Want a Healthy Relationship?

        7 Daily Doses to Practice Healthy Relationship Habits;

•   Respect and being Respected. Life and relationships are about meeting in the middle. I've always said that it takes two to make a relationship work and two to make it fail. Trust me, I know this first hand. Relationships can endure a lot of bumps in the road if you respect one another. Relationships are about finding your own inner happiness and then spreading the love with your partner or mate. Before you can love you have to love and respect yourself. The two go hand in hand. Respect is not something that one should have to think about in a relationship, you just DO IT! How so? Little ways…call her and say hello out of the blue, text her in the middle of the day and tell her that you’re thinking about her. Pick up her dry-cleaning. Surprise her by cooking dinner because you know darn well that she had a rough day at work. Listen to her when she speaks, and really pay attention to her thoughts, wants and needs.

•   Trusting and being Trusted. I’m a shoot from the hip kinda gal and that’s how you should be too! If you are not, you need to be a straight shooter. Trust is the great equalizer in a good relationship; without it there is no good! A good foundation in a healthy love relationship is built on trust and trust must be earned. 

Holding back on the truth about how you feel, only telling part of the story, fudging on what your wants and needs are to your partner slowly erodes the trust in your relationship. Total honesty brings about awesome trust. Do all that you can to achieve it and have a relationship that can endure it all.

•   Always go that extra mile. Don’t wait for her to do it- you do it…and by it, I mean anything to make her smile. Motivate each other to be the best you can be. Be inventive in coming up with ways to inspire your love life. Never stop. NEVER! Push the romance envelope with a getaway in the mountains for a long weekend or if you are anything like be, be a toes in the sand kinda gal. Have fun, be creative and enjoy life. Life is a precious gift, don’t waste it pondering negative thoughts, do what makes you happy and your partner happy. Remember, you may not be perfect, but you are perfect in her eyes, and in retrospect that's really all that matters now isn't it?

•   Agree to Agree. It is important to understand that relationships seldom feel easy; however, a relationship is less of a struggle when two people agree to do whatever it takes to make it workable. Building a solid foundation is key folks. Without it, like quicksand you will sink and your relationship will not survive. This does not mean giving it your best shot and if it doesn't work, you move on. Don't be a quitter. This means doing whatever it takes!

•   Want your romance life to last a lifetime? Ok…2 Words;

Make Memories; How about creating a scrapbook of love? Don’t call me cheesy here…it’s a great way to remember all the wonderful things that you did together and a way to go back and look at your relationship whenever you need a reminder of good times. Stash your memories of special greeting cards, matchbook covers that remind you of great visits, snapshots, a pressed flower, ticket stubs, a handwritten love poem, a funny, thoughtful valentine. 

Celebrate spending time together. Do things that make the two of you happy. Memories tell stories and stories are passed down from generation to generation, so give everyone something to talk about.

•   Spread a little sunshine. That's right, sunshine. What does this mean? Don’t hover over one another. Make them happy! Give each other permission to their own space. You should have your friends as a couple but you should also have a few close friends that you like to hang out with one night a week, or month. These could be life long friends or even coworkers. It is healthy to give one another space. No one wants to be smothered. Relationships need to grow, so feed them. Give her a daily dose of love. Nothing grows well in the shade! If you are forever in your loved one’s pocket, you can stifle the love so freely given. Even love partners need time alone. You need space. I know I need mine. Too much togetherness is not good. Go out shopping with your friends, or to a ball game or concert. This shows that you can and speaks volumes of trust.

•   Are you pushing your partner’s hot buttons? If not…TRY IT! …But push them spontaneously. I'm not talking about the ones you shouldn’t push. Push the turn-on buttons. No better way than to every now and again crank up the heat in the bedroom or any room for that matter. Know what delights and pleases your partner and push those buttons, and do it most often. Does he like thigh highs and garters under a trench coat? Does he like your sensual perfume on his pillow case? Find what makes your partner, lover, mate tick and load him up with your ammunition. Knowing what makes him or her tick and turning them on at the right times is KEY to a fun, happy and most desired and sexual relationship. Remember, you’ve made it this far, so remind her that she is everything in your eye. Something tells me that you got a groovy kind of love...

Dating... Is Age Just a Number?

I’ve dated men a few years younger than me, and when I say a few I'm talking anywhere between 2 and 12 years younger, and then I have dated men much older than me, and when I say older I am talking 10-15 years older than me. Where many women tend to lie about their age, I don't. It is what it is and I'm 48. I'm happy with my looks and who I am and proud of how I look in comparison to many other woman my age that haven't aged quite so well. I found no reason to hide it from my dates or even my partners that I was older or younger than them.

 What I’ve found is that while relationships can be affected by age, they are more so sustained by maturity, similar interests, and common values, which doesn’t always require a close birth dates. Age is only just a number, but why do so many people frown upon it? Are they embarrassed by it, or shamed of what their friends and family may think? Guess what Mr or Ms Coward...you have to live for YOU. At the end of the date or a long weekend getaway when you exit the airport to head back home to your so called 'normal life' you may be walking away from the best thing that has ever happened to you all because you didn't want to tell others about the man/woman you were seeing due to age. Are you for real? If this is the case, you don't deserve this type of true happiness.

That being said, it is important for two individuals,(setting any age difference aside) to want the same thing from a relationship. Often, if there are differences, people cite it as a conflict due to age, but in all reality, really it has more to do with what stage you’re at in life, and what type of relationship you feel would be best for you right now and in the near future. My thoughts were always that chemistry although being quite important was a big key ingredient to the dating pie, but the mentality level of each individual had to connect along the lines somewhere as well. Within each culture are stereotypes associated to dating someone of significant age difference. Whether you are the younger or older one in the situation, some might thing that you will be looked upon in a certain light and judged; more so by those who are either speculative of the relationship or envious of the dynamic. I say that is all hogwash. No one seems to criticize the athletes or celebrities when they date or marry 20 years older or younger.

It has become more socially commonplace to hear people say that age is just a number; and while in theory that may hold true, are these people silently passing judgment behind closed doors and bashing the hell out of those who do it. Why? Ignorance I suppose.  At the end of the day isn't it really about how you feel for one another that really matters most?

Hey folks, newsflash; We all bring different gifts to the table. I got married and started my family in my 20′s, it was said by many family members and friends to have been a train wreck. If that is what it was I am happy to have proved them all wrong and state that my 'train wreck' lasted 15 years, and during those years we had two kids and a really good marriage for the most part. Some people said that until I’d learned some of the lessons of life I needed to get under my belt before I could be a healthy partner. (That doesn’t mean that every girl in her 20′s is a train wreck, nor does it mean that at a young age you cannot be wise enough to make the right choices.) I loathe people who talk behind your back one minute about your relationship or marriage and the next they are your best friend.

 Life is a precious gift. Mistakes are most often easy to fix. Thoughout life we grow as a person and we learn what makes each of us happy. I have friends who have been searching for that one right man forever and now they are in their late 30s and mid 40s and never have been married. I have friends who got hitched at a certain age because they were “supposed to.” I also have friends who are getting divorces from their “supposed to” spouses. I know friends who are happily married since their early 20′s and happy “never married” in their 40′s and 50′s.

You see, life is not about finding the perfect man or woman or even the perfect age in which to do the sometimes crazy things that we do. Life is there to teach us that it's OK to make mistakes and learn from them. Sure I made some mistakes in life and especially in my marriage, nonetheless, those mistakes and taking someone for granted taught me that you have to communicate more and show that person how much you care day in and day out. I'm not talking about showering them with flowers and chocolates everyday. A smile or a soft hand gently stroking your face to see you smile is a delight. To have a man look in your eyes and tell you that you are beautiful or that he wants you is not only intriguing rather extraordinary. It is the simple things that most women cherish.

When I date, I don’t target men older or younger than me. I simply enjoy people as people, and whatever age they are—they are. I’ve dated older men that act like toddlers at times. And I’ve dated younger men that, looks aside, could fool anyone into thinking they were in their 40s. There really hasn’t been a solid pattern of behavior with the older men I’ve dated or the younger ones. I will say that the ones that I’ve kept around have similar attitudes about life, vast ambitions, and powerful wisdom to share. Regardless of their ages, I actually have learned a thing or two about life from each of these people along the way that I spent time getting to know.

With all of this being said, I still have a dark cloud hanging over me and that cloud is called 'time.' It seems as if there are days, or weeks where time hangs around taunting me and teasing me and each day that slips by makes me wonder if I am to ever meet a man that I can share common ground with and be compatible with.  I stopped worrying about what others thought years ago. I intend to be happy and live for me. The hell with what other people think. If they are so concerned about you and your well being let them pay your bills and your rent. See, it's OK for friends and family to try to interfere when you do something like date a much younger or older guy, but where the hell are they when you really need them? Point made and might I make a suggestion to those who do this; keep your mouth shut and your not needed opinions to yourself.

Here is what I have learned;
Listen to your mind but follow your heart.You can't discount your feelings, even if it is separated by an age barrier. If you two share a mutual admiration for one another, then I suggest to act on it. Try to move past the whispers all around, it’s just static and a bunch of hypocrites that have nothing better to do with their lives but talk about your. As long as you and your partner are in a healthy and happy relationship, and are on the same page, that should be all that matters. End of story.