Do you believe that there is a special person for everyone? Do you believe in soul mates? We tend to look our entire lives for that right fit, that one person that is our 'other half.' We may have been friends with them for several years or you may bump into him sharing a taxi in NYC. How do you know when you've found your soul mate? Some people will tell you that they "just know", while others can identify several characteristics and reasons why they seem to perfectly mesh with their relationship counterpart.
My thoughts are simple. Life is full of surprises, sometimes they come about when you are least expecting them to. Looking for love is not easy. My grandmother used to always tell me "Michele, don't go looking for love, it will find you." Well Baba, it's been 13 years since my divorce and I have waited a very long time...my thoughts are now this...if it happens, it happens and if it does not, it merely wasn't meant to be for me. I believe that if you are fortunate enough to find true love once in your life you have been blessed. To find it more than once is rare, but it does happen. My unprofessional advice; don't give up on love.
For those of us who haven't found a soul mate yet, there are things we can be looking for to speed up the process. There are always going to be things we like and dislike about others, but the true test is deciding whether or not we can lovingly accept the negative attributes. Sometimes we care about someone very much, but discover that there is some factor that we simply cannot accept for one reason or another.
Here are some factors to think about when searching for a soul mate:
1. Morals & Beliefs. Everyone comes with their own set of morals and beliefs. Stick with them. Don't back down on change what you believe in to suit the needs of someone else. Sure you can meet in the middle, relationships are built on the 50/50 rule. I call it 'give and take.' We all know that we should be open, honest, and accepting of others. But oftentimes when our core beliefs differ, it's hard to have a lasting relationship. This is why you'll want to have deep discussions about faith, morals, and beliefs with potential partners. If someone isn't a fit at this deep of a level, you should seriously consider whether the relationship is even worth getting serious about.
2. Communication. You'll hear over and over that communication is the key. I say it so much so often that I am beginning to sound like a broken record. Listen,...there are different ways of communicating and you need to figure out the best way to communicate with your partner. At the same time you need to know that you can live with this communication method. Some partners are big on talking, while others are more sensitive to nonverbal communication.
3. Respect. If you don't respect yourself, you can't respect someone else. Dig deep and learn to love YOU! Ask yourself this; Does the potential partner respect you, your body, and your family? You're one of a kind, so you shouldn't give yourself to just anyone. Make sure he or she takes care of you and your family. You're worth it!
4. Family. You need to mesh well with their family and vice versa. Discussions about family also include your hopes and dreams when it comes to your own future family. Do you want to get married someday? If so, how many kids would you like to have?
5. Personality. Your personality plays a big role in deciding your compatibility with others. However, it's always up for debate whether or not it's best to be with someone with a similar personality or someone with an opposite personality. In this case you'll have to decide your own preference and see how it works out for you.
6. Hobbies & Interests. It's pretty certain that you won't share every hobby and interest that your partner enjoys. However, it definitely helps the relationship when you have things in common. This will provide you with activities to do with each other in order to deepen your relationship. There will also be plenty of topics for conversation.
7. Conflict. Even the most perfect couples deal with conflict from time to time. Hash it out! If you don't the problem will just get bigger and bigger. Both you and your partner need to learn the best methods to get through arguments effectively. Try not to lash out in anger, instead strive to understand your partner. Instead of playing the blame game, discuss your problems calmly. If your potential mate attacks you or consistently ignores your feelings, then it's perhaps not a good fit.
Long Term Relationships
When you first meet someone, you may be attracted to his or her looks or personality. As you get to know each other better, you'll be able to see the clues as to whether or not you've found your true soul mate. Please try not to rush things along because anything worth having is worth waiting for! At the same time, you definitely should be having deep conversations about future plans and beliefs at an appropriate time in the relationship. This way if you run into a snag and find out that you can't be together, you won't be as emotionally invested. After all, you don't want to waste as much time in a dead end relationship.Stay positive! Don't be 'Negative Nancy.' Keep your chin up and have some hope for goodness sake. Keep looking with an open heart and mind, because everyone's soul mate is out there somewhere. Like a buried treasure, he/she is awaiting you to discover them in all their beauty both inside and out.
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