? Women can get such a good vibe from a guy, but what happens when you ask one simple question like "Are you a tool dating a bunch of woman?" Hey it's an honest question that has no harm intended unless the person you are asking the question to goes off the deep end on you. Now, before you ask, why would women ask that? Imagine this; you meet someone or more than one person on an online dating website, then you see/notice a man or a woman on ‘chat’ all the time, be honest...doesn't it makes you wonder if they are really looking for love, a relationship or playing the field? If you are NOT looking for a relationship your profile certainly should not say looking for serious relationship., in fact it shouldn't even say 'dating.'There is no harm intended by this simple assumption/question that so many women ponder. It was a very simple question, nothing more, nothing less...and instead of a person being mature and asking “why might you ask me that?” …A gal gets a response like this;

I run very fast from women like you that want a commitment... or it seems like you like me a lot more than I like you. The truth is quite honestly, a woman simply wants to get to know a guy and understand him, but now we are accused of having overnight feelings or demand an exclusive relationship? Did you fall off a turnip truck and smack your head on the pavement fellas? Women are not clingy needy people with such insecurities that our worlds revolve around you guys. Get over our bad self.

On a first date, or second, or even third, forth or fifth... why would anyone think that it should be exclusive? I met someone who accused me of name calling recently, and judging, and said he loathes women like me. I BEG YOUR PARDON? Quoted best from the movie Hitch by Casey "What did I ever do to you?"...Yeah, so I asked myself just that. What did I do to him exactly?

 What would you think if someone said this to you? First of all, someone that speaks to me as such does not and will not earn my respect. What makes men flip out when you ask a very simple question? Sounds a little bipolar to many women that I asked, but call it what you will. Women get called immature for asking a simple question...Good Lord, please. Women and men don't base their choices on just how nice or well mannered someone is to them day in and day out. Women choose the men that they choose because they feel a powerful and most often gut level attraction like that of no other...and there is obviously chemistry. Sometimes it’s just women's intuition that we have and we ask a very simple question. When a man responds like the above answer, you have your answer. Don't walk away ladies, RUN! It’s not you with the insecurity issues- they need to take a good hard look in the mirror.

Furthermore, If all of your conversations are via text, you’re not dating. He's hiding from you or something. The guys I’ve dated on and off in the past and everyone who is semi-close to me knows how I feel about text conversations while dating- I absolutely hate it. I grew up with one phone in our house and I wasn’t allowed to call boys. My sister and I got grounded if we even tried, so we didn’t. I was raised with values and ethics. Let the man ask you out. Let the man call you, and pick you up for a date. I am proud of who I am and I believe that one day, one man will be very lucky, and happy to have found me. I am not a woman who demands a lot. 

Today it’s substantially different because one would argue that texting is more commonplace than a good old-fashion verbal conversation. I am sorry but you can over read a lot of things said via text message or email. However, that argument should have no validity when the subject of dating is concerned because texting lacks the intimacy a verbal phone conversation has, regardless of how many  text hearts you send. If there is a genuine interest in getting to know you, there will be an effort made that goes far beyond texting. There will be no name calling, no walls built up around that person or you for that matter. If someone wants to get to know you, they make it happen. End of story. 

 I have run businesses and written columns for years. I don't have the time or the patience from some wanna be stud muffin to throw stones at me. I don't need a man in my life to make me feel complete. I have many male friends who all know me and know what I am capable of. They will attest that I am a good woman who needs not explain nor defend herself. I don’t sit on a pedestal. I am not on my high horse, so for goodness sakes, come down off of yours!

I have always stated that it would be nice some day to find a good man that I mesh well with and get a long with. Nothing was ever said about long term, exclusive or anything else (let's call him; Mr McDreamy)...with poor attitude. I'm nowhere near perfect and most people that sincerely know me, know that about me. I have many friends and friends don't judge friends. We offer support. So why is it that if you if are a nice to a man they think that if you're asking a lot of questions (which are mainly out of safety issues more less, because we are women) that it makes us over bearing or expecting too much? Wow... The bottom line is this; I have the option of being alone, and I have chosen that for years, and for reasons, mostly being a single mother and for the independence. My safety and security and my children's well being always came first and foremost. I was their mother and father full time most of the time. I made sacrifices and wouldn't change a thing. I learned to depend on me. I never want  a man to think that he has to support me, or take care of me. I would, very much so, nevertheless like a man to someday love me. I speak my mind, and have opinions of my own. I work hard. I guess that some men are afraid of working women with businesses and careers, why? For obvious reasons of course. They may have insecurity issues themselves and find it far easier to put all the blame on women. To those that this is hitting a nerve with I say "Shame on you!" Where is the love?