Does your Mate,Lover,Partner,Spouse... Have a Wandering Eye?

How many times have you been out and about with someone you just began to date, your boyfriend, lover or spouse and you caught their eyes roaming on others they appeared to be attracted to in some way? Beside wanting to give them a fat lip or an ear full of what was on your mind at that very moment, take a step back and ponder this if you will. Is there such thing as looking “too much”? Is it disrespectful to you and the relationship? If you are seeking my opinion I would say YES it is totally disrespectful. My husband did it all the time and I called him on it. He blamed me for insecurities. What? I was not insecure nor was I ever with who "I" am, however, they say that people who do this do it for attention because they lack it. I say that there is NO excuse for this and it truly belittles the man/woman you are with when this occurs. Why would you do this?

Listen, it may not appear threatening early in the attraction, when everything seems innocent. Remember, though, that attractions grow quickly and can destroy your marriage.First off... Even if your relationship/marriage manages to survive, at the very least the lurking will weaken the foundation of your trust and rob your spouse/partner of your full captivation.Your second line of defense is to declare,repeat after me.. "I have no right to think these things." State this to yourself clearly, decisively, and often. You don’t even know this woman; who are you to be attracted to her? The third line of defense is to heighten your alert. What do you normally do when you feel threatened? You take off your jacket and breathe deeply. You ready yourself for what’s coming. Knock it off and keep your eyes where they should be, on your mate, lover, partner, spouse!

While finding other people attractive is normal and part of human nature, there is a way to go about it and not go about it.  When a person is on his or her own, he or she can feel more free about looking at someone else, without worrying about anyone feeling hurt by it. When one is with their partner however, it would be best to try and be discreet about checking someone else out. A quick glance is harmless, but if a partner is checking someone out in a way that is in the form of staring, exchanging smiles or undressing them with his or her eyes, it then become disrespectful their partner and the relationship. This can make their partner feel hurt, upset, disrespected and even unattractive- which can unnecessarily lower their self-esteem.

When a Wandering Eye becomes a real problem…

Checking other people out is usually harmless if done casually every now and then. It can become a real problem when it is done constantly though. If your partner is more occupied checking other people out rather than focusing on his or her time with you and  admiring you, then it could be a sign that your partner is losing interest in the relationship and you should start paying attention to other signs and behaviors that can help you figure out what is really going on.


What you should do about it…
If you have a partner with a wandering eye and are tired of it, then it is time for communication! There is no shame in letting your partner know that you feel hurt and upset by his or her behavior. After all, a relationship is about being open and honest with each other and your partner should care about your feelings and want to make you happy. This is not about you being immaturely jealous either- it is about you claiming the respect you feel you deserve from your partner (the same kind of respect you partner would expect from you). So let your partner know that his or her constant wandering eye is upsetting you and makes you feel disrespected and you are not okay with it. If your partner truly cares, then he or she will make a real effort to stop checking other’s out in front of you, or at least keep it under real control so you do not feel so disrespected. If the wandering eye continues after you pour your heart out about it, then your partner has shown you how important your feelings are to him or her and you should then decide if you wish to continue putting up with it or not. I think we all have a little flirt in us...however, flirting to be silly and actually flirting while with your partner is wrong, not to mention quite disrespectful. Shame on you! Your eyes should be on one person....the one you're with.

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Relationships...Don't Put Your Foot In Your Mouth

How many times has this happened to you? You get all dressed up and think you're looking hot, and he says..."Are you going to go get ready to go out?" What? Does he NOT KNOW that we just spent hours preparing for this date and days deciding what we were going to wear? Most likely no. Why? Because most men find their outfit in less than 10 minutes and stop stay up all night wondering about things like we do....
So, when he says something like this that offends you a tad bit, try not to put your foot in your mouth with a lame comment or something rude...OK, so your man has hurt your feelings? This happens now and then.
We women have a tendency to be incredibly emotional creatures.  There is nothing wrong with that but, there are good and bad ways to tell your man that he has done this. First, men do not think like we do, so therefore, they don't get it, and couldn't possibly understand our feelings...if we are PMS'ing...Dear Lord, forget it. You might as well tape my mouth shut because you never know what will come out of it!

Most often, there is a very good chance that your man did not mean to hurt your feelings.  In some cases, he may not have even realised that he did. A man who genuinely cares for you wants to know if he has hurt you.  Of course he wants to know! He wants to know, so that he can take steps to fix the situation, or try to avoid doing so again. You matter to him, remember? However, there is a right and wrong way to go about letting him know how you feel at times like this.

I preach this to you ALL THE TIME,...Communication is key!  Men do not like ‘drama’. So no drama mama!  Even if he loves you a great deal, a man will shy away from you the minute you start to tearfully accuse him, or insult him, or yell and scream and rant at him because you are upset.  Men really do not like such emotional displays. take my advice now and do what my mother said..."Put a sock in your mouth, and keep the yap shut!" They don't need to hear it nor do they want to heard us babble. As the years went by, I learned that mom was right. Talk about your problems, and if feelings get hurt, discuss them. The longer they go unspoken of, the harder it is to discuss it. Talking does a world of good, so do it!

 Perhaps you have decided to give him ‘the silent treatment’, instead? I was sooooo good at this when I was married. There is a good chance that, if a man does not recognise this as a passive-aggressive display of anger on your part, he will simply think that you wish to be left alone, and will not approach you.
No.  Calm yourself down first before approaching him on the matter.  No tears, no accusations, no emotional displays. Wait until you are calm and, once you are, express yourself in a clear, emotionless, and honest way.  Tell him that you are feeling upset and why, as concisely as possible.  There is no need to go into hours worth of detail, either!  That is equally ineffective so give it up. Rest your voice, and save your strength!

Resist the urge to accuse him; as if he knew that he was hurting you.  Do not say, for example, “You love making me feel bad about myself”, or “You say you love me? Well, you obviously don’t because you just said…”  Remember, he may not have even realised that he had hurt your feelings, so don’t assume that he knows or has done so deliberately!  This kind of accusation will also put him on the ‘defensive’ straight away, and you want to resolve the conflict, don’t you?  Once both of you are angry, or he has fled the situation in order to escape the ‘drama’, conflict resolution is very difficult to achieve, now, isn’t it?
Avoid ‘absolutes’, too.  Saying things like “You always say…” or, “You do this all the time…” are examples of ‘absolutes’.  These should be avoided when you speak with him. Men really do appreciate being approached calmly. They love a woman with a soft touch and some sensitivity every now and again...so cut them some slack already! They are more likely to listen to you, tackle the situation, and work on resolving it if you can talk to them calmly, and explain why you feel the way that you do.

There is nothing worse than acting like a baby and putting your foot in your mouth, so ladies, stop it!

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